Ask the guy who's got a lot of time on his hands and enjoys talking about himself

Fire away! Nothing off limits, so long as it comes back to me.

How did you end up in Hong Kong and what do you do there?

Oh my God!! It’s such a long story. Basically, though, I had a vision of these poor slanty-eyed people reaching out their arms and saying, “Roger, we need you”.

So I hopped on a plane and here I am. Just servin’ and all.

I just noticed that I didn’t answer your second question, Shibb. I am a propagandist for a large organisation during the week. I am a qualifiied cricket umpire at the weekend.

Can you loan me any money?

I feel cheated on the first answer. If you truly have a lot of time on your hands and enjoy talking about yourself you’d answer fully.

Does propagandist equal “marketing” or something else? Also, given your avocation, can you explain cricket to me? I’ve never been able to make any sense of it.

That ought to give you something to keep you busy.

Don’t you just love it?

I hope you gain your full unqualified status soon.

Has anyone ever told you that you overplay your various roles rather severely, Mr. Kaplan?

Askance, funny you should mention the exact meaning of qualified in relation to umpiring. I am in fact “intermediate qualified”, and depend for my upgrading to fully qualified upon the report from the local chief umpire. Not guaranteed by any means, but that’s a story for another thread.

Shibb, PRopagandist. Geddit?! Hey, you explain “avocation” to me, and I’ll explain cricket to you!!!

Governor Quinn, I think that would be inappropriate for a board devoted to the war on ignorance.

Way to go, Axeman! You the man.

And, Mr Kabong, the only performance that will satisfy you is when I play dead.

God, I’m loving this. I’ll be up all night checking to see if I can answer any more questions.

I understand that there are many floating restaurants in Hong Kong (well, not in Hong Kong but in the water there), if you can’t pay your bill will they throw you overboard?

The self-same thing happened to me once, John.

Simple answer: yes. If the sharks don’t get you, the pollution will.

My particular case: I entertained the manager with my impression of local security guards and was cheered off the boat by diners and waiters alike. The sampan lady with the funny hat even let me ride for free.

Avocation is what one does in addition to one’s normal vocation or job. It can be a hobby or additional job that one loves. I’ve always assumed that referees must love what they do to take the stick that they usually get, although I suppose cricket might be different in that respect.

Whatchya doin’?

I don’t think you’re answering questions so much as fending them off. Come on, explain cricket to the masses, making full reference to the Duckworth-Lewis Method.

Also I’d like to know:
Where is the best Yum Cha found in Kowloon?
How can I get a job in PR in Hong Kong?
Why can’t men lower the toilet seat after use?
What’s the best way to poach an egg that you know?
Where is Jimmy Hoffa buried? (Who knows, you may have been involved which is why you had to escape to Honkers…)

Cricket is a silly game.

So… Bob. Can I call you Bob? I like the name Bob. I think I’ll just call you Bob.

So, Bob, whats the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Cheeky bugger.

Patience, dear, patience.

East Ocean Seafood Restaurant Try the one in New World Centre, Tsim Sha Tsui.

Learn to speak Mandarin and Cantonese. Martian doesn’t cut it here.

Because the porcelain bowl would get in the way.

I don’t know any eggs.

Says you who scarpered to Mars. Anyway, I thought that was where men came from.

Muffin, all games by definition are silly.

Keapon Laffin, you can call me Al for all I care. As for your question, it depends on what you’re swallowing.

I didn’t think it was possible, but this is getting even better.

Since Bob doesn’t know any eggs, I’ll try this one. It’s been a while since I’ve poached an egg (in the cooking sense).

Take a large skillet and fill an inch or two deep with water. Salt the water and bring to very light boil. Stir the water so that it’s moving in the pan in a circular motion. Add 1-4 eggs to poach (depending on pan size and the hunger of diners). Keep the water moving, gently, in a circle around the pan. When the eggs are “done” (to taste) use a slotted spoon to remove them. For whatever reason the swirling water keeps the egg shape cohesive.

Of course it’s probably easier to just use a poacher, but the above method will work anywhere you have eggs, water, salt, a frying pan and fire. Not sure if it will work in your neck of the woods, though. What’s the boiling temperature or water on Mars?

Thank you for the thread, roger. Let me know when that tongue pops out of your cheeck. :smiley: Yer killin me!