Ask the "Household Guide -or- Domestic Cyclopedia", c1900

[PoorYorick]

@BlackKnight

I have searched (and searched and searched) but cannot find any references to onanism, direct or oblique, in the Cyclopedia. It’s possible that I missed a very veiled reference. (Given the vast knowledge of euphemisms I cultivated as a teenager, I find this unlikely.)

Did you look under “Dolphin, Flogging the”?

[Surly_Chick]

@BlackKnight

The book does say quite a lot about bathing in general. So much, in fact, that it’s too much to add to this post. If anyone is interested in bathing (and let’s hope at least some of you are), let me know and I’ll respond in a future post.

Yes, please. Tonight is my weekly bath and I want to make sure I do it correctly.

[hellpaso]

So are fundamentals assholes?

[BlackKnight]

Hey! This thread is back. I had truly intended to post some more answers, but my fence of happy trust was full of work. At the very least, you all deserve to know more about the evils of window ventilation.

I shall post more over the weekend.

[BlackKnight]

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a plague in this great nation. A plague that affects the health of myriads. I refer, of course, to the evils of window ventilation!

But before we can understand the evils of window ventilation, we must first understand the importance of pure air.

“Pure air and good ventilation,” the Guide informs us, “are just as necessary in the house as about the house. Whenever a number of persons live together the atmosphere becomes poisoned, unless means are provided for its constant change and renovation. The death rate is much greater in crowded tenement houses than in the well ventilated and regulated homes of the wealthier classes.”

The caption of a woodcut depicting cemetery gates reads: “Impure air makes the graveyard rich.”

Clearly, the stakes are high. Therefore, I hope you won’t mind a rather lengthy quotation. I’d rather give you more information about this important topic than less.

PURE AIR.

Necessity.- The prime necessity of life is pure air. The body receives its nourishment from food taken into the stomach. This is essential to life, but just as important is the food for the lungs so generously provided in the pure, fresh air all around us. We insist upon it that we must have food for the stomach, but how often do we deprive ourselves of that which is just as important to health and happiness - pure air. A person may live for several weeks without taking food. He may be deprived of drink for some days without serious injury, but deprive him of air but for a few minutes and death will result.

Impure Air.- Those who spend much of the time in the open air are not subjected to the evil effects of impure air as are those who are required to spend most of their time indoors.
…

Our Duty.- Our duty lies in removing everything from dwelling and yard that may give rise to or produce foul air, and on the other hand in providing for ventilation of every room, especially the bedroom.

Neglecting Ventilation.- That dull feeling in the morning, that headache, that restlessness at night is very frequently the result of bad ventilation or no ventilation at all. No one should occupy a bedroom that does not permit the foul air to escape and pure air to enter. Many of the diseases to which men are subject are contracted by breathing impure air.

How to Ventilate.- Fresh air can be obtained only from without. Cold air will injure no one, but drafts of cold upon only a part of the body may occasion severe cold. In all attempts to ventilate, drafts should be avoided. A room can frequently be ventilated without causing drafts by lowering a window at the top on one side of a room, and raising another a little at the bottom on the opposite side. There should be two openings, one for the pure air to come in at and another for the bad air to go out at.

…

Night Air.- Some persons have great prejudice against night air. Although night air may be damp and at times no so healthful, yet if we wish to breathe at all at night we must breathe night air, the only kind there is at night.
…

Quantity of Air.-
Every person above fourteen years of age requires about six hundred cubic feet of shut-up space to breathe in during the twenty-four hours. If he sleeps in a room of smaller dimensions, he will suffer more or less the serious results of poisoned air. Shut up a mouse in a glass bottle and it will gradually die, by re-breathing its own breath. About half the children born in some manufacturing towns die before they are five years old, principally because they want pure air.
…

Cold Air.- Don’t be afraid to go out of doors because it is a little colder than usual. … It will purify your blood, it will strengthen your lungs, it will improve your digestion, it will afford a healthy, natural stimulus to your torpid circulation, and strengthen and energize your whole system. The injury which often results from going into a cold atmosphere is occasioned by a lack of protection to some part of the body, exposure to strong drafts, or from breathing through the mouth. … If you do not breathe thus, acquire the habit as soon as possible.

…

Providence Blamed.- It is frequently the case that children and infants suffer from bad air and bad air often does its part toward diseasing an infant. The loss of children in this way is generally attributed to “a special dispensation of Providence,” and the mother does not stop to think that bad air, improper food and management all had their part in bringing on the disease and making it fatal.

So now we know not only the vast stakes, but also the following important facts:

1. Air is good.
2. Night air is air at night.
3. Cold air is only bothersome to mouthbreathers. (The urge to make a joke about how warm it is in the South is entirely unfair, yet overwhelming.)
4. What matters is that you don’t cool just one part of your body while other parts are warm.
5. If your infant dies, it’s your fault. Don’t go around blaming God for the results of bad mothering.

We now have the requisite knowledge to understand and appreciate the evils of window ventilation.

Evils of Window Ventilation.- The accompanying diagram, Fig. A, almost explains itself, so that few words are necessary. It represents a section of a room in which is shown a stove, one window, and a man seated between. The space represented by straight lines is occupied by warm air, which is seen to be passing out at the upper opening of the window. Through the lower opening in the window cold air, represented by the dotted space, is seen to be entering and filling the lower part of the room. The cool air flows along the floor to the stove, by which it is warmed and thus caused to ascend, filling the upper part of the room and passing out at the upper opening in the window, as before noticed. This plan undoubtedly secures to the gentleman who is sitting in the chair an abundant supply of fresh air; but, as is readily seen, it seriously disturbs the distribution of heat in the room, causing an accumulation of the heated air int he upper part of the room, about the gentleman’s head, while his feet are surrounded with cold air direct from out of doors, which is the reverse of what is desirable for health. If the gentleman could reverse his position as in Fig. B, without inconvenience otherwise, he would secure good conditions regarding both heat and ventilation.

The above illustrations are kindly furnished us by Good Health Publishing Company, Battle Creek, Mich.

[Surly_Chick]

Window ventilation is all well and good but I’m still waiting instruction on how to bathe properly. My bath water is getting cold…

[BlackKnight]

@JoseB

I have a question for the all-knowing Cyclopedia!
What is the best way to get rid of those damnable bedbugs?

I’m missing the bottom third of the first page of the index, which contains most of the B’s. However, the table of contents informs me that information on “How to Get Rid of Bed Bugs” resides on page 502.

Indeed, there is information about how to “avoid fleas”, how to “exterminate the carpet bug”, how to “destroy clothes moths”, how to “exterminate spiders”, and more. If it’s a bug, and you want to kill it, the Guide is your friend. You could even smash bugs with it, but that would probably cause more pages to come loose.

Anyway, here’s the relevant part of page 502:

HOW TO GET RID AND KEEP RID OF BEDBUGS.

1. The eggs of the bedbug are white in color and oval in shape. The young resemble the parents, and it takes about eleven weeks to get its full growth. Like reptiles, they can live many years without food. Mr. Goeze, of Germany, has kept them six years in a bottle without a particle of nourishment of any kind.

2. Keeping the bedding and bedstead perfectly clean is the best preventive.

3. Remedy.- Pour hot water into the crevices and then apply benzine to the different parts of the bedstead.

4. Unpurified petroleum mixed with a little water is also a sure remedy. Corrosive sublimate is a very good, but a very poisonous cure.

Germans sure have some weird hobbies.

Anyway, I hope that answers your question. But there is plenty more to learn about extermination of pests. A few select bits:

How to Avoid Fleas.

1. There are no human fleas in North America. The dog and the cat flea are the only species that annoy us.
   …
2. Remedy. Put olive oil on the dog or cat or both, as the case may be, and rub it into the hair thoroughly and after a few hours wash out with warm water and soap.

…

HOW TO EXTERMINATE THE CARPET BUG.

The Carpet Bug (Anthienus Scrophulanae) or Buffalo Bug, as it is sometimes called, was first noticed int he city of Buffalo, New York. … It is covered with hair as shown in the above illustration a, b. …
Remedy. When once in a carpet it is a very difficult insect to destroy. In some houses carpets cannot be used, as they are eaten as fast as they can be put down. Tallowed paper placed around the edges of the carpet is a very good preventive.

When a carpet is cut as if with scissors following the seams in the floor, the simplest and safest remedy is to pour benzine in very small quantities along the seams; also running a hot flat iron over along the seams of the carpet is very destructive to both the insect and the eggs. …

HOW TO DESTROY THE CLOTHES MOTHS.

One of the greatest enemies of the housewife is the clothes moth. It is very small and makes its way through the smallest crevices. …

Remedy. Beat the garments well early in the spring and occasionally during the summer. … For clothes packed in boxes or trunks, put a little oil of cedar on a piece of paper and roll up and wrap with other paper to avoid soiling the garments, and put several of these rolls into each box or trunk. Carbolic acid, turpentine or benzine is equally good, used in the same manner.

HOW TO EXTERMINATE SPIDERS.

Take a small common kerosene lamp and light it, and late in the afternoon or early in the evening look over the corners and places where spiders are commonly found, and when one is seen hold the lamp chimney directly beneath it, and it will fall at once into the chimney and be instantly destroyed. It is not difficult in this way to destroy all the spiders in the house in a few evenings. It avoids killing them by sweeping them down, and staining the walls or carpet. Early in the evening is the best time.

A NEW WAY OF TRAPPING ANTS.
…
3. Remedy.- Ants are very fond of sugar, and anything containing it will attract them. Sweeten a pan of water to a thin syrup, and then dip a large sponge into it, and wring it out. Place the sponge where the ants can get at it; it will soon be filled through and through with ants, then take it up carefully and plunge it into boiling water, and again set it by saturating it with the thin syrup.

Those last two sound rather satisfying. “Die, insect fiend!”

I cannot but think that Herr Goeze would approve.

[BlackKnight]

Not an answer to anyone’s question, but it may amuse:

PIE FOR DYSPEPTICS.

Four tablespoons of oatmeal, one pint of water, let stand till the meal is swelled. Then add two large apples, pared and sliced, a little salt, one cup of sugar, one tablespoonful of flour, nutmeg if desired. Bake is a buttered dish, when well mixed together. Makes a most delicious pie, which can be eaten with safety by the sick or well.

Let me be the very first to say - Band Name!
Surly Chick, at the risk of making you surlier, I’m afraid the answer to your bathing query will have to wait until the morrow. (If you’ve already taken a bath this week, there’s no hurry anyway.)

Until then, make sure you all stand on your heads to avoid improper cooling / heating of your bodies. Do this, and you may outlast even Gladstone.

[Surly_Chick]

Sigh. My co-workers will not thank you for the delay.

[BlackKnight]

Since, as already mentioned, many of the B entries in the index are missing, let us turn to the table of contents to find out where to go to learn about proper bathing.

BOOK I.
Home and Home Influences.
…
Health.
…
Evils of Window Ventilation … 34
…
Evils of Over-Eating … 40
Time for Digestion … 44
Hints for all Kinds of People … 44
Tea and Coffee, Why Do We Drink It … 45
…
Laughter, a Great Tonic … 50
A Cure for the Blues … 51
…
Bicycle Exercise … 55
Be Good to Yourself … 56
As I Grow Old … 56
Why People Die Before Their Time … 57
Cleanliness … 60
Bathing … 63

Ah, there it is. Since “Cleanliness” seems related, and it’s just before where we want to go anyway, let’s start our reading there.

CLEANLINESS.

Cleanliness.- The Dutch are the cleanliest people in the world, and the latest published statistics show that Holland, in proportion to its population, is the most moral nation on the globe. It is very easy to find a direct connection between the cleanliness of a people and their moral standard.

Also, there is a direct connection between cleanliness and scoring goals against Denmark.

Sorry. I get distracted so easily.

Tidiness.- Of all the external aids to a moral life none is so potent as tidiness. An untidy man or woman soon becomes a moral sloven. Let a man be careless of his surroundings, of his companionships, of his dress, his general appearance and of his bodily habits, and it is not long before the same carelessness extents into the realm of his morals.

If this is true, then by the state of my kitchen I’ll be serial-killing any day now.

Sorry, sorry! I’ll try to stay focused. Promise.

Our Surroundings.- We are all creatures of our surroundings, and we work and act as we feel. If a man lives in a home where carelessness or untidiness in his dress is overlooked, he very soon goes from one inexactitude to another. He very quickly loses himself. The moral fiber of a man, fine of itself, can soon become coarse if the influence of his external surroundings is coarse. I believe thoroughly in the effect of a man’s dress and habits of person upon his moral character.
…

Woman’s Influence.- Here is where the wife, mother or sister comes in. The American woman is very largely responsible for the appearance of our men. The better the appearance of our men the higher will be the standard of morality, the more potent our influence as a nation. I have often looked at men in business and wondered where their wives were when they left home. Unshaved, practically unwashed, save for a few splashes of water in the face, with either frayed or soiled linen, with clothes unbrushed or shoes unblacked, they appear at their places of business.

…

Late Rising.- But, rising late, some men devote fifteen or twenty minutes to dressing, gulp down what passes for a breakfast, and rush off to their business. Now, no man, I care not how dexterous he may be, nor how simple his dress, can make himself look decent in fifteen minutes. I have heard of men who boasted that they could, and did it every morning. But I have yet to see one who did not show the results of the achievement (?) on his person. …

Small Things.- Many men laugh at what they call these “small things.” They will tell you that “in business such things are not noticed,” that “they cut no figure,” or that “it is only the fop who regards these things.” But cleanliness of body and neatness of appearance are noticed in business. More than that, they are a distinct factor in a man’s success. There is a great difference between the neatly-dressed man and the fop. We are too apt to go to extremes in this belief.

…

The Morning Bath.- I would give far more for the work done by a man who has the invigorating moral tonic of a morning bath and the feeling of clean linen than I would for the work done by a man who scarcely washes, and rushes into this clothes. Where the bath-tub has as yet not made its appearance, the vigorous morning “rub-down” is a substitute within the reach of every man.

And here we segue perfectly into bathing. Now, I’m no fop, but I do enjoy a good bath and / or rub-down. But it’s not just enjoyable; it’s quite healthy, and growing in popularity as well:

BATHING.

Bathing.- More and more the American are becoming known as a bathing people. The most moderate house of the working-man now has its bathing room. In homes of more liberal outlay the bathroom connects with the sleeping-room. Servants in such homes are also given their own bathroom. …

England’s Advance.- While the English still use the “hip-baths” in their rooms they are gradually beginning to adopt the bathrooms. All the new houses and hotels in England have private bathrooms, and unheard-of thing until recently. … Even in France, where the bath is considered more of a luxury than a necessity, the adoption of the bathroom is becoming apparent.

When and How.- Dr Cyrus Edson, ex-President of the New York Board of Health, writes concerning bathing: "A cold douche or any form of shower bath should not be used when a person is tired or exhausted from any cause, as the reaction on which the shock depends for its beneficial effect does not follow effectually when the system is tired. The result of the shower in such a case is apt to be internal congestion, which may be disastrous. …

Not Near Meal Time.- A bath should never be taken within two hours of a hearty meal. The first effect of immersion in warm or in cold water is to derange seriously the digestive process if that is progressing at the time, and by a physiological effect that naturally follows, to unbalance or derange the whole nervous system. The result of this is extremely dangerous to the bather. There are numerous instances of severe illness and even of death caused by bathing while the stomach was full."

…

Beauty in the Bath.- For a beautiful bath, which is very luxurious, the temperature of the water should be from 70 to 75 degrees, and the bath should be of daily occurrence. With this should be used the bran and almond-meal bags, which can be had from any druggist. One for much less expense can make them at home by mixing well one and one-half pounds of clean, new bran, and one-half pound of pulverized orris root, three-quarters of a pound of almond meal, and five ounces of grated white Castile soap. Make seven-inch cheesecloth bags, and put about four ounces into each one, sewing them firmly at the edges, using one for each bath, just as you would a sponge, without soap. The bran and almond-meal bags are luxuries, not necessities, in the bath, and while they add softness and fragrance, will not do away with the necessity of scrubbing in order to produce cleanliness.

Beautiful Women.- The world’s most beautiful women from Greek and Roman days down to the modern Turkish seraglio, have always been of those countries where bathing and anointing have been brought to the perfection of a fine art. …

No Fixed Rule.- It is impossible to give any rule about bathing which will apply to all persons. Each in this must be a law unto himself. In nothing does the desire, so common among mankind, to have others conform to the rule of life adopted by one’s self, so often show itself as in the advice given on the subject of baths. You hear some strong man, who delights in the bracing shock of cold water when he rises from his warm bed, not only dilate on the value of the bath taken as he takes it, but seriously advise others to adopt his rule - those others, be it understood, being persons who could not possibly stand the shock of a cold bath. …

Cannot Bathe Too Often.- As long as the result of bathing is not to weaken the bather we can practically say a person cannot, when in health, bathe too much.

To Our Girls.- Your skin and your eyes, my dear girl, constitute the thermometer that tells whether you are well, physically, or not. … Now, what does your morning bath amount to? Do you dab over your face, whirl the cloth around your neck, carefully bathe your hands, and then go out of the bathroom fully satisfied that you are quite clean? There are thousands of girls who consider this all that is necessary, and yet, as the old darky mammy would say, “That’s nothing more than a lick and a promise.”

The Morning Bath.- I do not recommend for any girl in this country a perfectly cold bath. American women are inclined to be nervous and are not over-strong, consequently the wisest thing to do is to plunge into water that is tepid, and which, when one gives one’s self a thorough rubbing, will not cause the much-to-be-dreaded cold. …

Bathing is clearly very, very important, which even the French have begun to admit. The Guide has much more information on bathing, some of which I’ll include in the next post (this one is getting a bit long). For now, let me sum up: You can’t bathe too much. Bathing maintains beauty. Make sure not to bathe after eating. And when giving oneself a thorough rubbing in the morning, cold water is detrimental.

[BlackKnight]

Bathing is so important that the Cyclopedia devotes even more space to it than it does to homeopathic cures for constipation. Without further ado, here are some more choice bits about bathing:

Hot Bath.- A hot bath, which is desirable at least once a week, should be taken at night, and the tired girl will be surprised to find, not only how restful it is, but how perfectly delicious her own body feels when she lies down and her eyelids gradually fall over the eyes weary of looking all the day long.

A Hot Bath Brings Sleep.- Suppose a person be tired out by overwork of any kind, to feel nervous, irritable, and worn, to be absolutely certain that bed means only tossing for hours in an unhappy wakefulness. We all know this condition of the body and mind. Turn on the hot water in the bathroom and soak in the hot bath until the drowsy feeling comes, which will be within three minutes; rub yourself briskly with a coarse Turkish towel until the body is perfectly dry, and then go to bed. You will sleep the sleep of the just, and rise in the morning wondering how you could have felt so badly the night before. The bath has saved many a one from a sleepless night, if not from a severe headache the next day.

A Healthful Practice.- As a rule, every person should take a daily bath - some kind of a wash all over the body. …

Systematic Bathing is undoubtedly the best of all preventives against all ordinary diseases and equally so against epidemics, as the following facts from official authority clearly show: During the fatal visitation of the cholera in Paris and Lyons in 1832, out of 16218 subscribers to the public baths only two deaths among them could be traced to cholera. Comment is unnecessary.

I break the quotation only to point out that we know how useful a preventive bathing is against disease because of the wonderful revelations of the microscope. I now return you to your regularly scheduled quotational excerpts:

Patients.- All patients need some kind of bath daily - a washing of the whole body with sponge, towel, the hands or in any convenient manner. …

The Towel Bath.- This can be taken when one can get a pint of water and two towels. Fold one towel and dip it into the water. Squeeze out some so that you do not wet the floor. Wash face and head as far as you can reach, and the two arms, then more water and wash the front of the body and the thighs. Now open the length of the towel wet all the middle portion, and, taking it by the two ends, pass it over the neck and saw all down the back, fold in four and have another dash down in front and finish with legs and feet. Now wipe dry, and rub briskly all over with a dry towel, the rougher the better.

…

Reaction.- Within a reasonable time after a bath the body in all its parts should become naturally warm. If this is not the case the bath has done no good.

Exercise.- Exercise should be taken after the bath until circulation is fully restored. Where this cannot be done friction by rubbing should take its place.

Finally, I quote “Practical Rules for Bathing” in its entirety:

PRACTICAL RULES FOR BATHING.

1. Bathe at least once a week all over, thoroughly. No one can preserve his health by neglecting personal cleanliness. Remember, “Cleanliness is akin to Godliness.”

2. Only mild soap should be used in bathing the body.

3. Wipe quickly and dry the body thoroughly with a moderately coarse towel. Rub the skin vigorously.

4. Many people have contracted severe and fatal diseases by neglecting to take proper care of the body after bathing.

5. If you get a good reaction by thoroughly rubbing in a mild temperature, the effect is always good.

6. Never go into a cold room, or allow cold air to enter the room until you are dressed.

7. Bathing in cold rooms and in cold water is positively injurious, unless the person possesses a very strong and vigorous constitution, and then there is great danger of laying the foundation of some serious disease.

8. Never bathe within two hours after eating. It injures digestion.

9. Never bathe when the body or mind is much exhausted. It is liable to check the healthful circulation.

10. A good time for bathing is just before retiring. The morning hour is a good time also, if a warm room and warm water can be secured.

11. Never bathe a fresh wound or broken skin with cold water; the wound absorbs water, and causes swelling and irritation.

12. A person not robust should be very careful in bathing; great care should be exercised to avoid any chilling effects.

I wonder if this “don’t bathe for two hours after eating” might have morphed into the “don’t swim for a half hour after eating or you’ll cramp and DIE!” that we heard from our parents growing up. (And which Cecil addresses here.)

One more quick post, then I’m off to take a bath - all this talk of vigorous rubbing has made me feel dirty.

[BlackKnight]

It May Amuse You …

Treating the Lungs In General Massage

Your opinion may differ, but for me, this is the absolute best image in the entire Cyclopedia. It’s almost a shame that it has an explanatory caption.

(I admit I’m also partial to “hale and vigorous” Gladstone.)

[Deeg]

Reading this thread has caused me to spend a little more time thumbing through books at yard sales/thrift shops. Alas, I’ve found nothing so interesting (so far!).

[Surly_Chick]

The first effect of immersion in warm or in cold water is to derange seriously the digestive process if that is progressing at the time, and by a physiological effect that naturally follows, to unbalance or derange the whole nervous system.

Well, there’s my problem. I have seriously deranged my entire nervous system (not to mention my digestive process) by bathing too soon after dinner. I wonder if this derangement is irreparable…

[nicole1912]

This thread is fantastic. I can’t believe I hadn’t opened it before! I’d quite like to know what advice was given about Hair Dyeing in 1900, if you’ve got time to share it…

[Crowbar_of_Irony_3]

I am curious about “Hints for All Kind of People”. There must be something for me in there!

[alicorn2]

Please, I must know: Why People Die Before Their Time … 57

Although… “There are numerous instances of severe illness and even of death caused by bathing while the stomach was full” - perhaps that’s my answer. They took a bath after supper and DIED. (I may have to stop bathing my toddler right after supper, I might be killing her!)

[BlackKnight]

@salinqmind

After our family has suffered an ague or influenza, is it a wise precaution to have my maid of all work disassemble the beds, wash the frames thoroughly with carbolic, and take the mattresses out into the sun? Also, should I instruct her to gather new downy feathers to restuff the pillows or will beating them thoroughly, along with the mattresses, be sufficient?

Excellent question!

As you all know, diseases such as typhoid, small-pox, and scarlet fever afflict countless of our countrymen every year. Even if you’re as clean as the Dutch, you may eventually need to deal with these plagues.

First, let’s review: The Wonderful Revelations of the Microscope.

If you’ve been reading on trains too often, you may have trouble poring over all that small text. So let me give you the highlights:

The Wonderful Revelations of the Microscope. The Discovery of the Invisible Assailants of Health.

The microscope has revealed a new kingdom of invisible life. The air we breathe, the water we drink, the air above us and the earth beneath us, are filled with countless myriads of little bodies, known as “microbes,” “bacteria,” “bacilli,” etc. They are the most insidious, relentless and powerful enemies to human life, and destroy more lives than war, famine, fire, murder, ship-wreck, and all other casualties combined. …

HOW MICROBES OR BACTERIA ATTACK THE BODY.

Microbes gain access to the human body principally through the mouth, but they may also effect an entrance through a wound, or even an invisible breach of the skin’s surface. …

Taking the lungs as an illustration, when a microbe which engenders consumption gains a footing in those organs, it first “squats” so to speak, in one spot, and proceeds to cultivate the ground it has found, in its own way. The deadly seed is sown and a crop of “tubercles” is the result; these slowly ripen to pursue the metaphor, and then rot, the consequence being the complete destruction of the structure of the lung at that point.

Sounds like a nasty way to go. Even worse than ship-wreck. So it’s understandable why you’d be concerned with disinfecting a room. Luckily, the Cyclopedia has a section entitled, “How to Disinfect a Room”.

But hold up a second. There’s also a section about how to destroy microbes more generally. Maybe we’ll get some useful insight before answering the specifics of your question.

HOW TO DESTROY MICROBES.

The person, as well as the house and yard, must be kept clean. Cold water is, of course, most useful; but every man, woman and child ought to take a hot bath about once a week, and frequent changes of underclothing should be made. Still more important, perhaps, is the character of the drinking-water we consume, for ninety-nine cases out of a hundred of typhoid fever are due to contaminated drinking-water. …

If there has been sickness in the house, additional precautions ought to be taken. The paper on the walls of the sick-room should be removed and burnt; the walls and ceiling should then be washed with a solution consisting of one part of bichloride of mercury to 1,000 parts of water. This germ-destroyer, often called corrosive sublimate, is a deadly poison, and must be handled with great care. All bed-linen and other clothing from the room occupied by the sick person should be boiled for no less than three hours, and to every four gallons of water used for this purpose one pound of sulphate of zinc may be added.

Cats and dogs are a serious source of danger if they have been permitted to roam around promiscuously at their own sweet will, as they carry the germs of disease with them, and quite frequently convey most serious disorders not only to children, but to grown persons. Since there is no satisfactory method of sterilizing these animals …

… thinks about what they did to the wall paper

thinks about what they did to the bedsheets

RUN FIFI! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

… method of sterilizing these animals, it is best to have none of them about the house unless they can be kept within bounds.

whew I was worried there for a second. The Guide also points out that “fresh air, pure water, and sunshine” are the microbes’ worst enemies. So, make sure you keep your house well-lit and well-ventilated. (One hopes the microbes don’t know the trick about standing on one’s head.)

But as I said, there’s a section specifically about disinfecting a room, so here it is:

HOW TO DISINFECT A ROOM.

We present our readers with an abstract of a recent lecture by J. H. Kellogg, M. D.

The best means to disinfect a room which has been occupied by a consumptive or a person suffering from any other infectious disease is to burn sulphur in it. To do this, take a dishpan and place a flat plate in the bottom of it, and on this set a kettle containing the proper quantity of sulphur mixture - equal quantities of sulphur and charcoal. Fill the pan with water so that it comes half way up on the kettle. Then turn alcohol or benzine on the mixture, ignite and get out of the room as speedily as possible. …

Previous Preparation.- The room should be prepared previously by having every crack about doors and windows tightly pasted or stopped up. The object of using water is that the heat of the kettle will cause evaporation and send moisture out into the room, for the spores being very tenacious of life, dry sulphur fumes are not sufficient to kill them all. In the dry state the product is simply oxide of sulphur, but when water is added we have suplhuric acid, which is powerful enough to kill the spores as well as the germs.

Sufficient Quantity.- It is of the utmost importance that a sufficient quantity of the sulphur be used to make the work effective. I have seen people attempt to disinfect a large room with a handful of sulphur barely sufficient to disinfect a dry-goods box. … Take, for instance, a room which is 12 by 15 feet floor measurement, and 10 feet high, which gives a cubical contents of 1,800 feet. This is so nearly 2,000 that it would be best to take six pounds of sulphur to disinfect it.

… Many strange notions as to disinfection prevail, and all sorts of valueless recommendations are going the rounds of the papers. For instance, I called upon a patient once and found a tub of water under the bed, and it was explained to me that it was for the purpose of absorbing germs. Others will set powdered charcoal around on trays, or a little chloride of lime on a saucer. Some people seem to imagine that the germs are going to hunt up the disinfectant and destroy themselves. …

Corrosive Sublimate.- Another excellent disinfectant is corrosive sublimate, but it is too dangerous for common use, unless kept under lock and key. It is best used in connection with permanganate of potash, one drachm of each to a gallon of water. This will make a reddish or purplish solution, and if marked poison, and handled with care, will be dangerous chiefly to germs… A solution of corrosive sublimate along is colorless, odorless, and nearly tasteless, which facts greatly increase the risks of using it.

What’s all that scribbling I hear? Oh! I’m overjoyed to see you all taking such good notes about colorless, odorless poisons. Truly, this is important information I’m divulging. But what’s with the furtive glances at your spouses? Anyway, the Cyclopedia continues:

Clothing.- For disinfecting the clothing from the bed and the patient, soak for four hours, either in a solution of corrosive sublimate and water or the same length of time in a two per cent solution of carbolic acid. The latter is to be preferred for general purposes, for it will not affect the texture, while corrosive sublimate will shrink flannel clothing and make it harsh.

Walls and Floor.- A solution of corrosive sublimate may be used to disinfect a room by washing the walls and floor in it …

A Good Disinfectant.- Dr Stone says: "All authorities, I believe, are agreed in giving the preference to chlorine, which may be evolved by mixing in a bottle two tablespoonfuls of common salt, two tablespoonsful …

Uh, I actually don’t know how hard some of the other ingredients are to get, or even what precisely they are. But considering what one can learn by Googling, I’m going to stop there before anyone gets any ideas about trying this at home.

I’ll leave you with this handy guide for telling contagious diseases.

[BlackKnight]

It May Amuse …

LIQUID FOR FORCING THE BEARD.

2 ounces cologne.
1 drachm liquid hartshorn.
2 drachms tincture cantharides.
12 drops oil rosemary.
12 drops lavender.

Apply to the face daily, and await result. Said to be reliable.

[Morbo]

Orgasm- The closing excitement of sexual connection.

So many things to say here that I’m caught in a loop. Although it could be my Gleet. What can I say, I bathe once a day with the window closed. What am I, Dutch?