I suppose I’m being inconsistent, having forgotten that we’ve gone to TMI and back in this thread. FWIW, the answer is yes.
I’m going to ask this badly, so I’m just admitting that upfront. 
After your accident, when you went back to school, did you have a hard time (and/or do you still) accepting people who wanted to be your friends, if they hadn’t already been your friend before the accident?
I had a rough patch when I was in middle school - emotional trauma rather than physical, but there were quite a few kids who were “nudged” by their parents or by the teachers to “be nice to the poor girl.” However, there were also a couple of kids who were genuinely interested in me, as a person, and wanted to be friends just to be friends, and I blew them off for a long while because I was suspicious of their motives. I wondered if you had a similar experience, and if you did, how you got past that fear?
For what it’s worth, I was wondering the same thing this afternoon (while I was in the shower shaving my pits). I don’t think it’s a random fucked up question, although I was sufficiently sure of the answer that I decided I didn’t need to type it in.
Actually, in my mind, I went a little farther down the random question path - would you consider something like electrolysis to make it easier for your carers to care for you? Or do you figure that they’re used to it and there’s no need? Or would it be too risky for you to be worth considering? (The idea that you would need an epidural to survive childbirth kind of blew my mind, to be honest - and that’s coming from someone who has had 2 C-sections, with anesthesia.)
Thanks, umkay. I can only second (third, fourth, fifteenth) what everyone else has said about your awesomeness. Your candor is so refreshing, and I know we all appreciate your lack of judgment on our curiosity.
I’ve found all of your experiences of sensation really interesting, and was curious about nausea. Say you were to eat something bad that made you sick to your stomach- would you feel anything similar to queasiness? I don’t know how all the nerves work and what they connect to- would you be stimulated to throw up? Do you ever get an “I ate too much and I don’t feel so hot” feeling? Can you tell I just ate my weight at a pre-Memoria Day barcecue and am only asking because the thought of puking is pretty much at the front of my mind? 
Also, when you are shopping for clothes, do you try things on in the store, or do you pretty much know your size by now and just grab and go? Or are you like me and prefer to just buy it online and skip the whole damn process?
So, this is somewhat related: how much personal info of yours do your carers have? Do they have your password to the Dope? The bank? Your email account?
Or do you input your own passwords for things like that with your controls?
Hm. Interesting question. But I can’t say I resonate with that. I’m not sure, but I think it may have something to do with the natures of our traumas. To me, I could see how it would seem kinda glamorous to befriend the girl who had an emotional trauma that made her famous at school (which isn’t to downplay your pain, or whatever caused it–I’m just trying to put myself in the mindset of an immature junior high-er). My fave author, Dave Sedaris, writes an essay in which he describes an event at a carnival where he almost saw a girl get killed. He muses on the reality that he didn’t actually want to see her get killed, but that he was glad to have seen her almost get killed, because it made such a great story to tell later. To me, there’s an analogy there to your situation.
However (and this is just my own goofy theory), I think it’s another animal entirely to befriend the paralyzed girl who uses a mouthstick to push buttons on her calculator in trig and an attendant who feeds her in the cafeteria at lunch. :eek: There’s not a whole lot of glamour in that, IMHO. So the first people to befriend me (or the few old friends I had who stuck around), I actually had a lot of respect for them. They were the trailblazers, the people who didn’t care what other people thought, and (to me) that spoke to their good character. By junior year, I felt totally accepted, a normal sight in the halls, and the people who approached me then didn’t have to overcome any taboo, so maybe I didn’t give them as much respect just for talking to me.
Can’t emphasize enough that I’m not downplaying what you went through, or saying it wasn’t as hard as what I went through. But I think they are qualitatively different experiences. I dunno–what do you think?
FWIW, I didn’t think it was “f*cked up” (that was added in an edit by fifty-six after I had already responded). It just seemed really sexual to me, especially since I didn’t know if the asker was male or female. However, I felt called out when I was reminded that I’ve talked about orgasms (heck, I brought them up) and tons of other pretty personal stuff. I rethought my initial reaction, and realized I was being dumb. 
My best friend had laser hair removal done, oh, maybe 5 years ago. I was curious if it was an option for me, but after she had her first appointment, she told me she was pretty sure it would immediately set off my dysreflexia (i.e. it hurt pretty good). So I don’t think I could get it done.
But, I have to add: I wouldn’t ever consider a medical procedure, no matter how minor, solely to make the job of my care easier for the people I’m paying (well) to do it. I mean, I don’t go out of my way to make their lives hard, and I care that their work is as pleasant as it can be. But if they find helping me shave tiresome, they should never have applied for a job taking care of a C4 quad. KWIM?
Thanks, umkay. You rock
(FWIW, I’m male, happily married, and no particular affinity for or against wheelchair-bound ladies. Just have a warped sort of curiosity about many things in life, I guess.)
I have thrown up exactly twice post-injury. Once, after drinking too much at my high school graduation party (my parents did not sanction the drinking, but it happened), and another time a few years back, from food poisoning. Not being able to feel my stomach, I don’t experience nausea like I used to. So the first time, I had very little warning. I just started feeling really light-headed, and then puked. I had no idea I could still puke…and I was drunk…so I didn’t see it coming at all. When I got food poisoning, I definitely knew it was coming, because of the tell-tale light-headedness, and I started getting symptoms of AD, too (which went away each time I puked).
All in all, I think I’d prefer the nausea, if only as a more effective early warning system so I could holler at somebody to grab a bucket. :eek:
I go shopping, but I don’t try things on in the store–it’s kind of a production to get clothes on and off me, especially if I’m in my chair. I know my basic size, but I tailor almost every item of clothing I buy (well, the fitted stuff anyway), so a few extra inches of length or width here and there don’t matter.
[And I’ve gotta say, I’m now acutely aware of how privileged my life comes off on this thread. I don’t know what to say about that, other than I know I’m lucky and I try to do good things with what I have. My parents have always been generous and taught generosity, so it’s not all going to tailoring designer jeans, promise].
I am sorry to have steeped in. I shouldn’t have. Nor should I have thrashed the question. I thought of it recently as well. I thought the answer was already answered.
In any ones defence umkay’s answers and attentions are amazing. I am sure many of us want to ask questions even outside the scope of this thread just to hear her replies. Myself included.
I am not against sharing my grooming habbits this hovever is not the right thread for it.
No, you rock. Thanks for not holding my hypocrisy against me. 
Oh, but it bears mentioning that it’s not wheelchair-bound, my dear. Sure, a strap across my chest holds me upright in my wheelchair, but that can hardly be considered “bondage.” I use a wheelchair for my convenience; nobody wrestled me into one against my will and told me to stay here, or else. 
A better way of putting it would have been “ladies in chairs,” or “ladies who are wheelchair users.” But you couldn’t have known this, so please don’t think I’m judging you for it.
Hey umkay! What’s your favorite color?! (I don’t think this has been asked yet but please correct me if I’m wrong).
Mine is green. Specifically, emerald green. Emerald is my birthstone. Coincidence, or conspiracy?
I have another question for you. Do you vote? And if so, how does the voting procedure work for you?
My helpers have my passwords for things like The Dope and email and stuff that isn’t too sensitive. It’s convenient and these are easy to change, which I would if I ever had a disgruntled former employee (though that hasn’t happened yet, knock on wood).
But I don’t give them access to my bank or investment accounts, or pins for my cards. If we’re online, I can and will input that stuff myself. That means we can’t visit the ATM, which I can’t really use a mouthstick on, but my mom gets some cash out for me (out of MY bank account…) each week for incidentals, so this is rarely an issue. And they can sign for me using my credit card when we are out and have occasion to pay that way.
I trust my employees and I don’t treat them like thieves, but I need to maintain a level of security when these are people who practically live at my house, you know?
Well, I thought you were being quite valiant, and I appreciated you stepping in when you thought I was being exploited. We’ve worked it all out now, though, so we’re all friends again. Yay!
Nope, I don’t think anyone has asked that yet! My fave color is Martha Stewart blue.
I do vote, by absentee ballot. Never been brave enough to try my luck at accessibility at an actual polling station.
Thank you for being a TRUE AMERICAN and voting
A follow-up question (or two): Do you feel like your disability has had any effect on your political opinions? Do you have wildly different political views from your parents or siblings? Why or why not? Please answer in no less than 500 words
Also, that color looks an awful lot like Cyan, which is one of my favorite colors!
Can we just get back to saying how awsome she is?
Hah, you know, as soon as I closed the laptop after posting that, I thought, “I should’ve worded that differently. She’s not bound.” But by that point I’d been awake for about 19 hours and couldn’t bring myself to correct it. I went to sleep. But I know what you mean. Poor wording on my part.
Silly question: Do you have a plan in place for surviving the zombie apocalypse?
Wasn’t sure if I should put this in this thread or the other current umkay thread, as it deals with relationships, but I thought both umkay and others might be interested in this old thread:
Ask the Spouse of a Disabled Person
I will also point out that any questions pertaining to that topic should be in that thread (I have nothing against zombies, personally) so we can keep this one on topic. I thought it was a shame that one petered out when just page one page, but maybe folks ran out of questions.
Umkay, thank you for starting this thread. I haven’t posted until now, but I really enjoy reading this thread because I find it so educational, and I like your sense of humour (that post a few pages back where you said you didn’t want to hire a “full-time sex surrogate” had me laughing out loud. )
And that thing some other poster mentioned about how he’s glad you know the difference between “everyday” and “every day” made me happy, because every day I see that mistake being made, and it drives me nuts. I know, it’s a nitpicky thing, but anyway.
I have a question for you, umkay. Maybe it’s been asked before, and forgive me if it has, but - do you have many hobbies? What are they? Do you enjoy reading? I’m guessing from your usage of this message board that you enjoy browsing the internet.
Thanks again for starting this thread.