As someone who has a six week old baby who will not latch and is currently pumping around the damn clock as a result (and supplementing with formula because I simply cannot maintain supply for a baby in the 88th percentile for weight) I say both well stated and AMEN! I nursed my first daughter for two years so I know all about breastfeeding. My second simply will not latch. I, too, have spent money on lactation consultants, breast pump rental, nursing shields, bottles, nursing bras, fenugreek, and other assorted items. Nursing is not always the cheapest option especially if your baby has problems.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve done the best you can.
My experience was that everyone and their cousin would not STFU about “just give up and switch to formula, it’ll be easier and the kid’s not going to DIE” the second I mentioned any difficulty with breastfeeding. I suspect much of this is perceptual. When you want reassurance that what you’re doing is OK (continuing to breastfeed in my case; not continuing in your case) then getting the opposite is memorably offensive.
Anyway, congratulations on the healthy happy baby.
Congrats on your new kid. Not being a woman (and wife having never having been pregnant), I’m curious:
What was the location and nature of the pain? Is it the vagina/cervix stretching to let the kid through? Is it the muscle tissue of the uterus squeezing for all it’s worth? Skeletal (I know that the mother’s connective tissue softens late in the pregnancy to allow the pubic symphysis to deform during birth)?
Was it difficult to do anything because of that pain, or did sitting up (to receive the epi) somehow make it even worse?
There were three kinds of pain. The first couple hours of labor, it was like the hugest menstrual cramps I’ve ever felt. I guess that’s cervical/vaginal pain.
Then when my daughter moved as far down as she could and got stuck, my contractions were pushing her against my pelvis. It felt like my hips were going to pop out of their sockets. This was the 9/10 pain. It was so overwhelming that I didn’t feel the other kinds of pain. I understand that while a normal labor involves some of this pain, what I was feeling wasn’t normal.
Then I got an epidural, but it made my blood pressure drop so low that they had to turn the epidural off. As it wore off, I began to feel a third kind of pain, which was intense pressure in my bottom… like an urge to have a bowel movement but a hundred times stronger. It was more a discomfort than a pain, really. But that explains what you hear about the urge to push
It was difficult for me to do anything because of the pain. By the time we got to the hospital I couldn’t walk or talk through contractions. By the time they got me to my L&D room, I tried standing/walking for about ten seconds, decided that was a crock, and got on the bed where I stayed.
I hadn’t done a self-hypnosis course or Lamaze or Bradley or anything to prepare myself. I’m not a person who panics in situations like that, and I’m pretty good at relaxation, which everyone says is key. I don’t know if I was so incapacitated by the pain because I wasn’t prepared for it, or because I… you know… dilated from 2 to 8 in a couple hours with a stuck, face-up baby.
There were a couple of things that impressed me about labor. The first is that, as bad as it sounds when people tell horror stories, when it’s actually happening it doesn’t seem so bad because there’s no mystery and no wondering and no fear. What’s happening is it, and that’s that. Somehow that makes it far easier to handle.
The other is that a woman in labor is outside of the space/time continuum. Contractions can seem to last forever, but the hours go by very quickly.
My first labor was back labor. I almost had my third baby in the parking garage of the hospital because I kept saying, “It can’t be active labor, it doesn’t hurt enough,” and we didn’t leave for the hospital until I was having contractions 3 minutes apart and feeling the urge to push. Seriously, the difference between back labor and regular labor is night and day.
I am relieved to know that I am not alone in my smouldering resentment for the ‘Nursing Nazi’s’. I will forever be grateful for the older nurse who came into my room after 3 days of unsuccessful, painful, inadequate, no sleep, breastfeeding, gave me a bottle of formula, then told me, “The goal is a happy mommy and well fed, healthy, happy baby. Screw anybody who tells you different.” God, I love her.
I also LOVED my C-section. I had two kids vaginally before a C-section with my third. Almost immediately, I could tell that a C-section is by far less painful. For about two weeks after vaginal birth, I still felt as if a double trailer semi had been driven right through my dainty bits. It hurt to pee, poop, sit, and walk. After my C section, I had one incision that would feel sharp if I moved too fast or in the wrong direction, but other than that, I was unaware of it. Not to mention, since I didn’t go through labor, the rest of my body didn’t feel as if I got beat up from the inside out.
Sattua, I’m sorry I brought on a rant. I think you went way beyond the call of duty in your attempt, and I join you in thanking God and/or the stars above for the existence of formula. I was just remembering how much I loved not shelling out all that money, and lamenting that you would miss that benefit.
Believe me, as big a nursing advocate as I am, I am way more in favor of infant survival and happy mothers. I’m sorry it affected your marriage, too.
I know babies are supposed to be born head-first, but I gather they are also supposed to be born in a particular angular orientation? If I understand correctly, baby’s face is supposed to be toward mother’s back, but in your case, your baby was facing your stomach, is that correct?
If so, is that face-up orientation what caused her to get stuck, or were there other reasons for that?
Thanks for sharing all this info; this is interesting.
We’re past it and stronger than ever now. In the thick of it, my husband felt helpless and angry on my behalf, and it drove him crazy to see me so sad all the time–he wanted to rescue both her and me by giving her formula, and I was determined to nurse, which led to friction. I think it’s not unusual for people to find that a new baby stresses their relationship in all new ways. Anyhow, we’re doing very well now, thanks
MachineElf, yes, babies are supposed to come out facing the mother’s tailbone, with the tops of their heads leading the way. My daughter was facing my stomach instead. We don’t know exactly why she was wedged in because there was no time and no need to figure out–her heart tones were so bad at the end that a c-section was a given. My daughter’s nose was squished flat when she was first born; it gradually popped back out in the first couple days of her life.
Sometimes babies can come out with their faces leading the way instead of the tops of their heads, and that causes problems.
First of all, congratulations on not having nightmares about the nightmare job any more, and best wishes for the future.
One of my last bosses is an Amelia; people call her Meli (honey) and when she got pregnant and discovered it was a girl we took to calling the baby Mela (which means apple in Italian) or Melita.
I love the pic you posted. It’s a good thing I can’t Dope from my new job, because I squeed!
My wife went through breastfeeding hell - she was determined to make it work. Many’s the night I spent on attempting to feed our boy with little tubes taped to my fingers; we tried several different lactation experts, some of which with impressive credentials and working out of reputable hospitals, others private consultants, all of whom solemly assured us that no-one who really tries ever fails to breast-feed. Which is, in need hardly be said, not true. For which advice we paid out of pocket a small fortune in fees.
Naturally I was more agnostic on the whole breastfeeding thing to start with - I thought it was great if it worked, had some health benefits, but it was my wife who was absolutely determined to do it, who made herself a mental and physical wreck in pursuit of what turned out to be a physically impossible goal. I ended up with a burning dislike of the whole passel of medical professionals who refused to acknowledge that in her case the goal was not possible and was anyway not as desireably as they clamed. I felt we had been misled to our harm and their profit.
All lovely nicknames. Unfortunately, my husband’s ex-wife was a Melissa who went by Mel, so I don’t think any of them would fly A nickname for her is kind of a problem. We don’t like “Amy” either, and somehow we’ve never got in the habit of calling her “Emmy”.
I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE MY FEET BACK! It wasn’t so much the seeing them, as the being able to fit them into shoes. For about two weeks before birth and then two weeks after, they were too swollen to fit into any shoes. I went to the hospital in my slippers. They’re deflated now, and not noticeably bigger than they were before, so I’m enjoying all of my pretty summer shoes.
Which is about all of my old stuff I can still fit into (grrrrr).
How long did it take for your joints and ligaments and such to feel normal again? I’m about 4 months now and I’m starting to get that stretchy feeling where my body is obviously softening internal stuff to make room for the baby but does not take into account that your shoulders and knees and stuff don’t need all that extra stretch. I know it is just going to keep getting worse until I feel like a marionette or something too!:mad:
Mmrrrrr… bad news for you, tootse. I still don’t feel normal. The weirdness is all in my pelvis, which (as explained above) took a beating during labor, but all of the ligaments and tendons in there definitely aren’t what they used to be. I still hobble like I’m 39 weeks after sitting down for too long, and the first mile of our morning walk is always a little ouchy. Then things get warmed up and feel better. Other mothers tell me that things there are never quite the same.
I was able to give up sleeping with a body pillow at about four weeks postpartum, though. I guess that means my knees went back to normal.
I had all 4 of my kids via C-section. (The surgeon who delivered #4 was all chirpy and excited 'cause he’d never done a FOURTH c-section on someone and he really enjoyed trying to line up all the previous incisions and scar tissue, and said is was the most fun surgery he could remember) Yea, he was a bit odd.
Anyway, the first C-section was awful. I felt like my guts would spill out every time I stood up for the first 2 weeks.
#2, no prob. I was walking normally and ready to go home on day 3.
#3 and #4 - even quicker. I was pain free the day after surgery and would have had no problems being released, were it not for other issues I had. (a nasty case of post-natal preeclampsia)
The surgeon who delivered #4 said that I could even have a 5th C-section if I got my weight down and consulted with an OB GYN that specialized in high-risk pregnancies. (Thanks but no thanks!)
Anyway I’m still rather pleased with this outcome, since most women with 4 kids in 5 years wet themselves when they sneeze but not me!! C-sections do tend to have unforeseen benefits!
C-sections do tend to have unforeseen benefits!