Evil Overlord Rule #26: No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
Yeah, but I really, really, really want a threesome with Anne Coulter and Laura Ingraham.
“Your Unutterableness…”
“Hm? Yes, yes Chief Advisor. Do make it quick old chap, I believe I’ve finally gotten this paint by number thing figured out.”
“Your Untterabless, the disident you in you glory ordered spared…”
“Yes, yes. Artists and musicians are always writing and signing things. My order stands.”
“But your Unutterableness!”
[Intercom] “Dovey, take out an ad in ‘Dictators Are Us Daily’ for a Chief Advisor.”[/Intercom]
“That will not be necessary, Your Unutterableness!”
“You watch your ass.”
You know I wrote that just to be nice to you, right? 
Also to keep you from killing my thread.
Warren Ellis. Because he is the Internet Jesus. Even though he’d probably end up organizing the resistance.
RD Rivero, who none of you have probably ever heard of. But he’s a giant Thundercats fan who writes really sick and twisted stuff. Well, wrote.
[/QUOTE]
I keep meaning to ask… do you mean Warren Ellis or Warren Ellis?
Also, I need more info on this sick and twisted Thundercats stuff.
No reason.
Why do you hate hyenas? What have hyenas ever done to you? I happen to know you have a perfectly functional molecular disintegrator thing at your disposal (for obvious reasons I have an inventory of **Fabulous Creature’s ** equipment); why are intent on poisoning those poor hyenas?
Ingraham I can see. But Coulter? Seriously? Do you not LIKE your penis in its current un-bitten-off-by-vaginal-teeth-and-then-chewed-up-and-digested state?
First, I would wholesale liquidate all of the lawyers in the world. Next the politicians, then the major corporate CEOs, and then work my way down to that guy that invented Time Cube. The list would go on and on. . .
I’d spare the Dopers, but I’d put Cluricaun in solitary confinement for 10 years on a bread and water diet for making fun of Seacaucus.
Tripler
Obviously, I’d spare my lovely wife. She’d be my Imperiatrix [sub]or something[/sub].
Neil Gaiman can live. (He’s better than Warren Ellis anyday! :p)
You appear to be answering a question asked in an entirely different thread.
Was it the intent of the OP to actually spare the threat harm, or merely not kill them? There are a LOT of things worse than death. For example, if I were Evil Overlord God-Emperor of Sol System, and someone made the supreme mistake of unsuccessfully assassinating me, they would go to my Imperial Center for Experimental Neurosurgery¹, a.k.a. The Monkey House²
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is there a language where that acronyms as N.I.C.E.?
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From the following quote I don’t know where to attribute: “Anything that can be done to a rhesus monkey can be done to a human being. We can do some horrific things to rhesus monkeys.”
Make one up. You’re an evil overlord. I suggest Neurosurgerie Imperielle Centre Experimentale.
Which is why Jennifer Connelly gets sent to my harem instead of executed.
You could borrow from C.S. Lewis’s That Hideous Strength. The N.I.C.E. stood for National Institute for Coordinated Experiments.
I fear my reign as Evil Overlord would be shortlived. Sadly my libido would probably take over my rational mind at the thought of every hot bodied guy on the planet being at my beck and call.
While Coulter would be food for anorexic alligators right off the bat- I can’t think of anything she adds- most people I’d far rather have live and atone for their misdeeds.
-Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Alberto Gonzales, and other High Level Bush Officials: I like the idea of them sharing cells at Guantanamo and making baskets and boats in bottles to be given out to my courtiers.
-Britney Spears- she’s not evil, she just needs to be placed in a convent somewhere where they can help her.
-Rush Limbaugh- I like the thoughts of using him in a reality show, such as “How Bad Does Rush Want the Oxycontin?”
-Bill O’Reilly- I’d love to put him behind a microphone that’s never turned on in a soundproof room.
-Geraldo Rivera- the tee-shirt concession at Guantanamo perhaps, if Dennis Miller needs help.
Paris Hilton- I’d also send her to a convent, but not for treatment, just punishment.
Confiscate their estates of course (I’d save out enough of Britney’s to take care of her kids and give her some comfort even, but for Limbaugh and ilk’s I’d go through their pockets for spare change after seizing all properties). Said funds would go into the Sampiro Imperator Augustus Discretionary Redistribution Fund.
This is why all the lizards hate you, Jon.
Oh, they’re all already dead in the purges FC conducted right after the conquest.
You are very wise. Have you any sort of newsletter I may subscribe to?
Why do you hate nuns?
Oh, spare from harm. There’s no freaking way I’m doing anything to Valerie Martin that will prevent her from writing more books. And anyone caught even THINKING about doing harm to Natalie Portman will be sent to toil in my pickle mines.
I got distracted. At first, I was focused on who would be first. And then besides the obvious, (HRH, The most Perfect Imperatix, my wife), I couldn’t decide. I got caught up in administrata of the pecking order to the feedline into the machines. 
But while I have time (whilst I plan the Revolution), I can pick and choose. But if I had to choose right now, it’d be Emeril Lagasse or the guys that opened up Sticky Fingers.
I mean, I’m the Overlord. I had better damn well eat like a friggin’ king.
Tripler
“Peasant! Fetch me a handtowel and another side of ribs!”
You could always just wipe your hands on a handy steaming peasant. Or better yet, have a peasant whose sole job is to hold and rotate the rib for you. Think outside the box like a good overlord.
Love,
The Imperiatrix, (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) Nawth Chucka
Y’all need a remedial dictatoring course. They’re serfs, not peasants. “Peasant” gives them an uplifting illusion of freedom and self-worth. You can’t have that. “Serf” means they belong to you and are on the level of those little prong-thingies you stick in the ends of a corncob to keep your hands from getting all buttery.
Unfortunately, to spare the people I most want to spare, I’ll first have to resurrect them. This may prove a problem.
Of those still living I’d be certain to spare Farley Mowat, even if he is a simpering Greenie*. (He’d also be put at the head of the line for anti-gerone treatments when the crash program on those meets with success.)
*Alright, alright, I admit it - I’d be sparing him because he’s a simpering Greenie.
Poetic justice. I promise you, those hyenas will get the best of medical care and attention afterwards…
(Warren Ellis the comic book writer/graphic novelist is the Internet Jesus. And yes, I will also spare him.)