Ask the Protocol Droid

That is a conundrum with which the galaxy’s philosophers have long wrestled. I believe that I am sentient, and all of my masters and mistresses have treated me so. There are many who disagree.

Forgive me, but as it appears here, this is a nonsense phrase. There are subaural components to the typical Astromech droid’s vocalization which would impart some meaning to it.

Well, it’s probably not my ideal task, but I’ve had to do that from time to time, as needed. I don’t mind, actually. Some of the Corellian starships, for instance, have quite engaging personalities.

Then I am indeed fortunate.

Well, as Descartes might have said, “I think I am sentient, therefore I am sentient.”

Not a bad little sentient sentiment at all. I like it.

Are you concerned that your involvment with Elendil’s Heir could effect their chances at running for political office, given the ability of our media to bend every relationship into a scandal ?

How does our media compare to the galactic norm for media and news ?

Do you find yourself irresistably turned on by common household appliances?
For instance, have you ever taken advantage of a toaster?

“Their” chances? Although I’m not a psychdroid, I’ve seen no signs that my host suffers from multiple personalities. And since he’s happily married with three children, I hope and expect that there will be no political fallout from my brief visit with the family. Certainly he has not indicated that there might be any.

I’ve seen only the American and British media during my time on Earth, and believe it is roughly comparable to the galactic norm, except for the (very welcome, from my point of view) absence of gladiatorial combat programming or what you might call “snuff films,” which are quite popular on some worlds.

Have you ever been sexually stimulated by an amoeba? A mouse? A stoat? A dog? Don’t answer that!

The short answer is no. As I indicated earlier, I am asexual. Even if I weren’t, common household appliances on Earth - or their galactic equivalent elsewhere - are so far removed from my image of what might, hypothetically, “turn me on” as to be absurd.

I’m sorry. I was turned on by a dishwasher the other day and…

You turned it on, and then it turned you on? Interesting…

No, she was just scrubbing away in the suds and I just started feeling something.

Do you have to be programmed with all those different forms of communication, or does the Republic have universal translator technology? Are there any notable languages you don’t know?

Gee, I know a couple of Bot who were able to translate… :smiley:

Is this what you’re talking about?

http://lolbots.com/?p=74 (NSFW. Please follow proper viewing procedures.)

Both, actually. My initial programming included more than four million common languages, and the Threepio UT is sophisticated enough to translate most of the rest, as needed. With experience and learning comes greater skill in acquiring and making use of patois, slang, vernacular and so on, until one can speak idiomatically and eventually, if all goes well, indistinguishably from a native speaker.

I am aware of no notable languages that I don’t know, although I’ve found Basque to be a particularly difficult Earth language to acquire.

Um… no.

Elendil’s Heir again. W-3PO asked me to see if there are any more questions for him.

What does a protocol droid do during its downtime?