Ask the child of money

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Sorry for the delay everyone!

Finally, before we get started, let’s just say that I was WAY off in saying I was in the top 5%. Going by this article, my family would be somewhere between the **.**5% and .1%. Granted, this data is now 5 years old. It’s still not live on a yacht rich, obviously. In the future, let’s not debate what constitutes “wealthy”. Let’s just stick to questions people have.

31 year old man, angry! Initiates snarkiness! :rolleyes: There is an orthodontist, a friend of the family, who has wanted to (first join, later sell) me his practice since I first decided to be a pre-dent. We already have a rough sketch of what will happen once I graduate, how he’ll shift responsibility and workload to me over a few years. He makes 400k as is, so this is assuming I don’t do better than he’s doing, that the American dollar isn’t worth 3 cents in 6 years, and of course, that I don’t (or he doesn’t) drop dead or get hit by a car tomorrow.

You clearly haven’t been reading the thread. I mentioned here that I had a yearlong internship lined up at the library (in the reference department) that ended prematurely in October.

Obviously they weren’t going to elaborate galas. As I have mentioned previously ahem they paid for several cousins’ college educations. Their financial planner/wealth management team only manages 5-7 accounts that are all 10mil+, and they have them “on call” 24/7. That’s all I can think of at the moment that would set them apart in terms of unique investment opportunities.

My friends - especially when I attended USC - came from a variety of economic backgrounds. This was probably due to the fact we were all on educational scholarships and all lived together in an honors dorm. My best friend lived four kids to a bedroom, one bathroom for seven people. Sharing a dorm room was a major step up for him. That’s pretty much lower-middle class, if now lower class. You’re describing a life where people essentially only interact and are friends with people who are in their socioeconomic class. I thought people might be interested in how I gelled with them, what obstacles we faced in our friendship, how we avoided resentment or discomfort, etc.

I also thought people might be interested in what educational opportunities were available to me, or athletic. As a junior in high school, I went to a swim camp at Stanford, and later received private coaching from a man who had been the previous Olympic’s head swim coach. The time I spent with him was invaluable, and not available to “mere mortals”, as some have put it. It wasn’t because I was a fantastic swimmer - I would have struggled to walk on to Stanford’s team. It was because I could afford the camp.

At what stage are you referring to? Are you implying I should have been a dentist at age 13? Do you resent your children for having more than you did - will you be disappointed if they don’t reach financial success? Or if they decided to work for a non-profit? Also, I’m not sure what you want me to improve with my messaging.

I think someone else asked (but I can’t find it right now for some reason) if I’d have gone into what I’m going into if I were blue collar. If I’d been born with the exact same brain, IQ, and general intelligence, yes. If I’d still been offered to skip 2 grades, yes. Still been accepted to academic camps that expanded my horizons (that were free, as some were, or had scholarships available), probably yes. I might have been even more concerned with money, and probably gone into dermatology or surgery. But if I hadn’t been born with my mind , then I probably would have been a manual laborer of some sort. I would have gone into a typical man’s profession, never been a secretary or such. People can criticize me to make them feel better about themselves, but I genuinely do like manual labor - I really enjoy painting, landscaping, and especially demolition, like in the bathroom I did. I prefer self-education to a traditional brick and mortar education, so I probably would have not gone onto college, had it not been expected of me, and had the cost been prohibitive.

I do have an interest in orthodontistry - I was born with the super small jaw of my father and the huge teeth of my mother, so I looked pretty bad when I was a kid for several years. My self esteem improved a huge amount, I stopped having pain when eating, and I generally liked myself better after all my ortho work. I came out of my very shy shell. So it sorta “changed my life” if you will.

I promise not to be the Bobby Jindal of the SDMB :wink:

Child of two specialists, yep.

I am agnostic. My dad is a very lax Hindu (he eats beef but won’t kill bugs) and my mom is a Catholic in name only. She would be agnostic if the Church didn’t feed and clothe her for many years. I think wealth does play a critical role - I would be Catholic too if they’d taken care of me for years.

I don’t focus on the monetary parts of my life when I think about myself. But the choices I make on a daily basis are because I was raised with money. One example off the top of my head is that I have a BMW, which is AWD. It allowed me to drive in the winter storm when others couldn’t. As I grow older, I realize that having money has impacted my choices and direction in life, but that doesn’t mean I visualize myself as wealthy, or that my lifestyle is very consumer-oriented.

Being happy? Oh Og. I genuinely think it matters little as to how much you have, but more on your outlook. I know lots of people who have plenty, but what keeps them reaching for more is perennially being unsatisfied with what they have. I won’t be working 80 hour weeks like my parents. I will be working to live, not living to work. But I never wondered where my next meal was coming from, or what neighbors were going to be taken away in the night, either. I think happiness has to do with how much you’re able to do what you like - if you like your job, you’ll be happy. Or if you and your spouse are really made for each other, you can be happy amidst any crisis. There are plenty of studies that have come out recently showing that people who are in stable marriages are happier, live longer, etc. I definitely find this to be true, and a key ingredient - a loving, supportive partner for life.

My best friend from college (the one with 4 kids to a bedroom) has parents that couldn’t be happier despite hardly having a dime. But I will say that the aging process has taken their toll - his parents look far older than their late 50’s/early 60’s, whereas my parents (same age) are in a constant fight with the clock to look younger, and have largely succeeded. Constantly thinking about money leaves you haggard.

There definitely are :slight_smile:

Yep, pretty much!

That’s very kind, and very true. This country gave them a heck of a lot, and they never cease being appreciative. As much as they hate the fact my younger brother is going into the SEALS this summer, they’re also quite proud he’s serving the country.

62

HA! Got it in one :slight_smile:
Thanks for your responses and good luck to you in your journey.

63

Let’s see: you still have not answered the question if you think it’s realistic that someone from a poor background would realistically be going to orthodontic school?

Far from resenting my children having more than I did, it’s a major thing that helps me get up in the morning and go slog away that the job I do. I am giving them the opportunity to start much higher on the ladder than I did, and hopefully I’ve raised them to make the right decisions for them about their careers. I am not one that believes he who dies with the most toys wins.

I’m implying that being an orthodontist with a successful practice raking in $400k per year by roughly age 30 can only happen if starting from an advantage similar to yours (Horatio Algiers and ancedotal stories aside). One of my college roommates, who is an immigrant of unskilled parents, is a orthodontist with his own small practice - and it took him 20 years to be able to afford not putting in 2 days a week at someone else’s practice. I’d say this is probably a lot more “normal” than what you have planned.

As for messaging, perhaps you’re familiar with hubris? Your posts imply that you believe you are where you are because you work hard. An example is lack of sympathy for health care plight and risks for those lower down the socio-economic scale. Not a sign that *not only *you work hard *but also *at least acknowledge the advantage your parents wealth provide.

Nope, you highlight how you work hard compared to your peers and come off spoiled, IMHO. Maybe compared to the 25% of USC students that probably share your economic background, the fact you weeded your parents garden and worked part time at the USC library maybe makes you stand out but does not make those of us who did that to survive sympathetic to your tax class.

I am guessing that your mother is quite modest and does not exhibit such pretension.

Like I said, maybe you can learn that a little humilty can allow others to accept your accomplishment rather than resent your birthright. But that’s just me.

64

If you had been born with the mind you have, but did not have the advantages you had, would you have done manual labour?

No snark intended; I’m simply curious. I am a respected lawyer in my community, but I am entirely self-made. To get where I am today, I have had to (among other things) drive a semi-truck, work in a warehouse, and work on an assembly line. These were not part-time jobs I had while at school or summer jobs; they were work I needed in order to pay the rent, buy groceries, and other such things that kept the wolf from the door. I guess what I’m saying is that I was born with the mind I had, which is obviously a lawyer’s mind since I am admitted to the bar; and yet, I had to work a number of blue-collar jobs to get where I am today. Would you have done the same?

65

Bump

lindsaybluth - at least I would like to hear your take on where you’d be if you were a child of normal means as well as the likelihood of a child of normal means becoming a $400k/year.

66

China Guy, sorry you needed to bump - I never got an email reminder since Toe Jam’s message, so I thought the thread was long since done. I’ll reply in detail later tonight (computer’s still being repaired, it’s the logic board not the screen as they previously thought :o).

Spoons, the question I answered was would I have achieved without the means. I said yes, if I had the same mind, and access to the academic camps that I went to (some were on academic scholarship/free). I acknowledged that I would have done manual labor had I not had the mind. Both answers are taking into account the lack of means.

And I would have taken out loans, I believe, not worked much (beyond internships) in graduate school. But of course, that’s what I’d do right now if the world imploded and robber barons took my parents’ money and Castro’d their life, so to speak.

67

this could possibly be the most mundane and pointless thread. ever. in the history of internet fora.

68

It is certainly convenient not having to build a business up from scratch. I assume your family friend owns the business, otherwise he probably would not be able to sell it to you. Do you plan on paying for this business? Do you think making payments every month for the rest of your family friend’s life will cut into your bottom line?

I think many of us come from diverse places where friendships with people from all walks of life is common. Let me guess: you didn’t talk about money and you didn’t consume things they could not afford in front of them.

Out of curiosity, why did you go to USC? It’s a great school, but not exactly what one thinks of as elite.

69

There are many, many things I’ve wanted to comment upon in this thread, but this one strikes me as the most surprising. I question the wisdom of a well-established orthodontist promising his thriving practice to his friend’s child before she had even graduated college. Why did he agree to do this? It’s a huge risk for him to take . . . it sounds like you would be partners for a while, so at the very least during that period of time his reputation will be affected by your skills as an orthodontist. Wouldn’t he want to at least make sure you were competent before agreeing to sell you his business? Is your description of the situation wholly accurate?

Also, is $400K his profit or his gross before operating expenses are subtracted? If it’s his profit, then wow, he is in fact very successful. Good for him. He must be talented.

70

What a strange thread.

71

I know. Whenever I even think about anything I might say or ask, I see:

and change my mind.

72

In my experience persons who feel the need to point out how ‘well off’ they are, usually aren’t.

Persons who tell you the price of their clothes, cars, houses, watches, handbags, have issues with insecurity that they are trying to cover up with expensive goods.

I always have the same response, ick.

73

Oh, give the child of wealth a break—After all, her parents are in the midst of deciding between a Bentley and a Porsche (oh so very soon)

74

I went to USC because I had a half tuition scholarship and it had pretty good departments in my two main interests - chemistry and international relations. I transferred because of a few bad situations in the neighborhood, capped off by a really horrible one I’d rather not go into detail about.

Gestalt, by all means, what’s holding you back from asking them?

I’ve stated my relative location in the sdmb before, so I’m not going to go into huge detail about the ortho practice, for my own privacy and that of the family friend’s. In a nutshell, there are only two orthodontists in the area. One is the close family friend. He never “promised” it to me - being for free enterprise and all, if he got a great offer tomorrow I’d be sorely disappointed that he didn’t take it. The chances of someone else moving into the area to start up a practice themselves (it’s very depressed in some ways) is small. And yet, the area has a small university, a good sized hospital, and multiple small medical research centers and engineering businesses to have a sizable upper middle class. The children of these employees are the bulk of his business. So it’s a combination of the chronically depressed town combined with the small but growing areas that seek out ortho as a right of passage for their children that make it unlikely for someone else to step in. So many people in the upper-middle class here aren’t originally from here, so their offspring tend to move away and never return. Furthermore, because these factors, it’s incredibly unlikely that he’ll be made an offer to sell his practice. Neither of my parents (as it currently appears) will be able to sell theirs; most new physicians prefer to work for the hospital or for a large group. So there’s little downside (if he feels I’m competent) for him to sell it to me - I’ll be the only offer around.

I’m impressed with your question about my skills. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to inherit my mother’s hands. She is a surgeon, with incredible results (which I learned from colleagues, never from her). She once forced me to take a boring Sewing class in high school. I had no idea she was trying to “test” me, to see if I had steady hands. Amusingly enough, I was accused by the instructor of doing a project that was to be done by hand on a machine. It culminated in the instructor calling my house and my mom, amused and delighted, telling her our sewing machine had been broken for a year. Little anecdotes like these get passed onto the family friend. He also is aware of my academic gifts (I don’t call them successes, because I largely attribute my mind to genetics) and my DAT’s and such. I took a few sculpture classes in college to really test myself - how are my spacial relations? How comfortable do I feel with my hands? I definitely feel like I’m ahead of the curve, as I never see my peers doing similar things. Of course, medical and dental schools are filled with the best and the brightest. But what do you call the guy who graduates last in his class? Doctor, of course.

Maegelin, it’s unclear to what extent my parents will help me, but they’ll give me at least 50% of the purchase price of the practice. It’s also unclear how we’d do the phase in of me - would I start paying as I joined, and then pay more when he left? Or just pay when he left? Obviously there’s 6 years to figure this out.

75

OK, I think I’ve managed to think of how and what I want to ask while still remaining somewhat respectful.

I’m less interested in how you gelled with your roommates at college—where people come from a wide variety of backgrounds and, actually, part of the college experience is finding out how many ways of life different from yours there really are in the world—than I am about your relationships in high school. Did you ever date anyone with less money than you? What was their reaction?

Part of why I ask is that my best friend throughout HS and college came from a wealthy family. Her parents sold their home about 5 years ago, and it was very similar in size, location, and asking price to this, and that’s around what they got for it. (FWIW, this is partially why I kept having the eye-rolls in reading your thread. My friend was by no means the wealthiest person at our school. Far from it. But I went to school with the kids whose parents were the President of Harvard, the Chief Medical Officer of one of the Boston Hospitals, the President of Radcliffe, the guy who donated 50% of the exhibit space in the Science Museum, etc. I think Maeglin’s POV wasn’t as far off as you think).

I wasn’t a rich kid. Middle class at best. I went to Private School on a combination of academic scholarship and financial aid. But, even though my friend’s house was clearly much larger than ours, it never felt like there was this huge gulf between Rich Her and Not Rich me. Maybe I was just naive and slow to catch on, but I think it was more that we were surrounded by kids who were really freakin’ rich and it wasn’t something anyone really talked about. Although now that I think of it, by about our senior year in high school, I think I did start to feel the differences. I remember her being very upset because her parents didn’t know if the family was going to be able to take a vacation that they took every year and I was annoyed because my family hadn’t taken a real trip since I was 5 (a trip on which, funnily enough, I tried escargots. :wink: )

Anyhow, she and I started dating these 2 guys who I worked with, who were from a very blue collar part of Boston. They came to her house once when her parents were away and they were freaked out. They could not believe that her parents had so much money and it made them really, really uncomfortable. I can’t even describe the reaction the guy she was dating had. It was like he was amazed and sad and pissed all at the same time. Another time, she had some people from her job over and some guy stole $40 from her wallet because he figured she could afford it (he later admitted that). Have you had experiences like those?

76

waves

77

Suggested viewing: Born Rich.

This documentary will show you what it really means to be a “child of money.”

78

I haven’t seen it, but glancing over the first review given, I’d say that it looks correct. Some kids grow up nice, others get screwed over by the wealth. If they were poor, some would grow up nice, others would get screwed over by the poverty. It really depends on the individual and how that meshed with how they were brought up. Statistically, I suspect that rich kids probably do worse in their adulthood than middle class kids do.

People who suck at finances don’t stay rich for long. Given a pension of some sort, they’ll just blow through it instantly each week. And it’s easy to be bad at finances if you never had to think about it until your mid-20s.

Of course, if you are impressive, and you have the starting point of a wealthy upbringing, you can go much further than someone with a lower starting point.

79

Why would you accept scholarship money that you and your family didn’t need, thereby possibly depriving a person who actually does need the money?

80

You’ve been asked multiple times on where you think you’d be if you were “not a child of money” and still waiting for a response.

Or is this simply a vanity thread where you answer the “interesting” questions and ignore the one’s that are too close to home.

Ironically enough, I find you to be an *extremely *stereotypical 23 year old Doctor’s daughter that was a big fish in a small pond and has never done anything except get good grades even though I’m sure you see yourself as a rugged individualist.