Okay so if The Death of Cats is off the Party list, who do you party with?
Danny Elfman?
Do you have any further career ambitions? Or is being death pretty much the end of the line?
Damn! It is taking longer than we thought.
So, does it bother you that when I refer to the Master of All Yogis, my wife bursts out laughing over cartoon bears? Is it true that all things exist within your body? Doesn’t that make you feel kind of slutty?
Was Robert Oppenheimer your immediate predecessor in the post, or was there someone in between ?
I am having a party tonight. Copious amounts of alcohol will be consumed. Will you be dropping by? I would give directions, time, etc. but as you are semi-omnipotent…
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
– Emily Dickinson
So, Death, tDoW, when you’re not using your carriage for hauling away poets, do you rent it out for weddings?
What’s with the chess thing? I can just imagine the conversation:
Bobby! Where is he??
REGRETS, MRS FISHER. HE LOST.
That’s impossible! He was the best!
SECOND BEST.
He was so sure. Can I speak to him, or see the match?
I AM SORRY. OBLIVIAN HAS HIM. AND LIFE-WAGER CHESS IS NOT FOR OTHER EYES.
Did he try that thing with the knights he had hopes for?
NO. HE PLAYED WELL, BUT GOT EMBROILED IN A PRAWN BATTLE TOO EARLY. HE FINISHED NO CASTLES, REDOUBLED.
What?? Are you sure you know how to play chess?
OF COURSE. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
I demand independant adjudication!
VERY WELL. I KNOW THIS GUY WHO HAS ADJUDICATED FOR ME FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
‘For you’? [sobs… breaks down]
AU REVOIR, MRS FISHER.
Hey, DtDoW – do you radiate Art Deco style?
Who approached you about starring in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (and what a damn fine acting job you did)? What possessed you (snerk) to take a role in Meet Joe Black? What was it like tooling around in Brad Pitt’s body? And who’s inhabiting his fleshy shell now?
What new prospects are you pursuing in your acting career?
And isn’t your Pale Horse named Mortis? Piers Anthony thinks so (and when are you gonna take him?).
Speaking of which, do you take contract hits? There’s a certain outspoken homophobic Topekan that I need out of the picture.
Oh. Good. I have been looking for someone to whine and scrape to. I’m like 54 years old. Is there someone you would like me to maybe rub out, as a favor, so it doesn’t look like your work ?
in exchange for maybe 20 or 30 years of you looking the other way, wink wink ?
Just because you’re Death, Destroyer of Worlds doesn’t mean you have to be rude. “You can kill more flies with honey than with vinegar,” Mama Death always said.
“The Death of Cats”? Is that a new band I haven’t heard of?
“Death – end of the line …” Oh, we have someone here who thinks death is funny.
Of course I plan to retire comfortably someday, though I’ll probably keep my hand in the game. Maybe I’ll move on to K Street and do a little consulting work or lobbying for the unsafe-sex, elevator-surfing or tobacco interests. I’d like to retire to a little cottage by the lake where I can still keep busy and maybe dabble now and then in roadkill.
Slutty is as slutty does. Yes, everthing exists within my body – including the pick-a-nic basket AND the pick-a-nic table. Next time your wife says that, just start calling her Boo Boo.
Oh, we’ve had a lot of people try to fill Death’s robes. The previous occupant of this slot was an affirmative-action hire. She was a feminist who argued that women were oppressed because depictions of death were usually male. (She got a thesis out of it. Go figure.) She claimed she was qualified for the position. But apparently she thought the job description was “Debt, the Destroyer of Credit.” So she maxed out all the company plastic. We couldn’t get rid of her during the Clinton administration.
Oh, yes. That’s my favorite kind of party. Be sure to tell my favorite joke: “I’m glad I drove – I’m too drunk to walk.”
Hey, I love that idea.
If that doesn’t drive the point home to husbands-to-be, I don’t know what will.
We held a focus group that found that young people today think of chess as old-fashioned. So in the interest of attracting and holding a younger audience, I’ve begun substituting the chess game with multi-player Diablo.
I am the player killer.
In a field with as much history and tradition as mine, it’s best to avoid the fashions of a particular era and stick with the timeless classics – hooded robe in basic black. If I went nuts keeping up with the times, you’d see Death with a weed whacker instead of a scythe.
I have to tell people “that’s just fiction.” You know how movies are – they never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Or a bad one, in the case of “Joe Black.” You’d think that filmmakers would be a little more careful about ticking me off, considering I get the last laugh.