I may have missed something earlier… are you saying that the hormones lowered your strength more than they should have, or just down to the proportionate strength of a cis female? Does Fierra have similar issues carrying the same size bags of litter?
I cannot factually answer that question. Fierra at only 96 pounds does seem to be quite a bit stronger then me in some ways - she can, for example, pick up and carry that 40-pound sack of cat litter. But then I can work on the tennis courts longer, and sometimes I seem stronger in total. I honestly don’t know. I do know I’ve never in my life been as weak as I am now, although according to the three doctors handling my case, I reputedly have the bloodwork (lipids, cardiac factors, liver and kidneys, etc.) of a teenage woman. And depending on what time of day they draw my blood, the hormones of about 3-4 14 year-old girls.
They are a little wondering about why I lost so much strength. Despite having larger hands than Fierra (about average for a cisgender woman of my height) I either need Fierra to open jars and bottles for me, or I use a special tool to do it. :smack:
As a tall cisgender woman who can carry heavy stuff but still needs my husband to open jars - there’s always sticking a blunt knife or spoon edge under the jar ridge and prying/twisting to break the seal. 
In my restaurant working days, we used to bang jars under the lip of the lid against the big stainless steel countertops, but obviously that’s occasionally just asking for Bad Things to happen.
Heh!
We have grippy things, prying tools, and a special tool for opening stuck 2-liter bottle caps.
It’s…depressing and a bit scary at times how weak I can be. I’m getting used to it, but I have to be careful I don’t overextend myself.
Hi Una, I’m trans and currently trying to gather the courage to speak to my family about it. I’m out to my friends and at college, but family is so much scarier, partly because of the older generation’s lack of awareness about trans people. Do you know of any useful print-outs or books that might help get my family informed?
Hello Kiyoshi!
There was a book earlier I linked to which our psychology team often gives to parents, which is Transgender Explained for Those Who Are Not. Another book is an autobiography, which in my experience most parents won’t read, but it’s decent overall. It’s She’s Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan.
Very often when you come out to parents they don’t want more information. Even if they are generally positive, often times they aren’t really that positive, and they don’t want to hear any more about it. Maybe they’re hoping it’s a fad you will grow out of.
If you are in counseling, you know that your counselor will almost certainly sit and talk to your parents. Also, see if there is a SOFFA group in your area (“Significant Others, Family, Friends, and Allies”) which is a pro-trans mutual help and discussion group which meets only with cisgender persons to discuss and help each other out with a loved one’s transition.
This is actually the bravest thing I’ve posted yet…this is my voice.
My voice is a source of deep shame and embarrassment to me, like it is to many transpeople, female and male. Mostly us girls, because it’s far easier to make your voice go down than up. It’s probably best if you listen to them from top to bottom.
These were recorded on my iPhone yesterday and today. I’ve not edited them in any way. There is an electronic skip/stutter in two of the messages; I have no idea why.
Sigh. I know I’m going to regret this, but I think it’s more important folks know what people like me deal with, than my having vanity.
This is my normal voice when I’m fresh in the morning.
This is my normal voice when I’m tired. I become a bit “breathy.”
Your female voice sounds perfectly fine to me Una. Your male voice sounds very male. The first female voice actually sounded higher than the 2nd one, but the second one sounds quite in the normal range for a female. I’m not sure that 2nd voice is all that much different from mine at times.
Very fascinating thread overall. I’ll confess, I don’t fully understand the issue of transgenderism, in terms of understanding that the body is one way but the brain says something else. I’ve tended to consider it a psychological issue at best. I think I’ve started to understand it better in the last few years, but I’m not fully there yet.
I think you have quite the lovely voice - I can’t imagine the effort it takes to go from your boy to girl voice - but I think that your girl voice is quite nice and easy to listen to.
I hate the way my voice sounds when recorded and how it must sound to others over the phone - to me locally, it sounds ‘normal’ - but when I hear it I have a hard time believing its ‘me’.
Again, I’ll just say I think you have a lovely voice -
I agree with computergeek in that your “tired” voice sounds more in the normal female range - while both sound perhaps a bit “put-on”, I wouldn’t automatically assume that the speaker was a male.
Once again, thank you for your strength in putting yourself out here (and in the larger world) as an example of a person who is not only doing what she needs to in order to be herself, but is working very hard to help others achieve that goal.
Oh my God, me too with my recorded voice and how my voice must sound to others. I also hate the way I look in pictures. Self-criticism you know.
I got to speak with my trans friend’s mother and although she was doing her best and still talking with her new daughter (her father does not speak to her) she said “I wish I had Bob back but I’m just going to have to learn how to love this new daughter in my life.”
I understand where she’s coming from but it’s still difficult for me to wrap my friend’s transition around my head. When we met for that lunch and she said “Bob wasn’t a real person” I got mad. Of course Bob was real. We were friends for more than twenty years and I’ve got some great memories of time spent with Bob. How dare you tell me he wasn’t real! And then I felt bad because my friend had been living in pain for so many years and I had absolutely no clue.
Anyway, from the one person I know the father isn’t in speaking terms with his trans daughter but she still has a relationship with her siblings and mother. And she has a great bunch of friends she grew up with and I don’t know a single one of them who rejected her when she told us. Part of me wishes I still had Bob back I can’t deny that. But I don’t want Bob back if it means Carol has to be miserable.
*names changed of course.
And, Una Persson, thanks for starting this thread and posting your voice. I hope this thread has been as cathartic for you as it has been enlightening for a lot of us. As diverse as the human experience is it’s nice to be reminded that we all deserve to be treated with respect, kindness and understanding.
I’ve always respected you for your knowledge and wit on the Straight Dope. Without ever really thinking about it, I’ve also always thought of you as a woman (and felt a sense of pride at having a female engineer posting here). I had noticed that your posts sounded happier in the past year or so, and I’m really glad for you.
Your voice sounds fine to me in all its iterations, but I have a hard time judging the tenor or tone or whatever in your last recording, because your message is so touching and inspiring. Thank you for having the courage (and the patience) to start and continue this thread.
All samples except #3 sound quite female to me, and I would certainly identify them as such on the phone. Your voice doesn’t sound “ugly” or particularly odd in any way. You sound perhaps a bit hoarse, but no more than if you perhaps had been cheering at a concert or something. There are plenty of ciswomen of my acquaintance who have less mellifluous voices than yours.
I don’t think your voice is bad at all. Honestly, I think you’re being too critical of yourself. I mean…if you aren’t happy with it, and want to put the effort in to change it to something that you think fits better, go for it. But know that if I heard that voice out of the blue, I would NOT think “What’s wrong with that voice,” or even “There’s something just a bit off here…”
I do think it sounds a little older than the pictures make you look. That might be maturity coming through in your mannerisms. I’m not really good at breaking something like that down. But it’s definitely a woman’s voice.
Also, add me to the list of people who hate to hear their own voice.
(bolding mine)
get a new ‘word of the day’ calendar, did you?
Your tired voice, again from the perspective of a cisgender female, sounds very ‘normal’ and natural to me. Maybe that’s because I’m an alto and have been since I was a teenager! So for me, I totally relate to how you’re speaking in that clip.
I agree with those who think you’re being very hypercritical of your own voice, partially like everyone does with their own reaction to their recorded voice, partially because for you it’s part of your identity.
Another vote for “your voice sounds fine, Una!”
I’m not sure I’m phrasing this in a non-offensive enough way, but here goes.
Do you find yourself feeling the need to do things that are more “girly” than you might otherwise want to, to come across more as a woman? For example, I remember that you mentioned high-heeled shoes and makeup-- but even though I know they’re expected of me sometimes, I’m pretty thoroughly apathetic towards makeup, and I’ve rejected high heeled shoes entirely.
Voice is great, all of them.
First voice, we both( G&C ) said, sounds just like ( older sister of mine. )
Second voice, we said the same but ( added one of my younger sisters too. )