i think, Priceguy, you just joined the lot of us in being somewhat confused by IDBB’s post. Mehopes she will return today to clarify. I am most puzzled.
Oh boy, I know I’m going to piss someone off with this. Bear with me.
I’ve been with guys and girls, I find some guys attractive, I find some girls attractive. The world is my oyster, so to speak.Which points to me being bi.
BUT (and it’s a big but) I’m with irishfella, have been for almost 2 years, and I’m head-over-heels in love with him. To the point where I don’t even THINK about anyone else in that way. Kind of hyper-monogamy.
So, at the moment, I’m probably nearer to asexual, because all of my desires are directed towards one person, and one person only.
Not men, but A MAN.
Ho-hum.
irishgirl, I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say. So you’ve had sexual experiences with both men and women in the past, and are now very much in love with a person and therefore monogamous. Good for you, but why should anyone get pissed off over it?
Ok…here’s kinda sorta what I mean.
CG (my husband of nearly 5 years)has always seemed to be 100% het, ever since we met when I was 17 and he was 20. And back then he was REALLY into sex…just like I assume every guy is all the time. I mean…maybe it’s me or the fault of the media but I always assumed that at any given time, any guy in the room would want to jump a chick’s bones if given the chance.
Now…maybe it’s a been-married-too-long thing or a very-stressful-work-enviroment thing or even a rapidly-approaching-his-30’s thing but he’s not as into sex anymore as he was at first. And when we DO have sex, he wants me to go down on him more than anything else.
Plus…I’ve noticed he is less hypersensitive about me going near his butt than before. He used to jump and scream and put on a big show if I even TOUCHED his butt or went anywhere near the anus.I’ve noticed that lately he seems to be ok with it and it makes me go :dubious: hmm…like maybe he’s seeing someone on the side and I don’t know about it yet because he’s great at hiding it. I also once found a printed-out copy of a couple of bi-skewed porn stories (erotica???)stuffed in the cabinet on his side of the bed. I’m wondering if this means he IS bi and not telling me because he thinks I can’t handle it? Or is he just straight up gay and not telling me because he thinks I can’t handle it because it would mean the demise of our (to this point anyway)great marriage?
I’m just curious. If he is bi…I wouldn’t mind. I don’t CARE if he’s bi. I would still love him and cherish and obey…just like I promised in the vows.
Now if he’s straight up gay…well…that’s a different story all together. I would still love him but I guess we’d have to get divorced and that would SUCK cuz not only am I totally still head over heels googly-eyed idiotic look in love with him but that means I’d have to go live on my own and I hate that thought.
IDBB
True to a certain extent. The details are for another thread.
Happens to us all, I’m afraid.
Many men love that. Me included.
Do you know what this means? That he’s less hypersensitive about his butt. And that’s it. It has nothing to do with sexuality. I don’t want to fuck a guy in the ass or be fucked in the ass, or have fingers or tongues or anything up my ass, but that doesn’t make me straight.
That is the one thing you’ve mentioned that could mean something. Maybe it’s just a fantasy, just as (or so I’ve been told) lesbian fantasies are one of the most common sexual fantasies among straight women, maybe it’s something he’d like to try.
There’s one way and one way only to get the answer you want, and that’s to ask him. You don’t have to mention the porn stories you found, just say “Honey, I was just wondering. I think we should be totally honest with each other, and I’m wondering if you’ve ever felt attracted to a man”. He should answer honestly.
Good for you. And him.
You’re worrying way too much. He may be gay and have a boyfriend on the side, but that’s no different from him sleeping around with other women. Just ask the guy. And report back, if you like.
Thanks,Priceguy.
When I found the porn while cleaning up, I told him and he denied it being his but he was laughing about it and so was I so I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time.
And yes…I DO worry way too much. It’s why CG and I are such a good match. He is the never-grow-up Pan to my most sensible Wendy.
IDBB
IDBB, most guys do slack off as they age. It may be impossible to keep up that 18-year-old libido, not to mention just finding the time.
But the reason he is less sensitive about his butt probably is just that the longer you two are together, the more he trusts you. It’s sweet.
I assume she’s referring to the perception that a bi person in a relationship would be unsatisfied without having sex with anyone of the opposite gender to their SO.
I believe the standard response is to sday sarcastically ‘I like both blondes and brunettes, but my SO’s a blond. I have to have affairs with brunettes, it wouldn’t be fair to me to restrict myself.’
“I assume she’s referring to the perception that a bi person in a relationship would be unsatisfied without having sex with anyone of the opposite gender to their SO.”
My standard, unsarcastic response is: “Please mind your own business.”
For the record, the fact that I’m bisexual, but currently involved in a monogamous relationship with a woman, stems from the fact that I love her, not her sexual preference. Had I met a man with whom I had the same level of connection and attraction, I could just as easily be in a monogamous relationship with him.
Partly. But mostly since sexuality is based on desire as well as activity, and at the moment I have no desire to be with anyone except my guy, whether male or female.
But yup, plnnr, I’d still be with irishfella if he happened to be an irishlass, all other things being equal.
irishgirl, sounds like you’ve fallen in love not just with the body but the person you have. I’m not offended at all by that, or by your non-desire for all people who aren’t irishfella…truth be told, I’m wondering why I would be, but that’s another matter:)
sugaree–probably.
I did talk to him about it tonight and I’m having trouble sleeping so I thought I’d report back here. We talked about it and he said he’s not the least bit bi (whew!) but I reassured him if he ever felt that he was starting to lean that way, that whatever happened I would still love him no matter what.
And then we proceeded to get jiggy wid it so he could PROVE he was still het.
IDBB
Being bisexual means that you are sexually attracted to both men and women. Period. There are varying degrees, but that’s it. Right there.
Can you be bisexual if you’re a virgin? Uhm. Duh. You can be a virgin but still know you’re straight…
I have known I was bisexual since I knew I had sexuality.
I’ve cheated on a partner. Had nothing at all to do with my bisexuality.
I’ve had a secondary relationship (albeit a really horrible one, in retrospect). Had nothing at all to do with my bisexuality.
It’s really not a HORRIBLY difficult concept.