Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair

In My Humble Opinion
741

Yes,now we’re talking. I don’t mind making an ass of myself, but I also like learning in multiple ways, and I really like learning about ways of living and being that are different from mine. In the last few years I’ve been doing a lot of corporate diversity work and I really like it. At first it was more from a sense of duty and obligation, but what actually happened was I started to make more and more friends and have more and more fun. At this point it is more a treat to myself than anything else, a question of how much of it I can get away with and still keep my day job on track. I do some things with ethnicity and gender but have been doing more with LGBT issues and people than any other single area. As far as making an ass of myself goes, fortunately I am way less inhibited by the possibility of embarrassment now than I used to be.

But still, just because somebody has some big difference relative to me doesn’t mean they’re motivated to be my coach and teacher about it. Finding out about the things one can read in pamphlets is good all the way around.

A few years ago I didn’t have any friends who were Black or Hispanic. I hadn’t avoided it but it hadn’t happened. It doesn’t necessarily work to go out looking for somebody to be a Black of Hispanic friend, it’s just weird. Somehow it starts happening and I like it. Well, today, I don’t happen to have any disabled friends. OK, one man who lost a leg mid thigh, but he goes down stairs faster than I do. I don’t feel used to disabled people and don’t have casual exposure to their experiences and issues like I do with many other demographics, though I think i would like to. I dont see becoming a devote just for curiosity’s sake. But I would certainly like to learn more. If you write a suitable pamphlet I will buy some, but in any case I certainly am enjoying your thread.

What are you enjoying about writing it?

Is there anything you’d care to share tht you have been hoping somebody would ask?

742

Wanted to clarify a little about the “pamphlet,” which I did bring up, but I didn’t call it a pamphlet - I called it a highly-sanitized excerpt from this thread. But what I was talking about – and I did say this – was that I was not thinking about it from any “advocacy” standpoint nor to help others - but to make umkay’s life easier perhaps in certain customer service situations (like giving it ahead of time to the persons who are going to be working the day she flpies so they can not act quite as asinine-ly). Even when I raised it I admitted I couldn’t think exactly how it would work, but I now guess there’s not really a good way for it to work. My thought was that the readers of this thread have perhaps been transformed into people who would probably not do any of the things that are annoying to **umkay **(and not necessarily to all people who use wheelchairs, because of course **umkay **is just one person and can only speak for herself) and that if the people who were going to be working the day **umkay **flies also had a chance to read it first, maybe she wouldn’t hate flying as much. But…the logistics are a little strange. How would you present such a thing? Also, it of course could not be an excerpt from this thread because if anyone ever decided to search on the internet for the content (perhaps unlikely, I don’t know), they would immediately find this thread. Which could be embarrassing if **umkay **were to see them again. I dunno…anyway, wanted to clarify that I did not mean it for a “public service” for others. And I’m not saying that to criticize anyone who has suggested it for that reason…just clarifying.

743

In other words, you were thinking out loud and not necessarily having a complete and coherent thought?

744

Just so you know, that has nothing to do with whether you’re a man or woman (which I don’t think you’ve mentioned). I consider “dude” a gender-neutral word. :wink:

745

Yeah, me too. An awesome, paralysis-curing, MS-banishing wizard. :slight_smile:

746

I applaud you for that. That’s such a great quality. I should probably take a cue from you on that.

I’ve really enjoyed the interactions I’ve had with people. There are quite a few regular contributors to this thread that I am crushing on now. :smiley: It’s been a fun way to join the board.

I didn’t really have an agenda when I started this thread. People have asked all of the questions I expected (how I got hurt, how I go to the bathroom, where my sensation begins/ends, etc) and so many I never could have expected (what a zombie version of me would be like, if I’d prefer robot attendants, what the upside of my paralysis is, etc).

I honestly can’t think of anything that people haven’t asked. I’d be surprised if this thread continued too much longer, which is fine by me. I mean, I’ve enjoyed it and I’ll continue answering questions if people have 'em, but I kinda wonder what else could possibly be that interesting about me? :dubious:

747

I have a TMI question: How dangerous would it be if you got constipated? IOW, if you bowel program didn’t produce a sufficient BM?

748

This is most cool of you. I am a dude of the man type. I have a beard and very short hair and am pretty fuzzy looking, yet get mistaken for a woman fairly often by people who don’t know me and are trying to find me by name (e.g. somebody calling for me in a waiting room). My name is fairly uncommon but in print it’s easily mistaken for a very common woman’s name. I don’t mind in the slightest and am always amazed at the apologies people are trained to give after mistaking a gender. Feel free to make my mental picture androgynous again if you like. Or whatever feels right.

I picture you looking like that very pretty young movie star (or whatever she was) whose picture you linked to. Which I guess was the point. “Dude” wasn’t on the tip of my tongue.

749

Thank you, this is a kind observation and I appreciate it. But you should realize I am having more fun this way. Learning about ways of living and being that are exactly the same as mine is not nearly as nifty. I mean, I already HAVE mirrors!

750

What are you going to write about next?

What are some jokes about AB people?

What things can you do that AB people can’t?

What’s the most surprising thing about life?

What do you most want to be different that has nothing to do with disability?

Can you put into words how you approach people in your writing, such that you are so engaging and pleasant and yet to the point and economical? I bear in mind that you did refer to thinking about what you want to say as a means of typing less (I think), but other people think about what they want to say and still make a mess of it, so surely there’s more.

What do you think about techies (I am presuming that your recruiting work puts you in direct contact with them, which might not be correct)?

What do you think about being wealthy? This is a presumptuous question too. It seems pretty clear you are wealthier than me or anybody I talk fairly openly with, so it’s a question I’ve never asked.

What questions are you tempted to ask the participants in this thread about themselves?

751

I had not considered that. Fair enough, then.

752

If we could just find the right magic words…

753

Rockets are under the chair between the tracks.

754

Someone else pointed out “Push Girls” on Sundance. A woman at the grocery store asked me about the other day. I had not heard of it before then, but I looked it up, and watched it on Hulu. Here is the series, where you can watch the first episode.

I liked it. I don’t really like or watch most reality programs, but since I can relate to it, I wanted to see it. I will keep watching to see if the show is honest about SCI. It’s interesting to see how other people do things. For example, one woman showers by sitting in the tub. I have done that before when at a friend’s house, and a bench was not available, but usually I use a plastic bench.

Some of the women haven’t said their level of injury, so it’s hard to compare my injury to theirs. umkay, if you haven’t watched it, there is a quad. She has some use of her arms, but still needs nursing care.

Another paralysis-in-pop-culture moment for me was in “Avatar”. I didn’t know of Sam Worthington before I saw the movie, and briefly wondered if he was paralyzed, because of a scene where he is in his wheelchair, in shorts, and his atrophied legs are shown (CGI can do anything!).

Like doctors and nurses who can’t watch hospital dramas, my suspension of disbelief ended when Worthington transferred (moved from the avatar plug-in chamber to his wheelchair), and didn’t move his legs to the wheelchair first. I was trained differently in therapy, but I think his way would be more difficult, and unlikely. That’s part of what I like about “Push Girls” so far. It’s interesting to see what other people do to get through their day.

755

I have a few more questions!

I’m actually more curious about the whole “hiring carers” thing.

To begin with, I’m totally ignorant about nursing care or anything like that, so if anything is flamingly insulting or inappropriate, mea culpa - it wasn’t on purpose.

So, in no order at all:

How often do you have to hire a new carer? Do they “burn out” of the job altogether? or feel the need to move on to a different person after a while? or do they work for you as long as they’re physically capable and still living in the same place?

What is the process for hiring a carer? What are the qualifications they have to have in order to be hirable? Do you do drug screenings for them? Google or FB-check them? Are there lists of people who want to be carers somewhere, or do you post a job listing and they answer with resumes? What type of references do you look for? (“Here are glowing references from the last three quads that I looked after, and they all think I am the bomb, unfortunately none of them have speech-to-text software, so they totally had me transcribe my own reference - *they *think I’m great, honest!!”)

What do you look for in a carer? Are you mostly looking for medical track records, or do you spend time trying to make sure that she doesn’t have BO or an annoying laugh or a bad habit of picking at her fingernails or totally horrible taste in music? Do you have a different job description for each shift that you try to hire for? Do you hire for a specific shift, or do the carers rotate around so one poor schmuck isn’t always stuck with the 3 am shift?

How do you do the actual picking? Do you do a “test run” with an already-hired carer hovering about in the background making sure the potential carer doesn’t screw up? Do you try and “test” them by asking for something weird and seeing if they flip out? Have you ever had a potential carer “dump” you during the hiring process for your care being too difficult a job or you not being a good personality fit for them?

Do you consider it a bad or good thing when they’re around for a long time and get comfortable with you? (or does that even happen?) Or, do you think that after a period of time the standard of care slips a bit? Have you ever had one get “uppity” and need to be fired because she wasn’t being professional? If so, do you just fire them, or do you report them to somewhere so other people know? What about if they repeatedly made a medical mistake? (or does that even happen?) Do you do periodic or scheduled evaluations or progress reports or official “status of your job and your performance” meetings with them?

Do you take their likes and dislikes into consideration for minor things or stuff you don’t feel strongly about? (“Oh umkay, please wear the purple top today - you know I think it looks so good on you!” “Hey, umkay, can we go to Banana Republic instead of the Gap? I think BR has a sale on today!”) Or is that something that would never ever in a million years happen?

When they’re on shift working with/for you, do you chat with them about stuff? Or do you try to keep yourself sufficiently busy that you don’t have time to just talk about random stuff? (Or are you sufficiently busy without really trying to be, that random small-talk doesn’t happen much?) If you do chat, do you consciously try and keep the conversation on a casual level, or do you mind if they tell you about their loved ones and pets and religious beliefs or politics or their soapboxes or whatnot?
I thought of all of this because I work in a very small office with three other women (and one long-suffering guy) and I’m the boss. With the one full-time person I don’t purposefully try and keep the conversation as light, but with my part timers, I do find that I get uncomfortable if they try to tell me too much about themselves and their lives. I think it’s because I’m so young (they’re all older than me), and because our office is SOO casual to begin with - the formality and relative “distance” that I create with keeping the conversations purposefully on the superficial side seems to help me keep them at the necessary arms-length for business purposes so I can treat them like employees instead of friends.

I can see that being a really difficult line to create/maintain with the enforced closeness between you and your carers, so I was very curious about that set of relationships and what you do or don’t do to help yourself stay safe and be professional towards them, and keep them being professional towards you, without anyone feeling like a killjoy. If any of that made sense at all, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

756

That was really cool, I’ll definitely watch that now. Four hot girls in wheelchairs is premise enough for me.

757

I just watched the first episode of Push Girls. I hope Angela Rockwood makes her modeling comeback. That girl is beautiful and has so much spark. I had a minor crush on Thuy Trang (the Yellow Ranger, of course) when I was a kid, so when she died I was a squee sad. (She was with Angela in that car accident.)

I was kind of bummed throughout the show. The girls aren’t all well-off, but they do better than a lot of disabled people I’ve worked with. One of the girls said in the beginning that they aren’t going to sit at home in baggy sweatpants.

umkay, if you watch it, I’d like to hear your review.

758

Umkay
Have you ever allowed someone to take nekid pics of you

Dirty Minds want to know

759

Inappropriate. You need to stop this.

760

I’m watching this now, and it’s pretty interesting. The modelling agency phone call: “So you’re not wheelchair accessible?” “Yes, we’re wheelchair accessible, just, there’s a staircase”. :smack:

Angela (the woman who was a model) reminds me of a fellow I worked with a few years back. He had control of his arms / shoulders, but his hands were impaired in what would seem to be a similar manner. I remember he had a special holder that he used for pens when he needed to write something (it was sort of a rounded vee shape, with a clip for the pen - he wrapped his hand around the vee shape). IIRC, Angela said something about being a C5 complete.