I hope this isn’t too much of a hijack, but I’m white and, being pretty much resigned to not having biological children (undiagnosed chronic illness I don’t want to pass on), had decided that I’d probably adopt black kids, since I don’t care about race and I seem to recall that black kids have a harder time getting adopted. Would I really be making such a negative impact on their lives? It’s not as though black kids are made to order. They’d still have to grow up in our society. Surely they’d be better off adopted by someone, regardless of the adoptive parents’ skin color, right? Or is my thinking wrong on this? I certainly wouldn’t want to be a detriment to them. How exactly do black kids have it worse being adopted by white parents?
**For us, Korea was one of the only programs we were old enough for. I’m 30 and my wife is 28, and most countries require both parents to be 30 to begin the paperwork(add another bit of time before you get a kid).
We looked all over the world, by the way. We lived in China and have a heart for kids from there, but we looked in the following countries:
Guatemala (program shut down recently)
China (not old enough)
India (not old enough)
Ethiopia (poor medical records available and other issues)
Taiwan (too long wait)
Russia (kids were mostly older)
We looked at others as well, like Thailand and Vietnam, but most had issues, some of which I can’t remember anymore.**
**You are right about everything except the cost. Korea is really expensive, actually.
However, their medical records, foster care system, and lack of corruption are highly attractive. **
The link to above has costs around $30k. Since we have friends who spent $50k for a Russian adoption a decade ago, and friends who spent $45K for South American a decade ago - Korea still seems pretty reasonable.
Back when we adopted, it was around $16k - but our son is about to turn eleven.
Here is one no one asked yet, at least that I remember.
**Can you have biological children?
Answer: Yes, we can…as far as we know. My wife and I have not tried to have kids ourselves because we are so dedicated to international adoption.
In fact, we may have a kid ourselves for baby #2. We haven’t fully decided yet.
You’d be amazed how many people assume we tried to have kids and were unable to. Having kids biologically was and is our #2 choice right now. **
We’re in Minnesota and have been considering adoption. We’ve been talking to a couple who adopted from China and had a great experience and are in the beginning process of adopting a second from there (I believe it was through Great Wall China Adoption).
Do you know much about them compared to Korean adoption and what differences there might be? Cost? Time? Hurdles? Why someone might pick one over the other?
I think its less about the kids and more about what YOU are up for. Black kids do have different challenges in America than pretty much anyone else - and black kids with white parents are further burdened by parents who “just will never REALLY understand.” That doesn’t mean you can’t be successful at it, just that its a harder life you are picking for yourself. And it may not be. There are white adoptive kids with HUGE baggage over their adoption, and black adopted kids who take a lot of things in stride.
Adopting interracially does mean that you are likely to see the world a little differently, and make different choices. I wouldn’t adopt an Asian kid and live in a place where there were no other Asians - on the other hand I think my son would not do well if we moved into a predominately Asian neighborhood where his white parents stood out. There is a lot of talk about our kids growing up “post-racial” - I would love for that to be true, but the realistic part of me thinks that this runs a lot deeper.
I’d recommend looking at the website I posted to above. I think CHSFS still does China - and at least way back when they used to have a spreadsheet that laid out the options: Cost, average time of the process, age of babies, parent restrictions. Talking to one agency that offers a lot of programs can be pretty insightful in determining what options are attractive to you. We were also interested in Vietnam and India - but at the time not China because at the time China had VERY long waits and issues with institutionalization.
One big hurdle for Minnesotans and Korea is weight. At least it used to be the case that CHSFS used Eastern, and Eastern required that parents be within “normal” weight ranges. Holt doesn’t have that restriction, but wasn’t an option for Minnesotans when we adopted. Korea you are more likely to get a boy than a girl (they used to let you pick, I don’t think they do any longer).
Congratulations, Mahaloth! Last Sunday was my son’s twentieth anniversary.
You say you are not aware of any infertility issues. When we adopted, the agency pushed a lot of “grieving your infertility”. Do they still do that?
Hampshire - a friend of ours down the block adopted her daughter from China about four years back. She said it was roughly the same as for Korea. I didn’t ask exact figures.
Prayers for the future happiness of all your children.
Regards,
Shodan
Kudos to you for going the route of adoption as a first choice. I wish more people would consider adopting a child alongside having biological kids instead of thinking adoption is only a last resort for infertile couples. It’s my plan to do something similar myself in a few years.
Here is CHSFS comparison spreadsheet: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/sites/17a3c32c-1a73-4262-9340-5a597bd43340/uploads/USA_Chart.pdf - note that other agencies may have different fees or differing restrictions…but this is a good starter overview for a variety of programs. Also, other agencies may offer programs that CHSFS does not offer. This one is just convienent because it gives a lot of information for quite a few programs in one place.
Time. The waiting period for China is increasing greatly. Some report it’s as long as 2-3 years, if not more.
My Minnesotan sister & husband are traveling next month for their Ethiopian adoption. Can’t wait to meet my new nephew. I imagine there might be some issues with a black child/white parents but we’ll work through them as they come up…
Good luck with your new daughter!
Were there any requirements/hurdles that surprised you or that you were worried about? I think the weight thing has already been mentioned – I looked briefly into adopting Korean when we were thinking of starting a family, and although I didn’t get into it too far I remember being surprised and concerned by the age restrictions (husband is old enough that he was getting close to them).
Not really. It was all really standard stuff, actually.
:thread resurrection:
I’m resurrecting because I have an update that warrants it.
Ahem,
We leave Saturday to Seoul to pick up our daughter!
How do you know it is genetic?
There are many chronic illnesses which do not have a genetic componant.
Congrats Mahaloth! My husband and I have been investigating adopting from Korea, but the agencies we’ve talked to require that I be cancer-free for 5 years before starting the paperwork. I still have a couple of years to go, which is fine because it gives us time to save, save, save!
Anyway, I hope you come back to post all about your journey. Have you decided on a name yet?
Congrats! May your daughter bring as much joy to your lives as our son has.
I am assuming it is South Korea, or am I getting it wrong? Because I am think that South Korea is well-to-do enough that there weren’t a flood of unwanted children, so I am curious.
Not a flood of unwanted boys, no.