Ask the Raving Lunatic

Questions about lunacy? Concerns about the Soviet Mind-Control Worms burrowing through your dura mater right now? Ask away, and I’ll answer to the best of my ability, no matter what Richard Nixon’s re-animated corpses says. Allow some time for the responses, though, because my opposition to the ATF’s project MK SuperUltraPlusMega has resulted in my institutionalization, meaning that I have to bang out responses with my toes on a special safety keyboard. I chewed up my old keyboard when they put the straitjacket on. I have a good cure for straitjacket itch, but it involves vampires. I can’t answer any questions about vampires, because both of my parents and everyone in the US government since Calvin Coolidge’s seventeenth robotic clone was assassinated by the Space Bears and Hanna-Barbera has been a vampire. So ask away, you bloodsucking undead fiends!

eh, the rather unpopular raving lunatic. :smiley:

dives for cover

What does God smell like?

Describe the color grey, but use only one vowel.

Is snow food?

What’s my dog really saying?

Where?

I should note, Cougarfang, that any lack of popularity is due to a long campaign of slander and libel launched against me by 75th directorate of the KGB under Emeril Legasse, and as such should be dredged in flour, salted, and fried in motor oil. And don’t dive for cover like that. It reminds me of my Peace Corps service stealing heroin from starving children in North Vietnam, and that always makes Richard Nixon’s alien hybrid cranky.

Leander, all the answers you seek have been encoded on the transmitter that FEMA installed in my left kneecap and as such will reach you shortly. I suspect, however, that your repeated attempts to kill me will render the answers meaningless to you.

<<Describe the color grey, but use only one vowel. >>

slow noon snow, or fog, low.

:wink:

Corr

Act normally, don’t turn around…who is that following you?

why is it always you that sits next to me on public transport?

do you HAVE to do what the voices tell you? i mean, i respect my husband a lot, but i don’t do everything he tells me to. god, show some backbone!! the next time the voices tell you to kill president bush’s dog and mail the testicles in a jar of vodka to jenna, JUST SAY NO!!!

Why, all of them, Shibboleth. Except for that one, right there, the beady-eyed little Martian agent. He’s following you, I think.

You see, Mangetout, your personal intracranial locator beacon, a gift from the RSPCA’s GULAG division, is number Crinoline, while mine is number Taffeta. Perfectly natural affinity.

Zoot, I’m not so stupid that I listen to just any old voice. Why, most of them are just rebroadcasts of the 1956 Olympics, specifically the Archery event. But when Jerry Falwell is wearing a vinyl gimp suit, jumping up and down and screaming orders at me in his native Cantonese, I don’t have any choice but to obey, even if I don’t understand what he’s saying. Wouldn’t you? Ask President Bush to stop it, I mean?

So, is raving lunatic, like, a full time job?
What about vacation time?
And do you get benefits?

And also, do get to take smoke breaks, so you can stop raving for a bit?

mmmmmm I’m sorry I took the money!

Hey you! Yeah, you… I know what you really are. I can’t prove it, but I’m on to you. ::glares::

Raving Lunatic is a full time job only if you do it right, and I pride myself on thoroughly thwarting the goals of the NASA/Zionist/Bavarian Illuminati alliance that threatens our rights this very minute. These sorts of oppressive figures don’t ever take vacations, so I cannot slack in my mission to thoroughly reveal the terrible things they’re doing to white-cheeked gibbons the world over.

Oh, and I would appreciate it if NASA agents and apologists would not ask me those sorts of filthy, filthy questions. It was that way when I found it, and that’s all I’m saying, you perverted lying nazi fascists.

Good thread.

So, did you take lessons from the Master?

(No, not that Master; in this case I mean those genii of the “Dead Milkmen.”)

:D:D:D

So can you prove you’re crazy?

Yeah, show us your nuts! :smiley:

Which would be worse: to have a dog shit in your mouth, or the color green on Wednesday? Appendages and Nun’s Priests don’t count.

Proof that I’m crazy? You’ve got me a bit confused there. I never claimed to be crazy, just a raving lunatic. I think I’ve proven that I can rave incoherently in a fair capacity, and you’ll just have to believe me about my affinity for the moon. I’d like to go there one day, and I think that man will walk on the moon when the NASA death robots are moved out of the way. From the sound of it, you’d have access to my secret Agriculture Department file anyway, which would contain the full psychological evaluations they obtained when they abducted me with their flying Combine and hypnotized me to find out what I knew about their sworn enemies, the National Institute of Standards and Technology.

How do you know you are not the defective clone of a CIA operative?

Who took the most archery medals in the '56 Olympics?

Have you or your baby mouse toes ever read Tom Robbins?

Are you Tom Robbins?

He writes with a bit of lunacy & definately has a thing for the moon.

Can’t wait for your next book… I know who you are…