Ask The Gora Sikh

Not too many folks know what Sikhism is. It isn’t a proselytizing religion, so you won’t find Sikhs walking door-to-door handing you Guru Nanak pamphlets. It is one of the main religions in the Punjab region of India, so there are strong ties between being ethnic Punjabi and being a Sikh. Sikh men wear turbans, so they are often mistaken for Muslims, sometimes to the point of being shot to death (cf. Balbir Singh Sodhi).

As for me, “gora” means a white westerner so technically I’m one of those rather rare Sikh converts that aren’t 3HO. 3HO is the largest non-Punjabi Sikh group in America, and they are a very tight-knit community. Also, I’m a lesbian and in a committed relationship, a musician, math student and a lot of other stupid little things.

Questions? Shoot away.

I’ve never seen a Sikh woman, I mean I suppose I have but they aren’t as obvious as the men I would assume. What kind of rules on apperance are there for Sikh women?

Do you also have to carry the 5 items? I forget what they are, aside from the fact that they all start with a K.

How does one go about converting to Sikhism (not meaning how do you discover the religion but rather, is there a process/ceremony/classes etc)?

This may sound bad but as an Agnostic, I was wondering why you felt the need for an organized religion?

I took that test and it rated me Secular Humanist and that seems about right. I was baptized Roman Catholic but find organized churches illogical.

As I don’t know about your particular religion, can you explain some of the basic beliefs?

Jim

What do Indian Sikhs think of you?

Why Sikhism?

From another thread:

Sikh history, in a nutshell: Was founded in 1499 by Guru Nanak Dev, a Punjabi who was raised Hindu but had many close Muslim friends, including his boss. He loved meditating with the Hindu yogis and singing at night with his Muslim pals. One day he goes off for his morning bath in the river, and goes missing for three days. He’s feared drowned, but he comes back, says nothing for 24 hours, and his first words were “there is no such thing as Hindu or [Muslim]” Sikhism’s religious side is based on Guru Nanak’s writings and his influences, which include the Sufi poet Kabir. He spent 20 years traveling with his companion, a Muslim musician, talking about the Quran, Vedas and his insights into God. When he died, he passed on his guruship. There were ten live gurus since then. The last was the great soldier-saint Guru Gobind Singh, and he proclaimed the by then compiled writings of the Gurus as the next guru-- the Sri Guru Granth Sahib.

The Sikh believe that there is one God, and that all paths that lead to God are equally valid-- there is no “one true path.” In the Granth, it is explicitly written that all people are equal, including men and women, and all are worthy to serve in the Gurdwara (Sikh temple). There are no priests, gurus or bishops. There are learned people who are respected, and there is a “temporal” authority of the Khalsa (the Khalsa are the “official” Sikhs, kind of like baptized Catholics are “official” Catholics), but no one can proclaim anything as right or wrong unless it is explicitly stated in the Granth.

I’m a Sikh because the beauty of their poetry comforted me in an incredible way during a horrible time in my life, and continues to do so. I’m a UU because Sikhs are required to be a part of a Sangat (group of spiritual people) and to do charity work, and rather than tangle with the politics of a gurdwara, and because I’m a lesbian, I chose to practice my volunteer service (known as Seva) through a UU fellowship. Plus “Sikh” means “Student” in the Punjabi language, and they take that seriously. Sikhs are not dogmatists. They respect science, logic, the human experience and critical thinking, and UUs are great places to learn about different religions (I get the other stuff at my unversity. :slight_smile: )

This is getting too long. More questions welcome.

I frequently see men in turbans (I assume Sikh) walking many paces ahead of their women folk. Why is this? I never see them interact the way western couples do.

Also, do they have a hard time with you being gay?

I have heard that Sikhs are not supposed to cut their hair, is that true? I can’t imagine it is, unless you keep getting bigger turbans over time. I have also heard that the turban isn’t supposed to come off other than for bathing, is it worn to bed? Who are the Sikh extremists fighting against?

Ooooh! Lots of great questions.

Punjabi women usually don’t wear turbans. 3H0 women do, though, but their communities are mainly in Phoenix and New Mexico. They do have to keep their hair uncut to be Sikh. If you see a South Asian woman with long hair, look for her kara (see next question).

[QUOTE=BurnMeUp]
Do you also have to carry the 5 items? I forget what they are, aside from the fact that they all start with a K.

[QUOTE]

The 5K’s or 5 Kakkars:

Kirpan, a type of Punjabi knife. Usually worn under the clothes, although I just stick mine in my pocket. The symbolism is you keep your Kirpan with you always so you can fight for anyone who is under attack. It is also a reminder of volunteer service and to only shed blood as an absolute last reward.

Kesh, uncut hair. Men (and some women) wear turbans to cover their hair and keep it clean. It symbolizes the connection to other Sikhs. A lot of younger Sikhs are now at least trimming their beards and sometimes even cutting their hair to both keep from being mistaken as Muslim and to make a good impression at work.

Kara, a steel ring on the right or left wrist. Some are now gold, but that’s considered kind of gauche among traditionalists. Symbolizes your connection to Waheguru (God).

Kanga: a small comb tucked into your turban, or carried in your pocket or on your Kirpan. Symbolizes cleanliness.

Kacha: Basically cotton boxer shorts. Symbolizes chastity.

I always wear my 5K’s, although I didn’t take my Kirpan with me to Hawaii because of airline security. I need to go fetch it.

All you need to be a Sikh is to declare your faith in the One God (who is everyone’s God, or creative spirit, or the symbol of the unity of the collective gods, yadda yadda) and to believe that the words of the 10 living Gurus and the Shri Guru Granth Sahib were divinely inspired. That’s it. Now you’re a Sikh.

If you want to be a Khalsa Sikh, and most Sikhs consider this a requirement, you must go through a baptism-type ceremony known as “Amrit.” 5 people from your Gurdwara are chosen to mix and serve you a bowl of sugar water. You partake, and then you offer it to the 5 to partake, one by one. This was the ceremony Guru Gobind Singh did to establish the Khalsa-- basically, those sworn to defend Sikhs and the oppressed to their death. What is interesting is that he baptized the five, and then had the five baptize him as a symbol that there is no Sikh that can hold spiritual rank over another.

Um, long ugly story, I may have posted it here somewhere (I’ll search). In summary: Two years ago I had a quasi-affair during my then moribund long-term relationship. Now, I love my partner dearly, but this person was incredibly compelling. It really plunged me into a cycle of depression, incredible self-loathing and eventually into a screaming suicide fit. But even after everone forgave me, I could NOT forgive myself. I just couldn’t. But one night I was reading the Granth Sahib and I felt something like a warm hand on my back-- very faint, but very much there. And I felt this sense of overwhelming unconditional love and forgiveness, and the thought crossed my head “if the originator of this feeling can forgive me, then I certainly can forgive myself…”

You know, if you find a good doctor that can cure you, you keep going to that doctor. If you find a good teacher that you click with and can learn anything from, you go to that teacher. When you find peace in your heart and soul that you never knew existed before (mind you, I was agnostic myself) you go back to it. It’s such a personal thing for everybody. One of the Sikh teachings is that all of us have our own paths to follow, and we have the right to follow it, so I don’t try to convince anyone of the existence of God or even what I felt in particular. It’s a bit like immediately being able to see ultraviolet and trying to explain it to another person. It’s all so incredibly subjective.

Every last one of them has been shocked that I even know what Sikhism is, and then we have great conversations about the religion, gurdwaras and how they feel about Punjabi politics. Talk about an icebreaker.

My favorite was the Sikh salesman at a leather booth during the SF LGBT Pride festival. He was hot, busy and cranky, but when I said “Sat Sri Akal!” and showed him my kara he lit up with the most beautiful smile. Then he gave me a pen. That was a really cool moment of community convergence for me.

(btw, I think the other questions are covered above…)

Where do you live? Not precisely, just generally. Is there a big Sikh community? Do you participate?

how do you find the local community? I miss going to Gurdvara - I am not Sikh, but they speak my language there (Punjabi) and it’s more familiar than going to the predominantly S. Indian temple around here.

Men and women are explicitly equal under the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. Punjabi culture, not so much. A good friend told me never to confuse the two, or it’ll be discouraging.

Nope. There’s a variety of opinions of course. Usually Sikhs that live in the West don’t have a problem with it at all. More “traditional” Sikhs have a lot of misconceptions, but we talk, debate, find common ground. Never, NEVER have I had a Sikh, no matter how anti-homosexual he or she is, use a derogatory word or tell me I was less than human. They’re pretty open-minded folks IMHO.

Nope, not worn to bed, and no, you can’t cut your hair but it does quit growing after awhile. Plus, underneath the turban it’s combed and tied into a bun.

Technically men shouldn’t take their turbans off, but you find that changing little by little, especially in sports where guys will wear their patka (headcover-- doo-rag, really-- that’s worn under a turban) instead of the full turban.

Women can wear a turban, but most wear a simple headscarf to Gurdwara services.

FWIW, the proper Sikh word is “dastaar”, not turban.

Ah, the Sikh extremists or Akali. That’s such a Punjabi political thing I could not do it justice. Here’s a link from Wikipedia:

I’m in the SF Bay Area that has a large Sikh community, but the nearest Gurdwara from me is a good hour. There’s also a 3H0 ashram in SF proper that has Gurdwara services. I haven’t been to one yet (love my UU services too much) but I do plan on going to the Gurdwara in San Jose at some point, and becoming a regular. In the meantime, I do a lot of my connecting with other Sikhs online.

Check this out:

http://www.punjabonline.com/directory/gurdwara/usa.html

Sorry, this one doesn’t have the broken links:

http://www.punjabonline.com/directory/gurdwara.html

Okay…so you’re saying that Sikhs in Punjab (or from Punjab) are the ones who believe women are less than equal? And that Americanized Sikhs believe in absolute equality? Or is Punjab a “branch” of Sikh-ism, if you will…much like the different types of christianity. I just need to be clear on it.

Also, how can you tell the difference between Punjab and “your” kind of Sikh by sight?

Punjab is a state, please. Punjabi is the word you are looking for. Punjabi Sikhs vs. American Sikhs. You wouldn’t say “America Sikhs”.

Did you like Bend it Like Beckham? :slight_smile:

Heh, can’t speak for the OP, but people are always telling me to watch those movies like Missippi Masala and Bend it Like Beckham. No thank you, I don’t want to watch them. I lived through that “women-are-less-than-men” stereotype and the overprotectiveness - why would I want to watch it in a movie? :slight_smile:

OK, you got me on this, all I can plead is that I’m trying to keep it short.

I’ll answer the question better, to start with.

First off, I am by no means an expert on Punjabi culture, so take anything I say about that commmunity with a boulder of salt. That being said, I have noted that the folks who are more traditional in gender roles tend to be older Punjabi immigrants. Now mind you, women following the men probably doesn’t really say anything more than you’d rather chat with your buddies, male or female, than with your spouses at that particular time. I also know that Punjabi Sikh women and men who are very proud of their heritage and that our religion was the first to proclaim women as complete equals, no ifs, ands or buts. I honestly don’t think the Punjabi community here has any more problem with sexism than any other culture, and given their religious beliefs, probably has less. Daughters are as encouraged as the sons to get an education and find a good job. I also know there is some tensions around marriage, and that most families would prefer their children marry another Sikh-- but that’s no different from any other culture, really.

Thing is, I don’t really have a “my” kind of Sikh since there aren’t even enough obese white trash lesbian Sikhs with tattoos to be contingent #492 in the San Francisco GLBT Pride Parade. I’ve met plenty of queer Sikhs, mainly South Asian but a few gora, and I’ve met plenty of straight gora Sikhs.

In all seriousness, I really shouldn’t mouth off one way or another about Punjabi Sikh culture, that is right stupid of me. I do know this-- I love reading the Guru Granth Sahib. I love this religion. I love my Sikh cyber-sangat, which has a great mix of people from all walks of life. I love talking to random Sikhs I encounter in life, all have welcomed me like a long-lost family member. All Sikhs are my Sikhs; all humans are my brothers and sisters. It is up to me to get over my own petty judgements, prejudices and stupidities.

I more couch-potato it like Homer.

Most people like seeing things or characters in movies that they can relate to, especially when the characters triumph over stuggles that they might have faced. YMMV.