Una: I’m glad you have so much time to devote to this thread. You want to talk about fighting ignorance? This thread is fucking epic! Totally epic.
I was in a manufacturing facility about 12 years ago, and someone pointed out another employee and said: “That used to be a guy! Now he’s a female!” Hahahahah. He thought it was funny. I didn’t know what to think.
I do know what to think now though. Thank you for educating me.
Thank you! 
And that is inspiring to me.
Una, I dropped by just to say…
… I know that sometimes you get tired of the same old questions, the same issues, typing the same post over and over. I get it. But I think it’s some of the most valuable stuff you do, not just for transwomen but for everyone else, too.
All too often all we see are the basket cases, in no small part because that’s what the media dwells on. They sell more cornflakes with trainwrecks. You, however, are a successful, happily married, well adjusted transwoman with a great career. That’s not to minimize the horrific crap that you have been through, some of which you’ve detailed in this very thread. The point is you can be a successful, well-adjusted transwoman as opposed to part of the Jerry Springer Freak Show.
That is so important.
It makes transgender people far less frightening. It makes transgender people far more normal. It shows that transgender people aren’t just freaks and sideshows but people doing ordinary things in ordinary ways.
And, thank you for taking the time to repeat yourself. I like to think that I’m starting to understand the topic, but I didn’t start as a paragon of understanding and tolerance. Given how I was raised and the initial information I was given about transgender people how could I be? It’s because people such as yourself were willing to put yourself out there, repeatedly go over and over and over the same questions, take outrageous abuse from trolls, and all the rest of it, that people such as myself who were willing to open our minds and learn were able to do so.
So now, instead, of running away from someone transgender (which, I am sad to say, I really did some 30 years ago on meeting some poor person just starting a transition, someone I had to work with during a temporary job who I simply never could look in the face) I can treat them with the same respect and courtesy I do everyone else, without fear and with considerably less ignorance that I used to.
What I’m saying is that all the repetition and abuse is WORTH IT because it is WORKING - you really are educating people and changing hearts and minds. Because of you, and others like yourself, the next generation is going to have a better world and you yourself will have a better world in your old age.
So, again, thank you for fighting the good fight. Sure, I completely understand that sometimes you want to take a break from it all and will stop commenting in threads on the topic from time to time. I’ll miss your contributions on those occasions but because you have done such a good job there are others who can take on that burden when you need a rest.
You done good, girl!
Now stop being so damn self-critical, go out, and have a great rest of your life!
Una, going with what Broomstick said, I’m pretty sure if you feel like taking a break, TPTB here would be willing to temporarily close this thread.
I know I have tons of advantages most intersex and transgender persons don’t. The primary one being a spouse who not only supports and stayed with me, she was attracted to me originally because I was “different.” People like Fierra are vanishingly rare and special.
It’s why I do what I do. Why I put my neck on the line again and again to appear in public to make my speeches and presentations, to talk to the educators and HR departments, to meet with kids, adults, business owners, etc. I want it to be such that the next time someone hears about a transgender person or meets one, they don’t think of monstrosities like Hedwig or Frankenfurter, they think “oh, like Una. She seemed pretty ok, maybe this person is ok too.”
You understand better than you think. I mean at least academically; I don’t know your feelings and it is a bit different to be me than to discuss me…
Thank you for that.
Repetition isn’t so bad; but sometimes I worry about misremembering something and being given the “gotcha ya!” card. Like if I say I went to a meeting in November and someone says “aha! In post number 342 you said it was August! Decepticon!” Sometimes I mess up details because I simply do so many things now.
I wish I could post a little on other topics, but here on the SDMB, this is my place. The board probably needs a one-trick trans pony to answer these questions, so put the bridle and bit on me…wait, that was last April’s party… 
Now that was funny. Way to go Una.
Thank you for what you do, Una. I like to think I’ve always been accepting of transpeople - even as a little kid, “some people feel like girls even if they were born boys” sounded completely reasonable to me - but you’ve opened my eyes to so many little things I’ve been thinking about the wrong way round, and you’ve helped me be a better ally. Keep up the good work - you are making the world better, you really are.
Oh, and in other news, Dan savage got an almost identical question to the Prudie one from last week. This person reacted a whole lot better, but no less heartbreaking for the transman I bet. Thoughts?
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=19185449
Una, that was YOUR compliment, not Fierra’s although we all know she’s an absolutely wonderful and exceptional person. Give yourself credit - Fierra loves you because you are lovable. Own your own success, Og knows you’ve worked hard for it.
All the advantages in the world won’t do squat if you squander them or don’t do the work to get to your goal. You could have become a horribly bitter person. You didn’t. You could have blamed every failure and disappointment on being intersex or transgender but you didn’t, you found a way to get where you were going despite some huge problems the rest of us don’t have.
If you’re successful, loved, accepted and all the rest it’s also because YOU did a lot of hard work under very difficult circumstances. Congratulations, life is currently better than ever.
Hi Una,
I just heard very recently that one of the kids I would be taking to Romania this year is a trans girl. We go on an annual trip with secondary school kids to work in an orphanage in Romania, and I am the female adult of the trip.
But now I’ve just heard that I can’t go. Which sucks, because I really wanted to make sure that everything would be great for her and that she would always be 100% welcomed among the girls. Romania is pretty…err… backward about… well… everything. (Not joking, in the village we go to it has been through our work these last 10 years that the villagers have stopped throwing literal rocks at the disabled children.) The other people she’s going with are a fantastic lot, including a former police inspector for the vice department who is very protective. The students from our school are really supportive too. But it means that the female adult going along in my place is a very, very young girl with no experience working with kids/teenagers.
I want to impress upon her how important it is for her to make it clear, mainly to the Romanians, that this girl is one of us, that she belongs with the girls and that this is not to be questioned. There is going to be one swimming pool changing room situation where I will ask her to be extra protective and vigilant. I will also ask her, because I know that this will come up, to tirelessly correct the personal pronouns.
(Sorry for making it long, I am upset that I can’t go in general, plus now worried about her.)
So now my question: what would be the quickest resource I could access to help this young woman who suddenly has the added responsibility of supporting a trans girl? I would love to let her read this thread, but I like my anonymity here. Do you know a good article, or perhaps a website of resources? It doesn’t need to convince her that this girl is really a girl, or anything like that, but rather something from which she might be able to draw should she need to defend her, and something that will make her understand the importance of defending her personal pronouns, that sort of thing. Like… a website for teachers? Something like that?
I’m sorry this is such a ramble. I know you have previously mentioned other reading materials in this thread, but I remember those as being mostly books? Any resources you might know of would be of great value and any further advice, as always, much appreciated.
Somewhat of a hijack, but do most people see Hedwig as a monstrosity?
I never felt that way - I’ve always been this uncomfortable mix of totally appalled at her circumstances and treatment and impressed with her grit and determination.
Thank you Septima!
The answer is OK…I mean a lot of it really comes down to the opinion of the person responding, and they’ve picked someone from the community who has their own opinion. Although I raised my eyebrows at the “penis” comment, as I’m not sure where the person answering is going there.
The situation is sad again, yes. At least it’s very unlikely for a transman to face serious physical harm or death from a lover or potential lover who discovers that they are transgender.
I am very impressed by your protectiveness, and I think it’s very admirable.
Yes. In traveling in a place like that, the “t-word” needs to be banned completely. There cannot be any hint that she is transgender.
My advice? No swimming this trip. Seriously, I cannot impress upon you enough how bad it could get in a place like Romania if the wrong person sees or finds out about the right thing. I have read stories of many bad situations, especially if the police are called. If the police show up they will shrug a lot and throw the transgirl into a holding cell with men out of general principles.
The adults on the trip, the chaperones, need to be jumping on this. Kids will often not be forward enough to do it, especially if misgendering is being used as a bullying tactic. I’m imagining a situation where a Romanian who understands English hears some kids referring to the transgirl as “he” when she goes to change for the pool…or to the bathroom.
I confess this question has caught me flat-footed (and in my 3-inch green velvet heels today, too). I am going to ask my good friend, the “tiger mom” parent of a transgirl for suggestions and get back to you.
As it happens, this has been a recent topic of conversation in my community, and I would say it breaks down like this:
Transgender women: 3/4 think it’s great to OK, 1/4 think it’s poor or a monstrosity, even hate media.
Transsexual women: 1/4 think it’s great to OK, 3/4 think it’s poor or a monstrosity, even hate media.
I have a few opinions on why that is, but I think it boils down to when every minute of every day you must live and work and move through Society as a transwoman, you are much more sensitive of any potentially negative media portrayal. Whereas a majority of transgender people are not currently transitioning, and might never.
Oh, darn. I though I had a handle on this, and I know you explained it before, but I just can’t find it (I tried) - which term is transgender and which is transsexual again? Transgender is someone who has fully transitioned, and transsexual is not? And “trans” is short for “transgender”?
I was convinced they were more or less interchangeable terms - darn, I suck at this labeling stuff.
I know “transvestite” is a het male crossdresser, not a transwoman. And a “drag queen” is a showbiz term for a gay male “female impersonator” (which has a really fascinating history all of its own, going waaaay back).
Please - once more for the slow kid? Which is transgender and which is transsexual?
Gracer, does the trans girl completely pass or is she often misgendered? Are the other students and adults good about pronouns? If yes and yes, she’ll have a much easier time.
I agree with Una on swimming. Not that she’s likely to change in front of anyone. It’s just that a lot of trans kids have trouble with swim suits, especially wet ones.
Telling the Romanians that she belongs with the girls might raise issues that never would have occurred to them. If you can talk some of the girls into getting crew cuts, you might just confuse everyone enough on gender that no one will ask. I’m mainly kidding, but I got tossed out of Mexican women’s rooms from time to time because my hair was so short and I’m tall.
Here’s a link to PFLAG’s resources for transgender teens: Homepage - PFLAG.
Transgender means that a person’s mental gender does not match their body gender.
A transsexual is a transgender person who takes active steps to change their social, legal, and physical status to be that of their new gender.
Correct, I’m thinking that the trans girl probably doesn’t have breasts, she may have visible genitals through the suit, she may have much more body hair, she will have thin hips and wide shoulders, unless she was a blocker baby. I cannot see any possible positive outcome from her swimming.
And my tired brain just came up with “Can’t she just say she’s on her period and be excused from svimming.” ?
What? If she’s gonna be a girl, she gets to use our tricks :D.
(I’m not being serious here, that sounds like a really scary situation. I hope you can get that swimming cancelled, gracer)
Edit: thanks for the refresher vocab lesson, Una. I think I get it now.
Actually, the “period trick” might just be the ticket…
That’s a clever excuse, actually.
All transsexuals are transgender (barring something which would be incredibly rare, such as a person changing sex without having a gender misalignment, I guess if they were hiding from the Mob…?)
Estimates vary wildly, very wildly, even among scientific researchers, but IMO the most accurate figures are that about 1 in 300 to 1 in 500 persons has some misalignment between their brain and body gender which is significant enough to count them as being transgender.
Whereas about 1 in 5,000 to 1 in 10,000 persons has gender dysphoria severe enough that they will seek medical help and transition socially, legally, and physically, and be transsexual. So at greatest, only 1 in 10 transgender persons is a transsexual, and at least 1 in 20.
Now if you want to talk about the number of intersex people…the Intersex Society of America claims that maybe 1 in 100 Americans has some physical condition (hormonal, genetic, etc.) which qualifies them as “intersex.” My condition is relatively mild. Folks who are severely intersex fall into the range of 1 in 10,000 or fewer.