Must you give away all my secrets?
So you never have typos then do you? If you speak you words rather than type them and you have software that takes your spoken words and translates them into written text, you never have to worry about misspellings or typos do you? How much does this software do?
Some of us have learned to pop our ears/equalize pressure without either coughing or nose pinching. I think this might be handy for you to learn as the muscles involved are all above the neck.
This is an old thread about it, and it references other threads. There seem to be multiple ways in which to learn/do this.
May I turn this totally back around into page 1 uber-TMI area? If so:
You mentioned *waaayy *back in this thread that you enjoy giving head to guys because you can participate more in that way, which I can totally 100% understand. So, ah, woman to woman … is there some way for you to tap out or something?
In other words, I’m going down on a guy, and I need to breathe and/or swallow and/or take a moment’s breath-break: if mumbling “gggrrmmph!!!” and pulling my skull back around it isn’t enough, I can “tap out” on his hips like a wrestler (“tap” can mean quite the slap, here, if I’m really hurting for oxygen!) so how do you communicate with dudes, in situations like this?
Do they just need to be more mindful and/or pull back out every so often to check back in with you?
You are, my dear, welcome to tell me that this is waaaaay too perv-y a question to ask. This line of curiosity has in no way anything to do with recent event at the Shoe Household. Various legal disclaimers go here. All rights reserved. Etc.
Hey, I’ve seen that video! I had to watch it with my boss, which may be even worse. I still remember the couple where they both had paraplegia.
Not so fast–I don’t “type” the wrong word and my software doesn’t misspell things, but sometimes it “hears” the wrong word. Over the years, I’ve dialed it in pretty good, but in a long post, I’ll average about 8-10 misheard words. So I always have to go back and edit. I’m a freaky good speller, but sometimes when I’m inputting a word manually, I’ll brain fart and spell it wrong.
And keep in mind that I’m not always using voice software, and helping hands do at times make typos that I don’t catch. So I do in fact occasionally get both typos and misspellings.
If you wanna see a video of the software in action, click here.
Not so fast–I don’t “type” the wrong word and my software doesn’t misspell things, but sometimes it “hears” the wrong word. Over the years, I’ve dialed it in pretty good, but in a long post, I’ll average about 8-10 misheard words. So I always have to go back and edit. I’m a freaky good speller, but sometimes when I’m inputting a word manually, I’ll brain fart and spell it wrong.
And keep in mind that I’m not always using voice software, and helping hands do at times make typos that I don’t catch. So I do in fact occasionally get both typos and misspellings.
If you wanna see a video of the software in action, click he.
LOL, what a funny moment for my computer to fritz. Had to post and restart, and missed the edit window.
Anyway, the video is here.
Oh, I can do that! I didn’t realize it was any kind of special skill. Sometimes it happens when I yawn, too. It doesn’t always work, though, thus the nose trick on airplanes.
Wait – did you mean him, or me? 
LOL. It’s cool. I don’t think I have any grounds on which to refuse to answer this question, considering what I’ve already responded to (and the fact that it was something I offered that sparked it). Plus, I have a zippy little mental image of what may-or-may-not have happened at your house running through my head now. 
The way I’ve usually done it is to have my partner shift me onto my side. Then he lies down beside me, facing me, but up a ways, with his, um, member, near my mouth. I have enough movement in my neck that I can freely do my thing in this position and, if need be, pull off for a break.
I’ve never had a problem with this set-up, or a partner getting so caught up that he hurt me. If anything, the norm is partners who are overly-concerned that they’re hurting/suffocating me. If this is the beginning of our sexual relationship, they will stop repeatedly and ask if everything’s cool. Which I appreciate to a certain extent, but it means we have to start over multiple times, which is annoying.
Him, silly. Unless your parents weren’t married when you were born? Then I guess it would apply to both of you (though pejoratively in his case, and factually in yours). 
OMG! Do you have a copy? You’ve got to YouTube it!
umkay, thank you. What a wonderful thread. It is my favorite thread ever, for so many reasons. Mostly you, who I have a huge crush on. On whom I have a huge crush, heh. For one of many things, like others have said, you just have this way of putting words on the screen. Like “that little pageant” to refer to the no-accessible-parking-spots conundrum.
Of course, I appreciate so much the time you have taken to answer all of these questions. I love your brilliant, at times hilarious, and yet gentle manner of fighting ignorance. It is to be much admired.
Also, I don’t care that I sound star-struck. 
And so now I will admit this: I have been working a lot the last couple days, and I haven’t been able to read this thread. I actually thought, today: “I miss umkay.” As if we know each other or something…
I have two – not really questions, but more like thoughts. I think that one of them is so unrealistic and silly that it’s not really a question. Except that then I keep thinking, “But it *could *work! Couldn’t it?” And you can ignore this as TMI, of course. But…you know how you lament the fact that you can’t take care of the big O yourself? Is there any way in the world there could be some sort of remote control vibrator that you could control with your chin, the same way that you turn on the lights when you’re lying in bed??? Why couldn’t some geeky person (NOT brother Air Force test pilot of course! Someone you hire who doesn’t know you!) invent or make a vibrator for you that comes out of some hidden compartment in your bed on some crazy arm and goes oooooover the bed, and then drops down, and then you guide it to the right place with your chin? I guess there would have to be a mirror involved too so you would know it’s on the right place, right? OK so that’s like a ridiculous question. But theoretically, that could work, right?
Other question. I am wondering this because I wonder if it would make certain situations easier/less annoying for you and NOT for any “advocacy” reason. What if, say, you had a very condensed, extremely sanitized version of certain portions of this thread printed out in some format and you could just hand it to someone who you believe is a person of goodwill but to whom you don’t feel like explaining a whole bunch of things to yet again? I guess I’m thinking of someone who you will need to be interacting with for some sort of customer service reason or other. Or what if (did someone already say this? now it’s sounding familiar to me) – an effort were made to give such a little primer to all of the airline employees who would be on shift the day you were flying. (Again, not for them - for YOU. To make your life less difficult.) In some cases maybe it would be like pearls before swine and they wouldn’t deserve it. But I wonder if it would ever be something that could transform an awkward/annoying situation into something much better. I dunno.
Those are more like stream of consciousness thoughts. You can ignore. You can just like write a smiley or something.
P.S. I’m female and just noting that because I think maybe the question about the robotic invention seems less skeevy coming from a woman.
umkay, let me add my voice to the many thanking you for opening yourself up (no holds barred, even) for questions in this thread. You have provided some precious insight into a world very foreign to most people and I truly appreciate the opportunity for a little peek into the life you lead. Or maybe not so little a peek at times. :eek:
A couple of questions (probably mixed with some semi-random musings as well).
Have you ever run into a situation where one of your caregivers has had a conflict in their dual roles of medical professional and as your hands? You mentioned a ways back in this thread that if one of them refused (or seriously suggested that you didn’t need) that second bowl of ice cream that they would be rapidly receiving a pink-slip. And quite correctly, too, given that you are an adult who gets to make her own choices about her life. But I can also see where there might be the potential for some conflict there as well. What about, instead of your second ice cream, your sixth drink? Or your tenth? You mentioned that you will often push the amount of time that you spend in your chair considerably past the time recommended by your doctors. Will they get the hairy eyeball for pointing it out to you? Or just if they get pushy about it? At what point, if any, are they ethically obligated to balk or speak up? I’m guessing that a lot of this is theoretical only, since you obviously have a lot more than they do at stake regarding your own well-being and are unlikely to ask them to do something that will put you in immediate danger, but I still wonder. Part of the reason that this has occurred to me (here’s where the musings come in) is that I’m a firm believer that adults have the right to make their own mistakes, up to and including physically dangerous ones - but in your case, unless it’s something that you can do with one of your automated tools, you don’t have the physical ability to do so. You have to rely on someone else to (physically) “make your mistakes” for you. That made me stop and think. And wonder just where the line is between allowing someone to make what you perceive to be mistakes and actively facilitating them and on whose shoulders the responsibility would and should fall should you do so. Which got me to thinking about the ethics of their profession. Which, in turn, brought me to that question. Maybe I’m just weird that way. I hope that this all makes some sort of sense to you and that I haven’t made any offensive assumptions along the rambling path I just went down.
On a completely separate issue, how do you feel about being approached by children with questions? We have two young girls. If they saw you in public, there’s a reasonable chance that they might want to go and talk to you (after asking us if they could do so). Now there’s probably about as good a chance that they would approach you to tell you that you’re pretty, or to comment on your fingernail polish or some girly accessory that you might be wearing, but they might also want to ask you a question that we might not be able to answer (such as some detail about how your chair works). As a general rule, we usually allow them to (politely, in our company, not interrupting, etc.) talk to strangers and we wouldn’t want to give them the impression that you are off limits and taboo because of your “situation” OTOH, we don’t want to give YOU the impression that you’re our special learning project for the night. You’re a person, not a project and it’s our job to teach our kids, not yours. Standard disclaimer about how I know that you can only speak for yourself but your thoughts on the matter would still be helpful.
You’ve mentioned that as far as you know, you can have kids, provided that the labor doesn’t kill you via AD. Are you interested in doing so? (not a proposition. 
) Is the physical risk worth it to you? or would you rather adopt/use a surrogate? Do you even want kids? What about after the hypothetical kids are born? Would you be willing to add the burden of being a mother to your already difficult life? Would the added help that you’d probably have to hire be an issue? (we know your family has the funds to care well for you, but there’s got to be a breaking point somewhere, and a 24/7 nanny can’t be cheap.) Or would the necessity of taking a less active role in the child rearing than most moms make you want to skip the whole thing?
Just a comment from the peanut gallery: Once your kids get to a certain age (potty trained), a lot of the work you do as a mom is mental, not physical. I, for one, spend a lot of time answering questions about the world, helping with homework, etc.
These items require:
- Intelligence
- Ability to ‘think on one’s feet’
- Creativity
umkay obviously has these skills. I would be thankful to have her as a mom.
The family would probably need additional outside help but it would be for her (and her partner should she decide to have one) to decide how much help they need and how to divide the responsibilities.
In no way did I mean to imply otherwise. I tried hard to find a way to phrase my question so that it wouldn’t. Perhaps I failed. I don’t think that a quadraplegic mom is any less of a mom or any “worse” of a mom, but there are physical aspects to being a mom, especially at the beginning, as you said. (but even later: spotting a kid on the monkey bars, tending to a scraped knee, chasing a toddler who runs into the parking lot, cleaning up a middle of the night vomit in bed, etc.)
Obviously there are adaptations that would have to be made, the same way there is for using a computer, driving, skydiving etc. umkay has shown her willingness to use those adaptations if it means doing something she otherwise couldn’t experience. I’m just wondering if that extends to child-rearing. (Especially since she’s already said she wouldn’t want a dog of her own because it would be adding burden to her carers, IIRC. Her carers aren’t nannies, of course, so in this case it would be her baby-daddy or additional helpers specific for the child that would be taking up that burden.) In some ways, I could see it as an extension of that thought: why not have that rewarding experience, even if requires some extra planning? (see also scuba diving). But on the other hand, child-rearing isn’t for a few hours, it’s for life (or at least 18 years. ), and you can’t easily decide to back out if it turns out to be too hard. (That last bit isn’t really specific to quadraplegics either.)
Of course the point is all moot if she doesn’t even want kids.
Which is why I asked.
No, you don’t cough. At least I don’t. I pinch my nose shut and forcefully exhale. I’m sure someone can pinch your nose for you. My worry is that if you can’t cough, maybe you can’t generate sufficient pressure to equalize. But then, I might generate more pressure than most because of my problem pressurizing my right ear. This is hard for a guy to admit, but, um, I apparently have an unnaturally small Eustachian tube. (I’ve only gone a few times, and bled quite disgustingly from nose until my subconscious realized that pinching harder and harder wouldn’t help. I just need to be patient.)
If not, like you said, there must be something that can be done. Perhaps a variant of the Heimlich maneuver. Or, perhaps, you just hang out above 40 feet. I’ve spent more time there than most, and trust me, there’s lots to see there, too. (And the full floaty feeling.
I am so flattered. 
Girlfriend, you don’t think I’ve thought about this a million times?? LOL. It’s frustrating not being able to masturbate, but I can’t fathom what a strange robotic system of levers and pulleys and wires and switches would allow me to do so. Undoubtedly, I’d have to have someone set the thing up for me each time, or at least occasionally tweak something or perform some maintenance on it. And that just sounds really awkward to me. I know it probably sounds weird to all you out there who aren’t routinely dressed and bathed by another person; what’s the difference, right? But I cannot emphasize enough how much my care is NOT sexual. At all. So asking my caregiver to set up a sex toy for me? Yeah, not gonna happen. Now, who’s to say my future husband won’t be geeky and into it? That opens up some possibilities, for sure.
Also, though I definitely, definitely love orgasms, I get the sense in talking to my AB girlfriends that I’m not quite as obsessed with them as they are. Maybe if the lovely feeling in my head were replicated throughout my body, like it is in AB women, I would be slavering after them, too. Anyway, they’re not a sure thing; even under the perfect circumstances, I probably have only a 30% hit rate. So, I sure enjoy them, but I think I’m maybe half as horny for them as AB women are. Oh, yeah, and have I mentioned that I sometimes get AD when I orgasm? So it’s not all fun and games.
What would you suggest I include in this pamphlet? What are the major bullet points? I’m interested in hearing what you think the average person should know.