(I HOPE this is the right place for such a thread, if not, please move).
Well! Anything you want to know about funerals, burial laws, the embalming process (to a certain point), cremation, financial, and funeral directors, just ask moi!
And I’ll ask my Daddy!
I once lived above a funeral home, btw.
How common is the old ‘steal the watch and jewelry from the corpse before you bury him’ that you always see in movies?
When your dad wrestled Sting for the WCW world title, did he know that the folding chair would be his undoing?
This is probably a rather ghoulish question, but is it true that corpses occasionally move after they are dead? And is death any less of a mystery to you than it might be to some of the rest of us, since you have known it more closely than most of us?
If I am a narcoleptic alcoholic but I’m not 7, can I still watch Batman 1 and 2 without kicking the bucket?
Oooh, that reminds me. How do you feel about Monty Python’s parrot sketch? Does it mock the dead?
And what is the best way to treat the dead? Burn them, bury them, or dump them?
You forgot eating them…
“I think we’ve got an eater!”
“Right, I’ll get the oven on.”
Has anyone ever brought a dog to a funeral and asked it to play dead?
Has anyone ever tastelessly slapped a bumper sticker on the coffin that read “I’d Rather Be Breathing”?
Anyone ever put a lit cigarette in the deceased’s mouth?
Have you ever seen anyone put a pair of shoes under the coffin?
How about asking the widow to pose for a picture with her arm around the corpse, and then after a problem, say that the camera doesn’t work because the batteries are dead?
Just wondering… 
Actually, what I would really like to know is this:
If the deceased has had an autopsy, is it true that they just stuff everything back inside and then sew it up? And if the eyes are donated, are implants put in the sockets?
Seriously. I’ve always wondered about those things.
How many times have you heard that, though she was the undertaker’s daughter, any man cadaver?
RTA-GROAN!..no, I’ve heard that when I get home, I must be dead tired…:rolleyes: that’s the worst one so far.
I don’t know about any of these, my guess would be no for the more outlandish ones, but I’ll ask my dad.
(Sorry it took me so long…too many threads to wade through…)
If I wanted to buy a coffin, would I have to be dead? Or can anyone get one?
Guinastasia you are nearly an “Incredible String Band” album! (The Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter.)
Does your Dad make a pretty good living being an undertaker?
I remember being quite shocked at how expensive my father-in-law’s funeral was. How much of that goes to the undertaker?
Also, what kind of qualifications does a guy need to do that professionally? Is this like a four-year course of study?
Did (or do) your dates get kind of creeped out by what your Dad does?
I read somewhere (don’t ask where) that Necrophilia is actually “more common” than people would like to believe. That is a pretty open ended statement, but have you ever heard of it happening through the business end? As opposed to hearing from the News or Net?
So are you asking her if she has ever heard of someone doing anal on a corpse?
But Bernse wouldn’t the necrophiliacs first have to break doors and windows in order to gain access to the funeral parlour? Not that I exactly see the attraction anyway, but I suppose they do exist.
Oh, sad! I was reflecting on the fact that, for a thread that started fairly flippantly, Guinastasia has found that many of us (being quite removed from the reality of corpses these days) do indeed have some questions to ask. I just wish my few brain cells hadn’t expressed it as “oh, Guinastasia has opened up a whole can of worms here.”
FWIW, when working in the (U.K.) Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food, I received a telephone call from a person wishing to know about the legality of sea burials. It seems that he was a trainee funeral director, rather than an individual wishing to carry out a home-spun burial process, and I imagine that there must be quite a bit of a learning process involved, even leaving aside the important stuff about delicacy in dealing with the bereaved etc. (I was not remotely the appropriate person to ask, which is the reason I found this question memorable.)
What’s the going rate for passage along the River Styx these days? It used to be a penny, but is it now a Sacky gold dollar?
Haven’t had many dates…
YOu go to college, and I think then you just need about four years…and an associate’s degree.
As far as money-no, funeral directors don’t make much at all, unless they’re a supervisor. Trust me, all that money is NOT going into my dad’s pocket.
Necrophilia-please, don’t EVEN go there. I had enough cracks about necrophilia directed at me in high school (when everyone found out what my dad did), to last me a life time.
NO I DON’T BLOW DEAD PEOPLE, AND NEITHER DOES MY DAD!!!
I DID live above a funeral home when I was little, however.
(Shit, Dad went to bed…I’ll ask him tomorrow…)
Not if they’re already inside. That movie Kissed was about a mortician (sp?) that was a necrophiliac.
And no, obfusciatrist, I wasn’t talking about that business end! The business end as an insider litterally in the “business” of the dead is what I meant. I got a kick out of that though!
Thanks… I didn’t even bother doing a search on that since its not really a subject I thought much about until Guinastasia made her offer.