Ask The Lesbian!

In My Humble Opinion
41

Steve Wright–

My wife also refers to me as her wife.

And sometimes as her “personal house biotch”.

:rolleyes:

I know it’s pretty confusing, but it’s really the most comfortable thing we could come up with. Partner–too PC. SO–too sterile. We just had to find terms that we felt good about, and wife/wife just happened to be it.

teleute12–

I like Playboy. I subscribe to Playboy. The girls in that magazine are not my ideal female, but they’re pretty and I enjoy looking at them. I also enjoy male-targeted magazines like Stuff and Maxim. This, of course, is going to vary wildly from lesbian to lesbian, and there are those feminist-lesbians who think I should be shot for, uh, what’s it called? “Embracing the patriarchal stereotype.” Or something. To put it simply, I’m fond of looking at naked women.

gex gex–

Hrm. For me personally, I don’t think I like what most men like physically. My personal preference? Dark hair, dark or green eyes, darker skin. Body build is not something extremely important to me. However, like I told the previous poster, I like naked girls. The more naked, the better. I also prefer women on the heavier side. Thin girls are not my ideal. So I’m thinking I probably don’t have the same preferences a straight man would.

Can I use myself for porn? Eh, I’m not particularly attractive, so that’s a no-go. I use my wife for porn, though! Uh, don’t tell her I said that.

As for your last question, all I’m going to say is Mmm. Brazilian girls in the rain.

Deep Fried–

The hanky code (which can be foundhere), is more of a BDSM lifestyle thing than a lesbian thing. Of course, there are many lesbians who subscribe to the BDSM lifestyle, but there are many gay men and heterosexuals who do also. I, personally, do not.

:slight_smile:

42

Fucking hamsters!

43

I’m a 40yo lesbian here, so my question isn’t so much about being lesbian-- I think I know a bit about that :)-- but how you feel about the generation gap in the lesbian community.

When I was coming out in the early '80s the main divide was the generation gap between the “separatist” lesbian-feminists and the so-called sex-positive feminists.

I’m wondering what’s your take on how lesbian culture is shaping up now-- I’m thinking it’s less political, more about queer culture now vs. women’s culture then, etc. But I’m curious as to your take on it.

44

I’m a 40yo lesbian here, so my question isn’t so much about being lesbian-- I think I know a bit about that :)-- but how you feel about the generation gap in the lesbian community.

When I was coming out in the early '80s the main divide was the generation gap between the “separatist” lesbian-feminists and the so-called sex-positive feminists.

I’m wondering what’s your take on how lesbian culture is shaping up now-- I’m thinking it’s less political, more about queer culture now vs. women’s culture then, etc. But I’m curious as to your take on it.

45

why are so few animals homosexual (if any)?

do you think more humans are homosexual because “we have become more advanced” or “we have a more developed thought process”?

also, animals mate to ensure the survival of the species. wouldn’t homosexuality not ensure this at all?

dont get me wrong, i am not flaming anyone or any way of life. these are just questions that have bugged me.

46

Argh. Hamsters again.

47

An awful lot of animals are gay- go read Biological Exhuberance. It’s more than just lesbian seagulls.

I’ve dealt with a fair bit of homophobia in life; my mom wanted to send me to straight camp to change me. Fortunately, she didn’t, and has since come to terms with me. I also once had a group of “friends” try to ‘exorcise my homosexual demons’ from me. That was real cute.

48

  1. Tons of animals have non-heterosexual proclivities, including all primates (see Biological Exuberance, for examples.)

  2. Actually, I don’t think it’s because we’re more advanced, but we’re a species that is develops culture so what we’re probably doing is creating an abstract category called “homosexuality” to describe a whole variety of sexualities (and I don’t just mean bisexuality). In the animal world, sexuality (and even gender!) is much more fluid than we realize, so categories like homo/hetero/bi don’t really capture what sexuality really is.

  3. Sociobiologist E.O. Wilson hypothesizes that the reason homosexuality exists is so heterosexual siblings have more resources while raising their children-- ie, a childless aunt or uncle who, because 1/4 of thier genetic material will survive, will theoretically help provide additional care and resources to their nieces/nephews. Therefore having homosexual family members gives some survival advantages to the extended family that all-heterosexual families wouldn’t have. I don’t necessarily agree with him, but I think it’s an intriguing theory.

Additionally, even in primate communities sexuality has more functions than reproduction. Bonobos are pansexual and use sexuality for bonding, pleasure, domination and affection. Chimpanzees are also known to be pansexual and much of their sexuality is downright aggressive. Sexuality has a lot more uses than reproduction, important as that is.

49

How do you feel about the fetishization of your sex life by hetero males? Does “can I watch?”, even as a joke, make you angry?

50

mojave66–

I think you’re right. Lesbian culture is more enveloped into queer culture as a whole now. The lesbian-seperatist is (for the most part) a thing of the past. And I, for one, am glad. There’s nothing as annoying as a bunch of lesbians running around shrieking about the patriarchy and the hierarchy and replacing the “e” in women with a “y”. Michigan Women’s Music Festival, I am so looking at you right now.

To be honest, I tired of the lesbian circle quite awhile back. I’ve learned to stop thinking people are going to be cool because of their sexuality, or that I’m going to have things in common with them. When I first stuck my toe into the lesbian (not queer, but lesbian) culture, I was shocked to discover that I had close to nothing in common with the majority of lesbians that I met. The only thing that bound us together was the fact we all liked to fuck other women. Queer culture, OTOH, I got very involved in–AIDs research, fundraising, protesting, etc. It’s pretty funny, actually–my wife, being fairly new out-of-the-closet, is now experiencing the whole “I want to know other lesbians” thing, and I sigh and shake my head the majority of the time. I figure she’ll learn soon enough that a person isn’t going to be more interesting, open-minded, or fun to be around because of their sexuality.

abbazaba, it seems like others have taken care of your questions quite well, so I’ll let their answers stand.

Sorry it took so long–either SDMB or my computer has been a bitch today.

:slight_smile:

51

Raygun99–

Personally, “can I watch” jokes don’t make me angry. It’s a pretty weak-ass, played out joke, but it doesn’t piss me off.

My theory on straight men fetishizing lesbian sex is this–they don’t want to see two lesbians having sex, they want to see two Playboy pinups caressing each other while wearing extremely slutty shoes. Uh, which I like to watch, too. But don’t tell my wife.

I’ve asked straight males who comment “lesbian sex is hot!” if they really mean that. My stock question is “Would a super butch dyke banging another super butch dyke with a strap-on arouse you?” Answer is usually no. So I think it’s all in what the straight male pictures as lesbian sex, and it’s usually two blondes on a waterbed giggling and stroking each other.

Which is still pretty hot, especially if they wear plastic see-thru seven-inch heels.

Signed,

QueerGeekGirl, who has a Frederick’s of Hollywood shoe fetish.

:slight_smile:

52

My ex-wife’s cousin wrote The Last Time I Wore a Dress. A pretty interesting read if you want to see how far ‘curing’ someone of homosexuality can go (although in fairness from my view within the family I can say that the book plays a little fast and loose with the truth in some areas but that’s another story…the overall gist however remains and is scary IMHO).

For those earlier who asked about the magazine Playboy I think it is interesting that I know several gay men who subscribe to that magazine. The old saying about, “I only get it for the articles” truly applies in their case. I know a few heterosexual women who also enjoyed that magazine and read it when they can. Like QGG (spun a bit) mentioned earlier they tell me they can certainly appreciate the women photographed in an aesthetic sense and otherwise enjoy the articles (the gay men tell me the same thing…like looking at art to them but it doesn’t turn them on). Personally I wouldn’t classify Playboy as pornography but that’s just me.

My question is what do you do with someone (a woman) who you believe is a lesbian in her heart but due to external pressures (family mainly but maybe a little Catholic angst thrown in for good measure) forces herself to be heterosexual? I won’t go into my reason here for this belief so for the sake of argument assume I am correct in my assumption.

I don’t prestend to be able to lead someone else’s life for them and these are decisions they have to grapple with but how do you even broach the subject? Beyond simply ‘being there for them as a friend’ how can you encourage or coax them out of their shell? I ask because I believe their denial is a rotten core that is eating away at a wonderful soul and it hurts to watch.

I realize this is a broad question and likely to be different for every individual who might fall into this category but if there are guidelines or broad ideas to try I’d like to hear them.

53

When it comes from my friends, it’s fine. If it comes from anyone else- and I’ve heard it many times before- that’s one of the few ways to make me immediately dislike a person.

54

QueerGeekGirl— I can so relate to feeling like I have nothing in common with the ‘lesbian culture’. I having much more fun in a gay men’s bar with much less drama. Although, on occasion, I will hang out at the local lesbian bar on a slow night and just chill with a beer and a very friendly game of pool.

Now, I have a question-- When the bar scene is not an option for you as far as finding a girlfriend… where do else do you go? I’ve run the gammit of gay bookstores and other such cerebral activites myself so I am curious as to others’ experiences.

And if the hampsters cooperate, I am open for some of these questions too. Good thread QGG!

55

There’s not a lot that anyone can do besides be supportive.

When someone is in that situation, they basically have three options. They can give up their ideology, they can give up their sexuality, or they can attempt to find some middle ground. In my experience, many people go through all three. I did.

Most of the time denial can only last so long before someone gets really bad and violent towards themselves and the people around them. But if you’re supportive, hopefully your friend can start to get comfortable with her own skin and stuff like that. Also, there’s eleventy billion resoruces for this sort of thing- books, magazines, websites. Don’t think you’re alone.

Also, I’m curious as to what you said about ‘the last time I wore a dress.’ I read it recently; would you feel comfortable elaborating on the inconsistencies?

56

Sure although understand this is just a quick pass at the topic. As with any family situation the emotions run high and the truth can be hard to get at. What I ‘know’ is admittedly third hand passed through the family. What I know is from my ex-wife and filtered to her through her family. However my ex is a smart cookie and has a way of finding truth and I believe what she told me was uncolored and given as she thought it was. However, for all I know what I am about to write is utter crap and completely untrue. I was NOT there to witness any of this and only came on the scene long after it was all done. Take it FWIW.

Hopefully that’s enough disclaimers for now…

The book seemed hard on her parents. Although Daphne mentions some of her troubles as a youth she doesn’t really do them justice. She was basically out-of-control…WAY out-of-control. Her parents, while maybe not saints, weren’t as bad as they were portrayed either. Ask any parent who has had to deal with a hyper-rebellious teen and you’ll have a sense of this. Her parents did not have her committed for gender identity disorder and as I understand it did not realize for a long time that this is what she was being treated for. Somehow the institution was vague on this to them…they were just treating a troubled teen as far as the parents knew.

I know her parents and they are good people. Certainly they have their hangups and issues but who doesn’t? I consider myself a fair judge of character and my take (just my take on it) is that while they aren’t likely to be thrilled with a homosexual child they will still love that child and certainly would not commit a person to an institution for that reason.

57

If you assume that all “kits, cats, sacks, and wives” are indeed going, the answer can be determined as follows:

Each of 7 wives has seven sacks, so 49 sacks are involved.

Each of those 49 sacks has 7 cats, so 343 cats are included.

Each of those 343 cats has 7 kits, for a total of 2401 kits.

7 + 49 + 343 + 2401 = 2800

If the husband of the seven wives is added, 2801 “travelers” are encountered by the narrator, who is himself/herself the 2802nd on the journey to St. Ives.

To return the thread to its original intent, I’ll ask this of the lesbians who’ve volunteered to post here: Did/do you conform to such academic/scholastic stereotypes as “women are weaker in math than are guys”, “lesbians are more drawn to sports than are straight chicks”, etc.?

58

Let me clarify that when I say Daphne was ‘hyper-rebellious’ I mean beyond arguing with her parents or smoking (tobacco or pot) or drinking. I’m talking about stuff that would see an adult in jail for several years.

To Daphne’s credit she has managed to pull herself out of where she was. I have seen her art and I think she has talent there and of course there is the book this is all about. Last I heard Daphne now passes herself off as a guy (Derrick?..I forget) but she has not had a sex-change and AFAIK she does not intend to have one.

Her book still stands as a condemnation of the notion of ‘gender identity disorder’ and it is hideous that she had to be put through what she went through. She certainly had some sort of counseling coming her way for her past deeds but NOT for what they thought she needed treatment for!

I think gender identity disorder is still on the books (psychiatry manuals) sadly enough. Whether it is still diagnosed and ‘treated’ I wouldn’t know.

59

I’ve noticed when I hear gay friends talking that they tend to use the terms “fag” and “queer” when describing each other. In this thread, I have heard people using “queer,” “dyke,” and “butch.” What gives? As far as I know, these terms are and have been used as hate language by assholes. My question for the lesbians: Are these terms accepted in the gay community? Is it one of the things where GLBT people can use these terms but not straight people? By the way, thanks for starting this thread to educate us. I think it is well worth the time taken. Keep it up!

60

Well, that’s pretty obvious. Straight sex is hot too, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch a 400-pound man shag an 80-year-old grandmother.

For the record, when there are two girls in my fantasies, there are no waterbeds involved and very little giggling. They’re usually not blondes, either.

I do have one question about lesbian sex, one that I’ve never been able to get a satisfactory answer for out of Pricegal, and it may sound a little silly: How do you know when you’re done? I mean, when there’s at least one male involved, there sooner or later comes a time when it becomes physically difficult for him to continue, if you follow me, so generally you’ll wait until the other party/ies are satisfied and then conclude the encounter.

Don’t you love it when I talk dirty?

But it seems to me that two women could go on theoretically forever, and there’s never an ending that comes around naturally. Obviously you do stop at some point, but how is that decided? Do you say “That’s it for tonight, same time tomorrow” or what?