I agree- both with the “it’s possible” and the “it can be very difficult” parts. I was a low-bottom drunk & junkie who got sober via a hospital’s rehab program (30 days plus aftercare plus a shitload of AA meetings). It can be done- I have been sober for almost 18 years- but you have to want it more than anything else, every day. Otherwise, you get a case of the “fuck-its” one morning and all your previous hard work can go down the drain if you aren’t vigilant.
Sometimes we drunks make gentle fun of you “normie” spouses and family members, that you must be the truly sick ones, to stick with us. But honestly, you are the strongest, most loving, and toughest people around. Hopefully you are also smart enough to do what’s best for yourself when the time comes (hard to tell when exactly that is, I know).
My mother was an alcoholic for years (I’ll get to the “was” part soon). Tipsy by 10 a.m., drunk and sleeping by noon. She went to in-patient rehab so many times I lost count, one year for three different stints. My dad is a farmer so has much occasion to be outside, which was his only, albeit temporary, respite. Of course, he’d get his stuff done, come in the house and mom would be drunker than when he left. She fell numerous times, breaking several pairs of eyeglasses, knocking out teeth. She’d have bruises all over. We would have occasional breaks fresh out of rehab where she’d be good. She’d lose the abdominal bloating, only to fall off the wagon again.
Three years ago in April, mom had a stroke. I can only think it was directly attributable to the drinking (and QtM, or any other doctor, feel free to chime in here). She got to the hospital in the nick of time (considering they live probably 25 miles away) and got that injection - can’t remember the name of the drug - in time, but between the lasting effects of the stroke combined with withdrawal, it was a very rough few days. She hasn’t had a drink since, doesn’t even think of it, but her mental capacity is hugely diminished. The “upside” is that dad has his companion back. She is very sweet and docile. I have no doubts she would be dead today if not for that stroke.
Hi all…
So sorry to hear all of these stories! Mine is from a different perspective. I’ve been dating a widower whose wife was an depressed alcoholic for 14 years and he abruptly ended our relationship last night. no one saw this coming as we were in love …even though it has only been 8 months since her passing. He felt like he lost her in 2000. Anyway, the other night we had wine like we always do and I had an empty stomach. He accused me of changing my personality and being loud etc. I had a few girlfriends over so we were being silly but nothing crazy! Also, I’m ADHD and have been working on my messy habits as I want to be organized like him etc. he out of the blue called me broken and I had tendencies of being an addict and went on about how he refuses to fix anyone else and doesn’t trust I will change. We are so good together that everyone calls us the dream couple…he also called me a drunk! I haven’t had a sip since due to the shock of it all. I don’t miss it a bit. I’m so distraught as he turned on me with no warning. He adored and loved me 3 days ago. I admit I should have followed through and cleaned my car etc. but we have been so busy playing, traveling etc. and following in love. everyone does that the first 3 months…I kept apologizing and saying I’ll get to it I promise but life has been nuts! Anyway…does anyone have readings, advice, document ion or anything on widowers moving on romantically after losing a spouse to addiction? Thanks for help…my heart is shattered. Namaste…E
no one saw this coming as we were in love …even though it has only been 8 months since her passing. He felt like he lost her in 2000. Anyway, the other night we had wine like we always do and I had an empty stomach. He accused me of changing my personality and being loud etc. I had a few girlfriends over so we were being silly but nothing crazy! Also, I’m ADHD and have been working on my messy habits as I want to be organized like him etc. he out of the blue called me broken and I had tendencies of being an addict and went on about how he refuses to fix anyone else and doesn’t trust I will change. We are so good together that everyone calls us the dream couple…he also called me a drunk! I haven’t had a sip since due to the shock of it all. I don’t miss it a bit. I’m so distraught as he turned on me with no warning. He adored and loved me 3 days ago. I admit I should have followed through and cleaned my car etc. but we have been so busy playing, traveling etc. and following in love.