Now I’m laughing.
Thanks Mom!
So, since you’ve been gone I’ve spent some time trying to understand you better. It seemed to me that you worked so hard for most of your life and that you were never really happy. Dad expected so much of you and never expressed appreciation for what you did (at least not in front of us). I mean, you held down a full-time outside job, then came home, cooked dinner (at least we kids did clean up after dinner when we got old enough), did laundry and ironing (at least we kids did learn to do our own ironing when we got old enough), and kept the house spotless (my sister was supposed to help with the housework but she sucked at it). All of this while living with type I diabetes, diagnosed when you were around 30. When I think of you I get an image of anxiety and trepidation. Your favorite thing seemed to be reading, but you got precious little time to do it.
Sorry I didn’t spend more time thinking about this when you were still alive. Can you tell me any more about yourself now than you did before?
Mom, why don’t girls think farts are funny?
Hey Mom! Why do I look like the mailman?
Back then there wasn’t all this focus on being “happy”, like there is today. Searching for happiness was for hippies. My job as a woman was to keep a home, make my husband’s life easier, and to raise good children. I did my job and then some. That was good enough for me.
Sup mother…I’d like to ask you why you won’t just sell that stupid house that’s been vacant for the past 5 years and stop being all greedy rage bitch about wanting to fix up something you’ll never fix because you are too lazy all because you want every single little penny it’s worth from it? Just sell it!!
[quote=“Morgenstern, post:23, topic:736737”]
Mom, why don’t girls think farts are funny?
[/QUOTE]Oh, Morgenstern. Is this how you spend your time on the internet? You could be using this wonderful resource to connect with long-lost relatives, or learning a second language, but no. You watch fart videos. I thought I raised you better than that.
I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate, son, but just wait until your father gets home!
It’s not that I’m too lazy, it’s that nobody ever helps me!! You could come over after work or on the weekends but you don’t care about me! After all I’ve done for you!
My uncle told me that my father didn’t die from a heart-attack, but he died from a broken heart, because you were having an affair with the man whom you married after my father died. Oh, and why are the neighbor wives “jealous” of you?
Mom, did you really take Rex to that farm in the country when I was small?
And do you really wear combat boots?
Mistakes were made. Let’s not live in the past.
Of course I took Rex to that farm! I just got a call from the farmer the other day, in fact. Rex is still there and happy as can be.
I have a wide variety of footwear. The combat boots are really roomy and comfortable on my corns.
So, Mom, that story about getting drunk off wine so badly that you never drank wine again, the story about you and your many, many siblings (mostly male) pooping off the barn rafters into a can (like a bullseye but harder) … how close was that to the birth of my oldest sibling’s conception date? The one with the father that isn’t talked about and who was born 4 months after you turned 16. Back in the 50’s.
Little pitchers have big ears.
Mom, I have a serious question that needs to be answered to quell my torment.
If I don’t keep my cat’s bowl full of kibble will she attack me while I am asleep?
I need to run to the grocery store soon.
Mom, listen, I really need to know.
How the heck did you manage to feed 4 kids lunch with 1 can of Campbell’s condensed soup and fill all our bowls?? Is that why I hate tomato soup so much? But you did it with chicken noodle too!!
And how did you make 1 small can of tuna stretch to make 4 tuna sandwiches, or 5 if Dad wanted one?
And why was there always 1 big bite out of every sandwich you ever served?
And was Kool-Aid really too expensive for us and we should drink water?
Thanks, Mother (that’s what I call you), for all you did to care for me, and feed me, and clean up after me, and help me with homework, and intercede with Father when you had to, and send me out into the world knowing that I was loved. We don’t always agree on everything, and sometimes I’m frustrated by… well, never mind. You’re still the best.
XOXOX
Mom, would you be upset if I told you I had dated your sister? More than once?
HOw many times did us kids walk in on you and Dad doing the wild thing when we were little?
How about you worry about Mistymage and I’ll worry about me?
Don’t you have homework to do?