Darn it all, Alice the Goon, I was so enjoying this thread, and then … you reminded me that, by necessity, my son frequently goes into bathrooms by himself. In airports all over the world, no less. LA, Paris, Frankfurt … :eek: :eek: :eek:
Don’t get me wrong here. I couldn’t care less who has sex with whom or how they solicit it … but I don’t want my son to witness things that might disturb or confuse him. This is not homophobia; I’d feel equally, perhaps more, concerned if he was a witness to inappropriate heterosexual antics.
So jayjay: did you ever see kids in the restrooms where you were stall-crawling? Do you think guys generally are careful not to be lewd in front of a child?
There’s an effort by the mayor of Fort Lauderdale to install pay toilets specifically for the purposes of discouraging these types of hook-ups (sounds like, from this thread, his effort is contrary to his intent). This guy has been outwardly discriminatory towards homosexuals, and is getting lots of condemnation from the (fairly sizable) local gay population.
Damn, you were around when Times Square was like that? I’ve always wondered which would be preferable–the seedy Times Square or the overrun by tourists and bright lights and huge billboards Times Square. You might need to start your own “Ask the…” thread.
Wow! I’ve learned a lot about stuff I never even knew to ask about. Hope jayjay will come back soon to answer some of the more recent questions.
I’ve been noticing some recently-built bathrooms where the stall walls go all the way down to the floor. Makes 'em tougher to clean but would discourage under-wall hookups, I guess.
I caught the tail end (hah!) of it (very Midnight Cowboy-ish) and, in a way, I’m glad I did.
I would have preferred a more normal and straightforward socialization and coming-of-age, but spending the first 17 years of my life as a Black male, repressed and living in Bible-belt Mississippi, just made that impossible. However, I was able, through this backdoor (hah!), to learn to shed my oppression and express my sexuality without fear and, eventually, without darkness (as I said above).
I think every large city should have a gritty side. I know a lot of changes occurred because of AIDS, etc., but, absent some more extreme seedy aspects of that type of environment, it can be an outlet for those who need it.
As far as starting my own “Ask the…” thread; I’m way too shy.
Will and Grace. I’m not kidding. I’ve seen about three episodes of the show and I distinctly remember a line about anonymous sex in public restrooms which all the main characters(incuding Grace and the mean bitch, whatever her name was) turning red and looking away at the mention of it.
I actually thought this was fairly common knowledge. There was a cruising bathroom on the first floor of the library(across from the circulation desk) at my university. I couldn’t believe it, but there it was. The exact signals are almost certainly not common knowledge(after all, they are shibboleths) but the presence of this type of activity I thought was fairly well known. Maybe it’s because we went on lots of road trips when I was a kid and I used more than my fair share of rest stop restrooms(we had diesel vehicles, so we’d stop where the truckers stoped). Messages about how to get faily anonymous(CB Handle was about the only identifying info) sex were pretty common.
Dude, I try to think of myself as enlightened, but given what’s being reported here I don’t think it’s overreacting to be concerned. One guy reported that this sort of activity went on at a mall, another reported a library, the Indiana sociologist on NPR yesterday said that rest stops are common, and the good senator was arrested in the airport. Those aren’t strip clubs and they are certainly places where young kids might be walking in a toilet without a parent.
So instead of belittling her and saying it’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever read (which I am skeptical of), why not cut the sarcasm and try to be respectful. She asked a reasonable question. It was neither hysterical nor homophobic. So why not answer in kind?
Alice the Goon you have a point. However, my gut feeling tells me that the men in question would generally (excepting the rare pedophile) take great care not to be seen by a child. The cops would come down hard enough for public lewdness etc. Being seen by a minor brings up a slew of other, much more damaging charges and public hatred. Compare ‘Yeah, the fairy down the street got caught polesmoking in a public bathroom and is now a registered sex offender.’ with ‘The fairy down the street showed his dick to a kid’ which is more likely to lead to lynching?
I think it should remain illegal. There are plenty of bathrooms in porno theaters, porn shops, etc where no one will complain and where there are no minors. OTOH there are kids in airport bathrooms.
JayJay Thanks for this thread. How do most gay businesses view this? Do Giovani’s Room (GLBT bookstore), Woody’s (Gay Disco) and the 12th Air Command (drag bar) condone this behavior or even have bathrooms designed for it?
Other than truck stops (obviously chosen for travelling convenience) why not go to a bath house instead?
For a few, it’s the thrill of sex in public. For most, it’s because they’re closeted or in some serious denial. Actually going into a gay bar or bath house means that one is gay. Going to a public bathroom is something everyone does. Too many people could have spotted Senator Craig entering or being in a gay disco.
I am surprised that people don’t know about this, as well. It seemed to be pretty common knowledge when I was around high school & college-age that a particular department store men’s room in the local mall was a cruising spot. I’ve never been in it, not being a guy, but guys I knew (both gay and straight) have mentioned it to me.
Have the concerned parents of the thread missed the point from the actual posters who’ve participated in this activity that they listen for signs of someone entering the restroom to cease activity abruptly and get back to “normal”? Squeaky doors and double entrance doors and whatnot? Exhibitionism doesn’t seem to play into it. It seems to be more about anonymous sex with a side of self-loathing.
I haven’t read the entire thread yet, but I just have to say, Lemur866, that your post cracked me the hell up!
Hideous troll? I want to say, gee, *someone’s * certainly learned the lingo, but I don’t know if you’re family or not (and too tired/lazy right now to do a search for clues). Anyway, it made me laugh, so thanks.
And not to step on **jayjay’s ** toes, but I’ll just add that, in my experience, I usually didn’t have to worry about throwing up in my mouth a little bit. Then again, I was never a stall crawler (not being quite *that * courageous)–I was a glory hole whore. Y’know–show me yours (just *that * part, thankyouverymuch, through the little whole in the wall), or I’ll show you mine, and…well, gentlemen, start your knee pads.
Partial blame should also rest on the Minnesota Tourism Council, for their endlessly-aired “What Happens in the Men’s Room Stays in the Men’s Room” television promos.
This activity usually takes place between two closed stalls. The contact is made either through a glory hole or under the partition. Both stall doors are locked, and there is NO chance that a child can accidentally witness what’s happening, unless he actually crawls under the door or partition. So for all you straight people with kids: Aren’t you afraid your kid’s gonna walk in and catch you in the act? And what are the long-term consequences if he does? Not that I’m totally defending this type of behavior, but I don’t recall any time when a third person (child or adult) noticed what was happening.
Some people have mentioned college campuses. You all know how strong the hormones are at that age, plus a lot of people are experimenting or coming out at that age. So bathroom sex is EXTREMELY common in campus restrooms. And it almost always involves students, rather than adults.
Bathroom smells: believe me, I’m no more turned on by bathroom smells than anyone else, thank you. Wasn’t there a psychologist who said that gay men are attracted to the smell of urine? Did they even ask a gay man about this?
Another point: don’t assume that every gay man does this, or has ever done it. It was much more common during the '60s through the mid-'80s than it is now.
Thanks for this great post, but I’m not so sure about the “self-loathing” part. Many of these guys are either totally closeted for life, or they’re at a particular stage in the coming-out process. Coming out is more than just telling people you’re gay . . . you’re entering into a foreign sub-culture with its own language, customs, rules, etc., and it could take years and years to discover which sub-sub-sub-culture(s) you are comfortable with.
There have always been huge numbers (way more than you realize) of “straight” guys who discover that they enjoy having sex with other guys, but don’t want to live a “gay lifestyle.” Many of them discover the world of anonymous sex, including restroom sex, and they find that, if nothing else, they can get their rocks off without disrupting their lives. They grab a quickie on their way home from work, then go home to their families, and no one’s the wiser. For some guys, this continues for years and years, simply because they don’t think there’s any alternative. Once the habit begins, it’s thought of as just a way to get your rocks off, not much different than masturbation.
I love the logic here. How does he think that’s going to work? How many guys are going to see the coin slot and think, “I gotta pay a quarter? For a blowjob? Ta hell with that! I got better things to spend my loose change on!”
