I think that is is great that you were able to do that for your brother-in-law’s service. There are several vendors that have called to offer this type of service to our mortuary, and we are more than happy to connect families who want this service with those vendors, but it is not something that our home directly provides. We make no money on the services these vendors provide to the families but put them in touc wit the providers as a convenience.
There are a lot of vendors who rely on the funeral industry that are not directly related to the funeral home. Florists, video production, sound technicians, musicians, security providers, caterers. Pretty much service that would work for a wedding will also work for a funeral, after all. I am sure you could make a living!
This is true because of the difficulty for family run funeral homes to compete in a market that has become dominated by corporations and conglomerates.
If you mean underworld influences, I have never seen any indication of it in my experiences.
It’s funny you should say that, because just today there was an article about ongoing work in two city squares here in Montreal that used to be cemeteries (Place d’Armes and Square Dorchester). A group was complaining about the city having moved certain bones (that are over 150 years old!), saying they should be left in place. The city argued that they only moved a subset of the skeletons, those at risk of being damaged by the work. The bones were moved to our most prominent cemetery (Notre-Dame-des-Neiges) and will be given a special monument.
Wish this had occurred to the funeral home that did my dad’s funeral. The funeral home supplied a hearse and another car. Rather than putting them one at the front and one at the back of the convoy, they put them both at the front – and sure enough, some relatives’ cars got cut off by traffic, got lost, and ended up at the wrong cemetery altogether, before giving up and going home.
Tell us about the “coolest” funeral you’ve ever done.
Hi, Opal!
Two things I need to get off my chest: one, the funeral DVD thing. I’ve heard of this before - different strokes and all that but I gotta say … why the HAYEL (as we say here in the South) would someone want something like that? I just buried my mother in February; it was, naturally, one of the worst days of my life. Who’d want to watch footage of one of their darkest hours!!!
Two, for you readers out there … if you liked “Stiff” by Mary Roach, you’ll also like “Remember Me: A Lively Tour of the New American Way of Death” by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen. Very ver’ good book (Apologies if someone else has already mentioned it.)
My father (also a funeral director) had a very similiar case. He had a two-year-old who was beaten to death by his mother. At one point, they brought the mother into the viewing in shackels. He said he had to leave the room at that point.
I am not sure if I am misunderstanding this article, but it would seem to me far more disrespectful to do construction over unexhumed remains. Perhaps I am missing some key point here!
Sorry that this happened at your father’s funeral - it is relatively difficult to keep a large convoy together, even with the use of a professional motorcade service. Whenever I have done services where the family has decided to have processional to the cemetery I also make sure to distribute maps to everyone in the processional just in case they get separated from the group. Having these maps keeps the stragglers from freaking out too much if they get lost - this is important because folks tend to already be a little emotionally wired up at times like this and it really does not take much to push them over the edge.
As far as the weirdest services, it would not be appropriate for me to share specific experiences as I am ethically bound to keep arrangements confidential out of respect for the families.
In terms of what I have found to be very cool - some services are structured by the family to be more of a celebration of the decedent’s life rather than a conventionally structured funeral service (which admittedly tends to be a bit more somber) While these sort of services are not for everyone, I do admit that I have noticed that the congregants and families seem happier.
I have also found that Scattering at Sea services tend to be uplifting as well. The family gathers on board a seagoing vessel and the cremains are placed in a container on top of which the family places flower petals. When the container is dropped below the waterline the ashes disperse and the petals float to the surface, sort of marking the spot. The ship then circles the burial site slowly while the family drops flowers into the water, forming a circle around the site. Often, these boats are accompanied by dolphins on their way out and back to the dock.
With regard to documenting the service with a video or photographs, this is sometimes of comfort to families, especially if this can be shared with family members later who were not able to be present at the service. Some cultures will actually hire a professional photographer to take a group photo with the family standing around the casket at the cemetery or on the steps of the church. Granted, this is not for everyone as some families may find this to be upsetting and in this regard I can completely understand your issue with it. Still, we are more than happy to accomodate these requests if it will be of comfort to the family.
Sir, I am very sorry about the loss of your father and would also like to take this opportunity to say that I appreciate the sacrifices that veterans like your father have made in order to protect and serve our country in the USN. It is because of people like your father that we Americans can live free and proud. So, on behalf of a grateful nation, I thank you and your family for your father’s honorable service.
The hardest cases to deal with are those involving children, and these are even more tragic when the death is due to violence. I can completely understand how your father must have felt under these circumstances as I too would have had difficulty controlling my emotions and especially my feelings of disdain for the agressor.
Panda, I neglected to thank you for hipping me to this book - I will check it out. Also, please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother in February. I realize that it is very difficult to lose your mother, and I wish you and your family the best of luck in the future.
I want to be clear that he was not KIA. After a couple/few years in the Army, dad joined the Navy. He retired after 20 years in the Navy as an O-3 (Naval Lieutenant). Then he spent 22 years in the FAA, retired, and died in 1998. Before his traumatic brain injury in a crash, he said wanted whatever could be used to be harvested, his body to be cremated, and to be buried at sea (preferably off Point Loma, California). My sister wanted to dump him from a JetSki. I thought a Naval burial would be more dignified.
The chaplain said the words, the honour guard fired the salute, and the plank was tipped and his box slid from under the flag into the sea.
Of the three funerals I have videotaped, the one for my brother-in-law that I webcast has been viewed 120 times. You’re welcome to watch it. He died of ALS, a terrible disease that whittled away the life of a very active, vibrant man who loved my sister since they were kids. His memorial was a celebration of his life, and it was an hour and a half of people talking about why they loved him. All I can say is that people wanted to hear what their friends and family had to say if they missed the funeral, or to remember what they heard if they were there.
As they say, the funeral is not for the deceased, but for the surviving family and friends. The other two have also been watched multiple times, even though one is up on YouTube as a private video, which means people have to share the link. That one was for a very talented photographer and teacher who had students and fans all over the world, and they have been sending the link to each other to watch it, even though I made DVDs for the members of his family and best friend.
I buried my mom five years ago and can remember her funeral very clearly. But my father died when I was 16. I wish I had a film or tape of his memorial to have some idea of all the people who spoke. I could watch it now to try to get a bit better understanding of the man now that I am older than he was when he died, and I have aged to look so much like I remember him.
Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come. - The Big Chill
Kill the thread? Bury it?
seriously, I found an ad in the fishwrapper’s obits that is a great releif. (thecity) cremations, they responded to my mail quickly, and cost advantage was superior.
Many folks do decide to go with a cremation service and this sometimes is perfect for their needs. I do know that there have been some issues with specific providers of this service from time to time, so I do suggest that you do a little research into the firm. Even something like checking with posts on Yelp and making a inquiry with Consumer Affairs can provide a lot of good information and feebdback. I think the primary drawback of these service is that they will only take care of the cremation and will not offer any other services which can work for your family depending on your specific needs.
You are correct that you can donate your body to science and in those cases they will take care of all charges related to dispostion. This too is not an option for everyone, but can be done if you so desire.
(Apologies if someone else has already mentioned it.)