Ask The Lesbian!

I asked and a couple of Dopers gave me the green light, so here you are…

In following a trend that seems pretty popular, I give you the “Ask The Lesbian” thread!

Nothing offends me, I have no problem laughing at myself or my sexuality, I’m open to all questions including those you might think are stupid or embarassing to ask (“Who’s the man in your relationship?”), and inquiries regarding my sex life are fine.

Disclaimer: I do not speak for all lesbians, my view pertains only to me and those I know, I am not responsible for any conversions that may take place, no toaster ovens will be given out, etc etc etc.

Fire away.

How old are you?

How long have you preferred the company of women?

Was your coming out experience easy or painful?

How open are you about your sexuality with friends, family, and other acquaintances?

Do you have any sexual feelings for males at all?

Well, that didn’t take long, did it? :slight_smile:

A question specifically about you…is Ironton, OH a difficult place to be openly lesbian?


I’m 22. I’ll be 23 in August, and gifts are expected.

I’ve preferred the company of women since…forever, I guess. I take it by “company” you mean sexually and relationship wise.

My coming out–this is kind of peculiar, so bear with me here. I never was really “in the closet”, so I guess there was really no big coming out thing. When I was around 12-13, I became sexual (as most folks are prone to at that age). My feelings toward females seemed very natural to me. I didn’t grow up affected by homophobia very much. My parents (assholes though they be) were not homophobic in the least. To give you an example, the biggest thing I ever had to deal with was my father saying “It’s a hard road to travel.” It never occurred to me that I was supposed to like boys instead of girls. Of course, as I got farther into my teens, I saw homophobia around me, but it never affected me individually. I’m not saying folks didn’t say things about me behind my back, but no one ever a) cared enough or b) had enough balls to say it directly to me. So that pretty much set the tone for my life. I’ve never been in the closet, thankfully.

I’m extremely open about my sexuality. I have a hard time answering this question, so let’s see if I can phrase it so you can understand it. I treat my sexuality as casually as a heterosexual would treat their own. Say, if someone asks “Are you married?”, my response is “Yes.” They will go to say “What’s your husband do?” I’ll then smile and say “Oops! Wife, not husband! And she’s a therapist.”

Sexual feelings for males? Not at all. I appreciate a fine looking male aesthetically, but not sexually. I like looking at beautiful people of both genders, but when it comes to sexual things, I have no feelings for the boy-type people. Amusingly enough, the more feminine a man is, the more beautiful I’m prone to find him. I’m thinking that says something about me.



Heh, that sure didn’t take long. This is pretty fun.

As for Ironton…


This place is the pit of hell. I’ve come across some pretty fucked-up things in my time here. My wife lost a job for coming out of the closet, and I was kicked out of school for being a lesbian. (Of course, it was that whole find-another-reason-but-we-really-know-why deal.) Oddly enough, it didn’t effect me the way it did my wife–but I didn’t grow up here, and she did. I took it with a grain of salt and the fact that in the long run, it was for the best on my part. For her, it was much harder. It’s a pretty ignorant-ass place to live, for sure. In the next county over, there’s a raging debate over a group of students forming a Gay-Straight Alliance club, with folks going as far as pulling their children out of the public school so they don’t have to suffer being around homos, I suppose.


So while I don’t personally find it hard, it’s hard on the gay population in general, yes.


Ahhh, heck. If anyone is going to come up with a sleezy, low browed question it might as well be me. [shrugs]

Any good pornography for lesbians? I mean, besides all the ones out there that are made by men…

I’ll throw myself into the “willing to answer questions” fray if only because it beats doing research for a final paper on metrical stress theory.

I’m 20, lesbian, grew up in Delaware but currently attend college in New Hampshire.

I figured out I was gay when I was in 7th grade. Science class, of all places- I was sitting next to this one girl who I thought was the most gorgeous creature to ever grace the planet, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to hold her hand. Then the clue fairy hit me with a big stick. Girl… girl… oh, dear, this will be painful.

My coming out story is kind of long and epic. Mom didn’t take it well by any standard- 13 was a bad year for me; I’ll go into it by request- and it’s taken her an awful long time to get used to the idea. One of the first things she ever told me was to not tell my father. So I didn’t, and it became so painfully obvious that when I told him when I was 16 his reaction was “I know. I’ve known for years. Have you finished washing the car?” The rest of the family found out in fits and starts, with the predictable mixed reactions. My maternal grandparents took it with extreme grace, though. :slight_smile:

All of my friends know- I was “the gay one” in high school, and here in college I’m very active in the rainbow alliance and a few other social justice type things. I also work for a gay youth nonprofit-

I’m mostly gay. I don’t think I’d rule out much of anything, but I can’t see myself with a guy long term.

On Our Backs is about the only one, but there’s this thing about it…

What you have to understand is that porn is specialized. A magazine caters to a specific thing- Black Inches, Latin Inches, Freshman, Big Titties… whatever. Men know just what they’re buying when they buy porn, because every magazine is basically a niche market.

There are about three actual lesbian porn magazines. So… well, what happens is that they try to make everyone happy. Which means that not many people end up being happy. I can’t look through a single issue without wincing at least four times, and that to me isn’t particularly enjoyable. That’s just me, though.

Rabid Squirrel

Heh, sleazy, low-brow questions appeal to me greatly.

This says something about me, doesn’t it?

There is some good porn for-and-by lesbians out there–but not much. Some of the best I can think of is Sugar High, Glitter City, Hard Love & How To Fuck In High Heels, Bittersweet, The Black Glove, Clips, Full Load, Home Cookin’, and Leda & The Swan - Nailed.

I’ve seen all of these, and they’re pretty exquisite. I would even file a lot of them under erotica, as the film making is absolutely gorgeous.


andygirl covered magazines, and I covered videos.

That should do ya!


… so to speak.

Errr, thanks ladies.

::snorts with laughter::

As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks, and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?

What was the “Vela Incident”?

:wink: :smiley:

But seriously…

Did you ever see “When Night is Falling,” and if so, how’d you like it?

What’s your political leaning? Left wing? Right wing? Moderate or Centrist?

What’s the strangest question that someone’s asked you, in regards to your being a lesbian? :slight_smile:

Your use of “wife” instead of “partner” is unusual. What made you decide to do that?


29 were going to Saint Ives.

The Vela Incident was when the Vela 6911 satellite detected a nuclear explosion over either the Indian or South Atlantic ocean. The location was pinpointed later to be over Price Edward Island near South Africa, in the India Ocean. The controversy surrounding this explosion was due to the vague location and and how the explosion was apparently seen.

You must not have heard–lesbians know everything! Including the URL of Google dot com.


Yes, I’ve seen When Night Is Falling. I thought it was a beautiful film, with gorgeous filming techniques. The plot and overuse of symoblism was “meh”, but I liked it.

My political leaning is very leftist, although I have a dash of “take responsiblity for what you do”, which my wife constantly calls my “Republican evil streak”.

Strangest question ever asked–I don’t know if this should be chalked up to the strangest or the most offensive, but I find it to be both. “Why would you do that–I think you could probably get a man if you dressed nicer?” My answer was go directly to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.



“Partner” just never fit quite right in my mouth. I tried forever to call my various girlfriends that, and it always sounded forced and fake. I finally put my foot down and declared they would be girlfriends, and later on, wife. It’s not an unusal as you may think, actually–I’ve met many, many lesbians who refer to their SO as their wife.


Didn’t you see “Die Hard III”? The answer to the riddle is ONE. The only person going to St. Ives is the guy telling the riddle – he’s meeting the rest of these goobers on their way back.

Holy crap, I’m an asshole!

Dude–technically, he could have ALSO met these goobers on his way there, as they were on THEIR way there also. Wait–that would bring the number to 30, instead of 29.

Man, goddamn you guys! And goddamn not being able to edit posts!

You sneaky lesbians, with all of your sneaky lesbian logic!

Ok I have a coupla questions.

(FYI, never known an actual lesbian IRL, except for one but that was just in passing so it doesn’t count.)

Just how “wifey” is your wife?

I mean, is this the woman you’ve committed to till death do you part? Or do you call her your wife because, as you said earlier, “partner” sounds lame, but as far as the commitment thing goes, it’s iffy? Or what?

Second, why is it good to be butch?

I mean, it seems to me that lesbians don’t have the whole “gee maybe I’m a man in a woman’s body” thing going on and thus are comfortable being women and all … so why, it seems, do so many of them want to LOOK like men? Is it an attraction thing? And do butch chicks tend to pair up or do you usually get a couple in which one is butch and one is all girly?