To expand on this, if you are caught with your long time SO having sex in a public place, gay or straight, do you think thats OK? Myself, I plead guilty to the charge, pay my fine or whatever, and take it as a lesson learned.
Its not the solicitation that people are having a problem with. It’s that it’s almost definite that it’s solicitation for having sex in public.
ETA also, I’m way slow on the trigger
I used to pick up women in bars, often with the intent of taking them home with me. Comparing notes with a gay friend once, it just seems a hell of a lot easier to be gay if you’re just after sex. I’ve rarely had sex with a woman without knowing their name (or at least what they wanted to be called) and never without talking to them.
Some questions:
When you were restroom crawling, how often would you go? Once or several times a day, week or month?
Did you have regular places you went to all the time?
Are these completely anonymous relationships? Ever exchange name or phone numbers for further hookups, or was the it that the anonymous aspect was part of the excitement?
Did you ever develop a relationship from someone you met in a restroom?
I was introduced to keyholing on this board. Did you go to places with keyholes? How common are they?
Did you ever accidentally hit on someone who was straight and got offended? (I almost did once. I was using a urinal in Kyoto was, and there were about 3 urinals in a row in what would have to be called a cubbyhole, with the entrance only from one side. (terrible design) I was using the outside unit, and another Westerner came to use the facilities. He had to squeeze past me, with barely enough room to get by, and embarrassingly said something like there wasn’t much room, to which I replied that they wanted us to get tight. :smack: )
What’s the rejection ratio? Once you’ve determined that the person is within your age group, is it pretty much anyone is OK?
Me too. I can’t remember when I’ve last seen one, if ever, and I’m in my early 40s.
The only exception are the fully automatic coin operated kiosk bathrooms in downtown Boston, mostly in areas a lot of tourists frequent.
And one that’s been chosen for lack of cleanliness and maintenance, too…
I remember coin operated stalls. 10 cents. At Hudson’s. All the ladies would hold the door open for the next lady, so one dime went really far. sometimes my mom would have me crawl under the stall door to unlock it so she didn’t have to fish in her handbag of doom for a dime. (This was before germs existed, and stuff like that there.) I’m 40.
Never thought I would contribute to a stall-crawl gay sex thread. I feel so hip.
I’d like to respond to a few things that some of you have asked about, and I’m not speaking from anyone’s experience but my own.
There are plenty of bathrooms in gay-oriented establishments, gay bookstores, bars, movie houses, etc. . . . places that are not frequented by non-gay men. I always felt much more comfortable in these places than the more “public” rest rooms.
I also have to point out that there are plenty of opportunities for anonymous sex, other than public bathrooms. I’d say that most guys who frequent public bathrooms are fairly closeted, and struggling with many coming-out issues. To most of them, this is the only way they know of to have gay sex. And yes, most of them eventually outgrow it.
Contrary to jayjay’s experiences, there were many times when I did go home with, or take home, someone I met in this situation. And yes, there were times when it led to a relationship. In fact my current relationship (almost 20 years) began with anonymous sex (though not in a public restroom).
In my mind, it’s akin to an attempted crime. Soliciting, in public, for sex elsewhere - no problem. Initiating, by highly distinctive behavior, public sex, which may force unwilling people to witness it, I think is anti-social. I have no problem with having sex in public being a crime, nor do I worry about police arresting people who have not fully consummated the act, but are clearly attempting it. I also think the rule should apply equally to anonymous gay couplings and committed couples “celebrating” their 50th anniversary in a stall.
Highly enlightening, thank you.
I’m sure being gay isn’t all fun and games, but one of my early thoughts was:
Straight guys have to plan an evening in the same meticulous detail as Hannibal’s incursion into Italy over the Alps, and only for the hope of getting a bit lucky. Maybe not even that night, but perhaps the stage is set for some subsequent night. Now I learn that gay men just need a restless leg in the men’s room – and it’s understood that that means on-the-spot sex. Is that fair?
oo. Well played, sir.
You know, if they can figure out a way to get it on in a 3 x 4 stall without breaking something, then I say we show them some leniency.
I can only assume the danger is part of the appeal, but some irresistible force compels me to ask:
Were you ever afraid of being assaulted when you went under the stall wall? It seems like kneeling and exposing yourself puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position, while entering the same stall would put the two of you on more equal footing. Are there different signals for different arrangements?
I’m a girl, but in my experience, most men are obviously quite protective of their privates–and it seems like that position is just asking for it. (ha! but seriously…) Of course, being a horny teenager probably helps gloss over the risk.
I can understand the appeal of anonymous and/or publix sex, but it’s difficult for me to imagine any circumstances, ever, in which I would find anything the least bit erotic about a public toilet— which was the motivation for my (partially facetious) question upthread about being conditioned to arousal by the smells.
I’ve heard that some intravenous drug users* come to enjoy poking themselves with needles even when there are no drugs to be had, so I wondered if it might be a similar phenomenon, where something normally considered unpleasant or distasteful is perceived as positive simply by association.
I do like sex, and likewise enjoy a good steak dinner and bottle of wine, but neither sound particularly appealing in the environment of a waste-spattered bathroom.
This may be slightly off-topic, but where’s the most surprising place you’ve found a glory hole? (I was shocked when a guy friend mentioned there was one in a Manhattan library he frequented. Then he told me they weren’t that rare, which surprised me. I guess it’s a bit like when guys find out how many times a day women get hit on.)
Two quickies from me…
Does the act itself take place in the stalls, or out in the main body of the rest room? The impression I get from the thread is that it’s an “under the stalls” act, which is behind closed doors?
Are the “signals” recognised nationally / internationally? I guess they don’t issue you with a handbook or anything, but would you feel comfortable cruising in e.g. London or Paris using the same techniques?
Well, they don’t get to handle boobs. I’ll call it a draw.
There seems to be a resugence in the installation of pay-toilet facilities. A quick Google search brought up San Francisco and a couple of Scandinavian countries as leaders in this touted-as-hygeinic movement. These are regions that tend to be on the political leading edge with regard to the rights and comfort of gay people. Am I seeing a connection where one does not exist?
That’s why there are so many repressed, homophobic ‘straight’ guys (and so few male bisexuals)!
This doesn’t make any sense. Please explain.
Did you ever do the park/movie house thing?
I discovered the movie houses in Times Square, in the early/mid-80’s when it was still grittiest, smuttiest heyday.
Surprisely, getting involved in those things is what helped me come out.
I began to figure, if we were in there in such large numbers, we were also out there in the world at large. I just had to emerge from the hidden dark and go look.