You remember that old Far Side cartoon of a guy getting dressed with a huge sign on his wall saying,
“PANTS FIRST
THEN SHOES” ?
Well, for supervillians it’s:
“KILL HERO
THEN GLOAT” !!!
Apparently you’re the only one to ever get it right.
By the way, the preferred term these days is, “henchwench.”
(and, I don’t know, “mokebloke”?)
I’m thinking a floating island with outboard motors for my public HQ and throne room. Sunspace, do you do open-air climate control? I’d like my island to be tropical wherever I go.
Visitors bearing sufficient tribute are always welcome. If you have to ask if the tribute is sufficient, it’s not.
Great. You and Bookkeeper can go wrestle in the radioactive scorpian pit, and whoever comes out alive gets the job.
Not a problem. One method is to place tubes at about a hundred-metre depth a few kilometres out from your beaches. The tubes shoot a barrier of hot water upward and slightly inward towards your beaches, forming a curtain within the sea. This isolates your tropical shore from the surrounding arctic waters. Similarly, tubes lying on the water surface shoot a curtain of warm air into the sky to isolate your island’s warm breezes from the bitter cold arctic blasts. Believe me, finding enough heat is not a problem! We have even maintained a lava moat for another client using similar techniques.
Just to add, you may want to give your gourmet chef and his or her staff a holiday while any Heroes are around. Criminal masterminds intent on world domination seem to have this nasty habit of hosting the hero to a superb seven-course meal, during which they explain everything. It would seem to me that no gourmet chef = no gourmet meal = no temptation to tell all to the hero during dinner.
Of course, as a mastermind, you knew this already, MIS!, and I’m sure that when a hero comes calling, you’ll make sure to give your chef the night off. But I’m wondering what you do at such times. Phone for pizza or Chinese? Nuke a Swanson dinner? Leftovers?
One would suspect nuking would be involved… this is a criminal mastermind we’re speaking about, after all…
Wouldn’t be the first radioactive scorpion I have fucked…
Well, yes, but I I take your meaning correctly, it would seem to be awfully inefficient to explode a nuclear weapon in order to heat up a frozen dinner. Though I suppose if the frozen dinner was to be put in front of a microwave relay with enough output wattage (I’d imagine a criminal mastermind would have plenty of these in order to keep in touch with all henchfolk, minions, lackeys, and toadies around the world), it would heat up pretty quickly.
That reminds me; I have another question for MIS!: Could you please explain about minions, lackeys, and toadies; their similarities and differences; and the pros and cons of each? And could you illustrate with examples? And could you do it by Friday? (Note, this is not homework.)
Sorry, I don’t do radioactive scorpions. Allergies, you know.
I do have extensive experience in maintaining two, or even three, sets of books, however (modestly pointing to username). No reason to take any chances with the IRS, even for world-dominating criminal masterminds. Many’s the evil genius who has been brought low by overlooking proper tax categorizing of minion allowances and benefits, lair maintenance and repairs, and period-end accrued bribe expenses. Those IRS bastards are worse than any number of leagues of superheroes!
So are you saying that they are more evil, or less evil?
Depends on the size of the nuke, and the size of the frozen dinner. 
You could mount a sub-kilotonne radiation-enhanced nuke in the centre of a cave, and pack 50,000 Swanson’s Frozen Dinners around it (leaving space immediately around the nuke to allow for expansion). One push of a button, and they’re all heated! Much haster than even assembly-line techniques when you have a lot of minions to feed. And hey. Crawing into a radioactive cave to retrieve dinner? That’s what minions are for.
What about destroying the Earth because it might look cool, or to see what would happen?
There can be only one.
Don’t stray down any dark alleys or unlit streets. I’ll be waiting with my claymore. 
That’s more of mad scientist thing, which is a bit outside my area of expertise. Consult your local chapter of EUEPDETBTAVE (Evil Union of Evil People Doing Evil Things Because They Are Very Evil).
Remember, not all arch-villains are mad scientists, and not all mad scientists are arch-villains.
Are you planning any mass executions? And, if so, do you have any plans for the corpses? 'Cause I can take them off your hands for you.
Don’t be silly, that’s what Jupiter is for.
Tell you what- I’ll give you your zombies to play with if you use them to keep those wombats under control.