Ask the woman doing EMDR therapy for PTSD

In My Humble Opinion
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Thanks, guys. I do love posting here but the frequency with which I post can also be a pretty strong barometer of my mental health. When it gets excessive and I start feeling emotionally entangled, I need to step away.

I think it has improved but I’ve also learned to accept it as not perfect. Merlin is no longer spraying every day, but he still sprays periodically. I love both of my cats. I’m trying to enjoy Merlin while he’s still here and think of him more like an elderly person who gets confused and can’t help having accidents. Abomination is going through some health problems including some kind of skin allergy, and he recently had surgery. He’s not acting his usual troublemaking self, so I’m just trying to get him feeling better.

I started crying in PT yesterday (I was left alone for a bit) because the magnitude of all the work I’m facing both emotionally and physically really started to sink in, and man, I am tired of this shit. I’m going to start a new kind of PT concurrent to this one, plus probably do the laparoscopic surgery (I’m meeting with the doctor today to decide), and then once all of that is resolved I’ll be going back to EMDR. It’s a lot of shit! It was a normal and healthy reaction, I think, to the exhausting work that lays ahead. I can either keep going on business as usual or put my nose to the grindstone and deal with the short-term pain of work to gain some emotional freedom and physical health in the long run. I might get discouraged and overwhelmed but one thing I’ll give me is that I’m capable of picking myself up, over and over, and carrying on.

I think perfection is an impossible goal, which you can know cognitively but it’s really starting to sink in on a visceral level. I’m dealing with a lot of competing priorities, from my personal medical health to general fitness and nutrition, consistently taking my meds, my job, my novel, and more. I get quickly overwhelmed which I now at least recognize as a symptom of ADD. As my old friend and fitness coached said, “You can only have one number one priority.” Having to choose one thing for all time is just too mentally taxing. Instead of asking myself “What’s my number one priority (in life)?” I need to ask “What’s my number one priority today?”

Or hell, even in 'this particular hour.

62

ALLRIGHT!

Where’s my confetti and glitter smiley? I want a confetti and glitter smiley!

Well. No confetty and glitter. Have some duckies.
Remember: we do what we can with the resources at hand. Nobody can do more than what we can do, ok?

And ADD or not, we all have times when we frankly couldn’t care less about world peace, the environment or our most loved ones, because we have to go pee naow!

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I’ve read what you’ve shared with great interest, because my partner has complex PTSD, and in recent years, with intensive therapy, has been learning coping skills like yours. It’s a long, tough road, but he’s finally getting unstuck and is a changed man. It takes incredible strength to work through this, and I admire you. Please make sure you copy/paste your posts and keep them, for your own perspective, and because one day you may want to put things together for a book that could help a lot of people.