“High” quadriplegic is not a technical term, that I’m aware. But it’s commonly used to refer to a person who is injured at the 4th cervical vertebra or higher. (Here’s my injury level). I wish it meant that the upper body functions are operable, but it’s the opposite. The higher up the spinal column the damage to the cord is, the more body functions are affected. Makes sense, right?
LOL. 
Honestly, at my level of injury, it’s super convenient to stick to dating AB people. Is that lame? It’s not that I’ve never been attracted to anyone else in a wheelchair, but the logistics give me a headache. And dating someone who has the same level of injury as me? That’s crazytown. We’d never have any privacy and we’d have to hire some kind of sex worker to assist us in the bedroom. Maybe two. :o
My turn: Would you?
I work from home, in recruiting. I dabble with the idea of going back to school for marriage and family therapy, though. I think I’d really like that.
Your BIL should invent a great standing wheelchair. They exist but they’re awkward. It’d be nice to talk to people eye-to-eye again.
And YES I’ve seen that video and think it’s awesome! I’m not one of those gimps who daydreams all day about a “cure,” but I have a lot of hope for technical advances in the near future that will make my life easier/more fun. This one looks cool. However–I’m NOT putting a computer on top of my head. Any additional independence it would give me would not compensate for the weirdness of wearing that thing and totally alienating and disturbing everyone I meet.
Was that a joke? Cause I see what you did there. 
Yup. I’ve always been a pretty cheerful person, and that didn’t change when I got injured. I had about 6 months of self-pity and another 2 years of feeling really awkward in public. But acceptance is a beautiful word. I like my life. I’d prefer not to be paralyzed (obviously), but if the only other option is death, I’ll choose life as a quadriplegic.
My older cousin worked at a ski resort and he and my brothers and I were goofing off after hours and built a monster jump (bad idea #1) and then started using it (bad idea #2). My first attempt was timid, but I landed safely and felt like a boss. My second (and final) attempt, I went for a backflip (bad idea #3). Mid-air, it felt wrong, so I attempted to bail, and landed on my head. Oops. :rolleyes:
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[li]That my brain is injured because my body is. [/li][li]That I’m depressed about being in a chair and spend all my time thinking about how much my life sucks. [/li][li]That I will never/should never attempt to be a wife or mother, because I couldn’t do those jobs well. [/li][li]That sex isn’t enjoyable for me because I experience it differently than others do.[/li]That I don’t have goals or ambitions beyond waking up in the morning.
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That’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure there are others. 
It was hard. There’s no other word for it. I have a great family and I got all the help I needed. But there’s no way to make that kind of transition easy. I was in the middle of 8th grade when the accident happened, so my immediate concern was how much different high school was going to be than how I had imagined. In the end, it was different, but I had a good time in high school. And that’s sort of been the theme of my life from that point forward: Different, but not bad.
I will say this though–in some ways, I’m glad I was injured so young. I was too young to drive, so I didn’t lose that independence. And I still lived at home, so I didn’t have to face the humiliation of moving back in with my parents as an adult. I wasn’t married, so I didn’t divorce a guy who couldn’t handle being married to a women so radically different from the one he had met. Et cetera.
I also–and this is going to sound really weird–am sorta glad that my injury is so complete. With a full sever of the cord, there’s no hope. Well, short of a literal miracle. I see a lot of SCI folks panting after a cure so much that they forget to live their lives now. They are SURE they’re going to walk again someday, so all their time and effort (not to mention money) goes into that dream. They see the chair as a temporary thing, so why get comfortable with it or make any plans that include it? So I’m thankful I don’t have that pressure.
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I do have a job. I work from home as a recruiter, but someday I’d like to be a therapist.
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I finished high school and college.
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Ohdearmaude–please do NOT kneel to talk to me. For precisely the reason you mentioned: that’s something you do with small children. You can talk to me just like you’d talk to a person sitting in any chair. I’m used to looking up to have conversations; it’s not weird or uncomfortable for me.
And if you just met me and you offer your hand for a handshake before realizing I can’t shake your hand, just let your hand drop and don’t mention it (happens all the time and the awkward factor balloons when you try to explain yourself/make a joke/stammer an unnecessary apology).
I mentioned some really offensive stuff in another post, but I thought I’d say here that I’m not offended when people use common colloquial or figurative expressions that would imply that I am able-bodied. Such as “Let’s go for a walk,” “Lend a helping hand,” “Get a leg up on him,” or “I’ve gotta hand it to you” et al. And if you’re describing a NASCAR event you went to and the “breakneck” speeds the cars flew by at, I probably won’t even notice the word until you get a blushy and weird. So just don’t.
What sized town do you live in? Do you like your location? Do you ever think it would be easier/harder living somewhere else (assuming your family was around)?
No, that’s not lame at all. I understand that totally. The real-world difficulties that would be ever-present with two wheelchair-users being involved in a romantic relationship are nothing to brush off. I guess my question is, if you found yourself really attracted to someone who used a chair, and found that you liked everything about them, would the fact that they too were paralzyed and using a wheelchair cause you to not pursue that person for a potential relationship?
As far as me; while I’ve never actually dated another ‘wheeler’ myself, I’d like to like that if the right situation presented itself, I’d be open to it. I’ve found that this is a “hot-button” topic among other wheelchair users, at least the ones I’ve had contact with online and in other places.
How about that you are “reproductively challenged”?
Does your chair tilt back every so often? I’ve seen folks with chairs like that and never understood the reason for it (beyond my layman’s conclusion that it must be necessary to swab your juices around every once in a while . . . or something).
Also, if I may violate the format a bit and offer a humble suggestion (which I’m sure you’ve already considered, but thought I would throw it out there): reading about the issues with first dates got me thinking that dinner at your place may be a good first date option.
My mind immediately starting coming up with solutions to the computer on head problem. One would be incorporating it into some more conventional looking headgear. like a hat or even big hair. The other is very cyberpunk, having a small plug (possibly concealable in the hair) to which a cord is atttached when needed. How would you feel about either of those? I could see this kind of brain interface thingy having all sorts of applications leading to it becoming more commonplace and all kinds of design solutions coming up.
What do you recruit for? It’s awesome that you work. I hope it’s not offensive to say that. But, I didn’t expect it. I know a couple of people who are legally considered totally disabled (but not nearly as disabled as a quadriplegic) who don’t work, don’t want to work, and just collect social security (maybe because they got disabled later in life? I don’t know). Are you ever mad, angry, or resentful because of your disability? How did you take tests in school?
This one is kinda personal and you can ignore it if you like, but if you have no sensation below the neck, how can you have orgasms?
Ha! Glad to hear that you so indeed have a sense of humor about figures of speech. After all, if I said that someone “flew through a red light” you wouldn’t assume that he could fly.
Thanks also for not being offended at the curiosity of folks who can barely imagine your lifestyle.
Another question: how much privacy do you get most days? How do you eat in restaurants, and is that an enjoyable activity?
Thanks again. You are super cool. And I am totally stealing “ohdearmaude”.
Therapist as in psychotherapist? I am a psychologist and used to work with SCI patients. At one rehab center, we had a chaplain who used a power chair due it spinal bifida, and at another, our physician had a C7 injury. They had a tremendous impact on our patients, most of whom were very recently injured. Of course, you wouldn’t be limited to working with others with SCI or disabilities, but man, you could change some people’s lives just by showing up.
I love my profession, and if you want to talk about it, feel free to pm me. If phone is easier, I will send you my number.
How does it make you feel when you hear about able-bodied people being depressed about their lives? Do you ever think, “Must be nice to be able to walk AND whine”?
Does your sensation and/or awareness of hunger differ from before your injury? How so?
If you don’t mind, what do you feel when you have an orgasm? When I have one, much of what I feel is below the neck. There’s definitely a component that’s above the neck, but it’s really hard to separate it from the rest of the experience.
I can’t use my arms, so yeah–somebody’s gotta help me get food to my mouth or I die.
I have assistants who help me with this on a day-to-day basis. But if there’s anything that kills the mood on a date more than my wheelchair, it’s my paid attendant being along for the ride. So I don’t bring them along on romantic excursions. If the dude is going to have a hard time helping me eat, he is really not someone I should be dating anyway, KWIM?