As long as this thread is bumped, I’ll take advantage of it :).
I apologize if this has been asked before, but the 1000 or so posts in the previous ATGG prevents reading them all again and I have no idea what to search for…
What are some of the discrete signals that some gay folks use to communicate their preferences, etc. The reason I ask is one of the SDMB gay posters (I forget which one, sorry!) posted a story about going to a party and wearing a hankerchief/bandanna from his rear pocket, which meant he was a bottom I think…
Are these signals regional? How widespread is the usage?
Oh no the handkerchief code! I thought that fell out of use years ago. Basically different color cloth indicates different things although I believe the color standard could be pretty regional and it never seemed worth my while to learn. Besides, IMO, mistaken identification is too easy
I’m not sure there’s one universal code per se these days as more and more gay people are open about it. A rainbow flag is not a symbol but rather a foghorn, though I guess that might count as a national one. Mostly one gleans the information from context if one is outside a gay environment. Are they dating? Have they ever dated? Are they studiously avoiding the gender of said date while telling a story? Where do they volunteer, if anywhere? Interests, hobbies… it all generally adds up like any other attempt to learn about a person although sometimes you’re looking less at the pieces you have and more at the pieces which are missing in an attempt to find shape.
But for symbols, I would say the distinctive-colored rainbow jewelry is the best bet to keep an eye out for.
As Priam mentioned, there was a rather involved and complex hanky code system used somewhat in the 70’s (here is one example of the list, although no one single list is really canonical or complete). According to one source, it started with a humor article in the Village Voice in New York saying that instead of just keys left/keys right (signalling top/bottom, which was somewhat more commonplace to see), a more distinct system of colored bandanas might be more useful. Reports vary over how widespread and/or how much people really used the code, but it’s certainly a part of gay lore now. I get the impression some people used it at one point, but it never really took off. When AIDS hit in the 80’s, casual pick-ups became tainted, and anyone still using the hanky code became gauche. Still, some queer leather/levi specialty stores still carry the bandanas and still post lists of what they mean.
But the hanky code was basically a sexual thing. If you want to figure out if someone is gay these days, there’s gaydar (and I’m discovering that you either have it or you don’t, but that it can be developed over time), there’s hanging out at gay locales (bars, community centers, stores, restaurants, neighborhoods, etc.), and there are the obvious symbols of the rainbow pride flag (and here are but a few variations thereof), the bear and pride flags, the [url=“http://www.usd.edu/student-life/orgs/glba/gifs/triangle-pink.gif”]pink triangle, the labrys, and even the “equal” symbol used by the Human Rights Campaign. You’ll see lots of these on car bumpers, jewelry, etc. I’ve got a little rainbow flag at my desk at work, and a rainbow squiggle on the back window of my car. It’s helpful when my car breaks down and some nice lesbian pulls over to help (that actually happened to me once!).
Beats the clown (literally!) I had stop to help once. Knew his cars, too.
Do you ever find the rainbow generates confusion with the ‘de Colores’ icon? I first ran into that in Spain as a religious thing (this would be the late 1980s or so) and occasionally see it on bumper stickers to this day.
I’ll admit to not having read through the entire thread, so if this has been asked and answered forgive me:
Why the animus towards us bisexuals? I’ve heard “You’re just gay and scared to admit it,” “Come down off the fence,” and “Make up your fucking mind” from more than one gay person. My response has always been “My sexual preference is none of your business unless I’m attracted to you, and besides, how 'bout a little of that acceptance that you all are fighting so hard to gain?”
So, again, my question: What is up with some gays toward their bisexual brothers and sisters?
But, Walloon, how do you know that they’re not really bisexual? Isn’t their sexual preference and identity up to them? If they want to call themselves “bisexual,” and they can have meaningful relationships with both sexes, aren’t they bisexual and not “gay cowards?”
I’m not trying to be flippant, nor start an arguement, just trying to understand the concept. This also points out my reluctance to put much stock in labels for people’s sexual preferences or practices - I’m a person, and my sexuality is only one aspect of my makeup.
Not that it excuses the animus, but one of the reasons that some gay people dismiss claims of bisexuality is that many of the self-described bisexuals eventually admit to being homosexual. The number of truly bisexual people I have met is relatively few compared to the number of people who claimed bisexuality on the way to becoming comfortable with their homosexuality.
Personally I don’t hold people who self-identify as bisexual in any disdain, and if claiming bisexuality helps a person “ease into” identifying as gay, well, that’s fine too. It’s far more important that each individual gets to a place where they are comfortable with themselves than it is to worry about whether that person is temporarily hiding behind a convenient label.
Well, you’re missing my whole point. I’m not talking about genuine bisexuals, who can have meaningful relationships with both sexes. I am talking about homosexuals who dishonestly claim to be bisexuals, for any of several reasons.
Jonathan Chance: I think some confusion could arise out of the multiple organizations that use rainbows to represent diversity as a whole (Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition would be an example), but the gay community rainbow flag is generally either flown outside a house or attached to some other item clarifying its purpose (words on the sticker, a pink triangle, lambda, two male/female symbols interlocked). Also, although a lot of groups use a rainbow as a symbol, the gay community doesn’t arch the colors into an actual shape.
plnnr: I think some of it comes down to our black and white society. A lot of people want solid lines separating this from that, red from orange, blue from purple… but there’s no such thing. Societies never handle gradients very well because they make boxes really difficult which makes society finding a “place” for you very difficult. Its built into gay people just as much as anybody else, which is unfortunate in the same way that racism in the gay community is unfortunate: we should know better. I also wonder, Walloon and jkusters how many honestly bisexual people stop identifying as bi not because they’ve eased into being gay but because the community has put pressure on them to do it? Could you imagine what its like to finally find a community which accepts the queer side of you and then find out that this last hope dislikes the straight side? It’d probably be very tough to stand up against both the straight and the gay.
As for myself, well… most of my GSA is composed of bifolk, so they’d kick my butt if I discriminated against them
Whilst Esprix is temporarily suspended, do we get to blow raspberrys at him in this thread?
I’ve seen people still using the hanky code on the streets in San Fransisco but it seems to be very rare. I don’t know if it is more common in clubs.
My question for anyone who might want to answer (or Esprix, when he returns) is
Are you aware of any gay people who object to straight people who might act camp, or dress in a way that may be suggestive that the straight person is trying to appear gay?
I like to dress outlandishly, and sometimes provocatively, and don’t mind if someone tries to hit on me whatever sex they are. But would worry if gay people might think I am a fake trying to hang out with the fabulous ones.
Well, Bippy, I have to say that the only time a gay person would get offended is if it was done deliberately to mock them. If you just like to dress out like Liberace then flame on, girlfriend, but if you’re doing it to “play the fag” for a night then yeah its probably gonna piss someone off. Its just like how a white guy walking down the street of a predominately black neighborhood acting like the worst gangsta rappa stereotype is probably gonna get up somebody’s nose.
![pride flags, the [url=“http://www.usd.edu/student-life/orgs/glba/gifs/triangle-pink.gif”]pink triangle](http://www.geocities.com/gillyboo_55/graphics/gay/leather-flag.gif%22leather%5B/url){kind=link}
