Let’s say that that sick bastard **Fabulous Creature ** finally manages to conquer the Earth. Foolishly he takes you into his inner circle, whereupon you use his obsessions with Natalie Portma, Alice Sebold, and the Thundercats to manuever him into a vulnerable state, the better to shoot him in the back of the head. After doing so, you take his place.
As Imperator, you now must deal with all the minutia. Your Minister of Internal Security/Random Beheadings/Silly Walks gives you a list of people who are judged to be current threats to your realm, potential threats to your realm, or simply annoying you can sign off on their executions. No one on this list is a member of your family or circle of acquaintances. Scanning the list, you find you approve of most of it–Tony Stark, Kim Possible, Ann Coulter–but one name gives you pause.
“No,” you say. “Spare ____.”
“But Imperator!” the Minister says. “_____ is a clear and present threat to your realm. We dare not allow _____ to live unmolested”
“Quiet!” you bark. “I have spoken. _____ has always been an important part of my life because of ______, ______, and _____! The very most I will authorize is house arrest, and even then ______ must be kept comfortable. No way _____ gets fed to the alligators!”
Fill in the blank.
I have a few friends in law school who would doubtless prove fearless and resourceful opponents of my regime. One in particular is a former Communist Party organizer, and has the organizational/rhetorical skills to rally the masses against my oppressive rule. However, I haven’t the heart to have any of these people killed - I’ve spent too much time studying with them, and drinking heavily after exams. Besides, a capable domestic opposition will help keep my security services on their toes. These people will live comfortable lives of enforced seclusion, unless that becomes truly impossible to safely maintain.
If I’m the Evil Overlord, then I can easily arrange to have people’s lives, employability and credibility destroyed without simply killing them outright.
Nope, no blanks being filled in here. Those people got their names on that list fair and square. I’m not making that classic blunder and the next thing you know I’m working as a telemarketer in Secaucus because I had a moment of thought. Kill them. Kill them all and bring me their eyes.
Way to go on the proof there, Mr. Byzantine. Can you identify that those are actually their eyes, as opposed to the eyes of J. Random Minion who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Your slacker lieutenants will just bring you the eyes they collect from the Administrative Detainee of the Hour.
You’d be better off having the operation performed in your Operating Theatre / Lecture Hall O’ Doom, under your direct observation.
Well, speaking as El_Kabong the Merciless, I can hardly earn anyone’s fear and respect if I start making arbitrary exceptions. If you’re on the list, eventually I’ll be playing polo with your head in a sack. Simple as that.
The really hot guys should get to live. I like the house arrest thing though, they need to be available for me to play with. After I tire of them, then immediate execution. (I may be an evil overlord, but I still have needs ya know!)
Oh fine, *you * go ahead and spare people left and right. I’ll have my attorneys watch for the forclosure sale on your Secret Volcano Lair. But you do have a point on the identification of whose eyes a certain pair might be…
Bring me the heads then. With the eyes gouged out with hot pokers and a live tarantula sewn in the mouth. Better?
Oh, no…no, no, no, no. I’m not THAT stupid! My personal hero will be the first against the wall. I can have no one in my realms who warps my objectivity and ruthlessness. And none of this elaborate laser saw pendulum whatever shit. Machine guns. Walls. Blindfolds. Point blank range.
Nah, if they’re female, hot, and cute I’ll spare them for my harem, but otherwise I will give no quarter. And it’s the John the Baptist treatment: severed heads, please.
“But Imperatrice!” the Minister says. “Tony Stark is a clear and present threat to your realm. We dare not allow him to live unmolested!”
“Quiet!” you bark. “I have spoken. Tony Stark has always been an important part of my life because of his snarky banter, his deliciously angsty moral conflicts, and his hoyay tension with Captain America! The very most I will authorize is [del]house arrest[/del] getting a better writer, and even then I will only approve of someone on the level of J. Michael Straczynski. No way Tony Stark gets fed to the alligators!”
“What about Ann Coulter, your Highness?” the Minister inquires.
Hmmm… I’d like to spare my friends and family. Crap, I’m never going to make a good Evil Overlord. Anyone know how to remove unwanted scruples?
If I could lock away my heart in a chest like in PotC III, then I’d kill all males on the planet, and of course all female dissenters. I’d leave administration of the realm to a solitary henchman while I carouse. There’s no way he would turn on me later.