Whack-a-Mole–
The best thing you can do for your friend is just be there for her. She may never come to the realization (or acceptance thereof) that she is a lesbian. I personally think she has a pretty unhappy life ahead of her, and I’m sure you probably agree with me (from the tone of your post). Unfortunately, nothing you say or do will speed up the process for her.
If she conciously knows that she is a lesbian, and still chooses to live a heterosexual life–then there’s nothing you can do. Please don’t take this in a bitchy tone, but an old friend of mine always said in those circumstances, the best bet folks had was to simply mind their own business. I know. That sucks as advice, but that’s the best you can do. Be there for her and support her, because if your assumption is true, she’s going to have a hard road ahead.
Christina25–
Other than the bar scene, you are kind of limited as to where you can pick up dates. I always have been a strong advocate of using the Internet personals and the like to meet folks–you can weed out the, uh, undesirables that way. Gay community centers are also a good place to meet people–if you live in a large city that has one, they often have mixers on the weekend. I always found them to be fun. Joining gay pride stuff is another way I met girls, especially AIDs events. Lesbians may sit and sulk around for the most part, but they tend to come out in droves for AIDs fundraisers and the like.
Sternvogel–
I don’t personally conform to those stereotypes. I hate sports, I can’t stand outdoorsy activities (hiking, camping, etc), or any of the other dyke-ish things I’m supposed to like. As for math, sure, I’m weak in math. Whether that be from being female or from lack of a good mathematical foundation, I don’t know. I can whip ass in literature, history and the arts though.
And your explanation of the riddle further lets me know that it’s an evil plot to bring me down.
Nate the Great–
A gay person using “fag” and “dyke” and “queer” is much like a black person using “nigga”. When you strip words of negative connotations, you start to own the label. Therefore, the group that label was originally applied to starts to own the word. Lots of people don’t agree with that, but I do. My rule of thumb is
this–if you can’t apply the word to yourself, then don’t use it. If you can’t feel the sting of the word personally when a non-gay/non-black/non-whatever uses it, then you can’t use it in the good way, either. Uh, of course you can, but that says something about ya.
Priceguy–
No. Just…no. My explanation was that straight men do not want to see the average lesbian having sex with another average lesbian. They think slender, long haired, long-legged waifs with large breasts and pouty lips. They don’t think the average dyke who plays softball on the weekend.
As for “when we’re done”–there’s comes a point when no one can go any farther. Women get sore, stiff, uncomfortable and just plain done. How many orgasms do you usually have in a sexual encounter? I’m thinking one or two at most, correct? Same goes for us. Like Iteki said, I don’t think anyone keeps going until they’re raw and bloody.
Whack-a-Mole–
Again–no. What we’re trying to say is that what appeals to the average straight male is NOT what an average lesbian looks like. There’s nothing “nasty” about a butch lesbian, but I’m thinking most men don’t fantasize about them. It’s hypocritical to say “lesbian sex is hot, but, uh, only between two Barbies”. If someone is going to use the label “lesbian sex” then it best mean exactly that. Now, if someone means “two straight girls frolicking about in heels”, then say that. Don’t devalue me or my sexual relationships.
As for why gay men are more visible–eh, don’t even get me started. Lesbians are much more prone to hide in the closet for one. For two, they’re just plain lazier. Heh. Also, lesbians have a tendency to be in long-term relationships more so than gay men, which means we have less reason to go clubbing and the like. (What does a lesbian bring on her second date? A U-haul.) If a lesbian is out of the closet, you’re much more likely to catch her at pride events and such. We’re a bunch of lazy fuckers, but we’ll come out in droves to support each other when prompted.
I’m going to be brutally honest–this aggravates me to no end. “Gaydar” is the perception gay people get toward each other–hence, straight people do not have a Gaydar. Yes, you may be able to spot a queen from a block away–most people who knows gay folks can. The reason your “gaydar” doesn’t work on females is because you don’t have one.
I’m very sorry if I sound hostile–I don’t mean to. That just drives me apeshit.
As for lesbians spotting each other–yeah, it’s pretty fine-tuned. You should come dyke-watching with my wife and me one day. It’s pretty amusing. I can usually spot one of the family from ten paces.
There’s some seperation in the gay and lesbian communities, and it’s pretty stupid to be honest. You have your contingent of male-hating lesbians, and your faction of women-hating gay men. They annoy the living shit out of me. If I hear one more lesbian say something degrading about men, I swear I’ll lose my mind.
And welcome, Priam, it’s good to get a gay boy’s POV in here.
Again, sorry it took so long! Hamsters must be on strike.
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