So offer the others 100 bucks each, too. I mean, I don’t know how many people you had working there, but the way to make sure they know that this guy asked to be paid after the fact is for you and your husband to say “Joe came to us the next day and asked us to pay him, and that made us think that maybe other people also thought we were paying, and so we want to give you 100 bucks, the same as we gave him.”
9 out of 10 people will tell you hell no, put that away, and you will have let them know why you paid him and not them.
As to what to do with the guy I’ve decided to name Joe: You pay him. I’d be inclined to think he must really need the money to come asking for it, and it’s definitely not worth making a big deal over, and maybe creating bad feelings at your husband’s work. And then you keep in mind for next time (or the next time he asks for a favor) that he’s a guy that doesn’t do favors, he expects to be paid.
IMHO the guy really had no business asking for money.
It’s pretty well known up front that if a friend or co-worker asks for some help you either 1) Go help out and maybe someday they’ll return the favor, or 2) don’t go and help if it’s not your thing.
And if I were your husband I’d spread the word to his other co-workers not to ask this guy for help in the future since he’ll come knocking on your door later asking for cash.
I know it seems like a lot. It is a big job, the biggest thing we have ever asked for help for. But honestly, between our friends and family we easily have enough experience to build a house. My husband and his friends have gutted and remodeled kitchens and bathrooms and stuff. And we would never ask for help doing somthing that he wasn’t willing to do also. He has already done 2 roofs for other people.
That’s a good idea. It was only 2 other co-workers, the rest are close friends and family that I know for sure would never expect to be paid. So I can see if he thinks we should offer the other 2 $100 as well.
You know, I wonder if there’s more to the story and this guy is upset about something else. It seems clear to me that he knew when he showed up that he wasn’t getting paid. Most likely he did feel pressured to help out, either from your husband or from other co-workers, but maybe he spent all of last weekend doing free work for his stupid BIL and is just taking it out on you. Perhaps husband should say something along the line of it was just supposed to be a friendly return-the-favor thing, and is there any work he needs done instead of $100? (if he actually wants to offer that). I do agree that if husband already agreed to pay then he should pay, but if they’re just going to avoid each other at work afterwards then it won’t really accomplish the goal of keeping the peace.
My B-I-L and stepfather spent a couple weekends tearing out my bathroom, putting down a new floor, rearranging the plumbing, putting in a window, etc. Whole new bathroom. When I was thanking my B-I-L, he said “I like to do this kind of stuff, and I can’t afford to do it in my own house.” This is what family does.
Another time, my stepfather’s nephew was visiting and they came over to do something relatively minor (install some pre-made cabinets in the kitchen, I think). Later my mother told me she paid nephew $100, and I owed it to her. I had no idea that he was charging for his help. I paid it, because I wasn’t going to stick my mother with the bill.
It is weird, only someone being obtuse would have expected to be paid for what was obviously a “can you give us a hand” request. That being said I’d would probably pay the 100 bucks, but keep it in mind if you have another project in the future you are looking for volunteers for. I also like Jodi’s idea about making the offer to the other co-workers - good bet they won’t take the money. And covers you if in some fashion word gets back that the other guy got paid.
The thing that surprises me most in this thread, is the people saying you shouldn’t have asked for help from friends on this sort of project (or even moving)? WTH?
This is exactly the sort of project where you need to ask for help! A whole re-roof, not something a couple can do my themselves in a weekend.
Isn’t that what being friends are all about - you’re there for them when they need a hand & vice versa? That’s what I think anyway. With my friends there isn’t even any quid pro quo about it. If I’m free an you need a hand with something, I’ll be there! But as others have said maybe that’s just me.
No wonder he hasn’t connected well with people. He’s a freakin’ scam artist!
If someone did that to me, they’d be on my Don’t Talk to Me Ever list.
I think there’s another reason why your husband should disclose this to the other coworkers. They need to know that if he ever takes them up on offers of help, he’ll have dollar signs in his eyes.
In my circle of friends, we’ve discussed this exact issue. When we were in college, or in our 20’s, we did this kind of thing for each other. Helping friends move is a great example. Now, we kind of expect each other to hire professionals, as our weekend leisure time is more valued (than the worth of our unskilled labor).
Exceptions (both of which have arisen in the last couple months – where I did help out a friend): a) emergencies (in this case, a sudden flooded basement); and b) basic help in my area of professional expertise.
Roofing is a big job. The help needed for these types of jobs are professional paid help. If you’re friendly with folks who are in this type of career and/or have experience with it, its still a fairly big request. If this is not your thing, one should never be expected to help with it. Maybe help out with basic stuff like holding ladders, and handing tools to people, but nothing more. The type of stuff you ask of your friends are small moving jobs, basic painting, driveway paving, etc… and should last no more then weekend with beer, soda, and basic food provided (pizza, burgers, brats…) There’s a reason why big money is demanded for big jobs. Because they’re big jobs!
At this point as it pertains to the OP, the best option is Jodi’s recommendation. Pay him, and offer the same to the rest. This takes away the potentional awkwardness from your husband and his co-workers if they find out, and guarantees to put it all on this guy because he had the nerve to ask. I’m sure the others will refuse payment. But if they accept, $300 total labor + food is nothing compared to thousands you’d pay to a professional.
I think it depends on the abilities and expectations of your circle of friends. I’m not being class-ist, but I sit in an office all day and work with other people who sit in an office all day, and I would not be confident that if I asked them to help with home repair, they would know enough to use the the right end of the hammer to bang with. And I’m not much more competent myself.
The expectation of us office ants (speaking for myself and my friends) is that you use the money you earn to pay people to do stuff like fix your roof. This isn’t to say that we are above bartering our services – I’ve drawn up simple wills for family, though I don’t like to do it – but serious home improvement is not within our skill set to barter. If you’re lucky enough to hang around a bunch of handy guys who can do things like re-do basements and re-roof houses, then sure, you do it. But that’s a BIG JOB and it calls for a certain degree of skill, and I also think it’s pretty surprising to find a group of friends who are both willing and able to do it for free.
I think that this might be a different sort of situation.
When first out of college and for the first few (maybe 10?) years after, helping friends of the same age and income range and being helped in return is par for the course. Moving into apartments or new homes, helping to fix up the new place, watching pets or children - these are commonplace things that don’t usually call for compensation. Although they usually are appreciated, with a gift certificate or somesuch. But if you change that to asking a high school or college age kid, now you are the one who is earning more, and compensation should be expected.
That said, no way anyone could get me up on a roof, anytime. Just out of curiosity Velma, did you consider your liability if someone had fallen off the roof? That might have been one of the most expensive roofing jobs in history. And a lot to expect from friends.
I would simply say “I’m sorry, if we paid you, then we’d have to pay everyone else too. That was not our intention when we asked for help…we make it a point to be there for other people so repay in kind. Did someone mention payment to you? I just want to know so I can correct any wrong impressions created”.
We work the same way - usually if one of a group of us has a project, we all have a project. Makes the work go faster and it’s fun.
I would have totally gone over to help out for the free beer and BBQ, no problem. Heck, we did it this summer when someone on my baseball team had a “barn renovating party”. It was a lot of fun. Big bunch of city folks who have the skills but don’t usually get to play with power tools, we put in an honest day’s labor, then drank beer and built a bonfire, and had a great backyard party afterwards.
No way in hell anyone asked to be paid. The invitation was clear. You could help out any way you could: we guys and girls with framing skills had a lot of fun putting our abilities to use, the unskilled guys and girls helped pass equipment, learned a few things, or painted the back of the barn. No pressure, if you didn’t want to help out, you didn’t have to. A couple people showed up just to see the farm animals, watch, and play frisbee.
We all had fun. No one would have asked for money, we helped out in exchange for the party.
I’m also betting he went home and his wife sent him back for compensation.
Tell your husband not to hand over any money, make the other guy ask for it again. And then your husband can tell him he has to get it from you, then you nail him to the roof!
Wow I was JUST talking about this with a friend. This is one of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES!! I hate it when people want you to do these really monster favors for them and disguise it as something that might be fun or something that you might want to do. I had a friend that was NOTORIOUS for the scam free labor from your friends “parties” I’d get these evites and it would be like “Come join Samantha for the Good Old Fashioned Help me Pack to Move Party! I’ll provide beer pizza and music! Come prepared to pack and enjoy sparkling conversation with your friends!” This would soon turn into the “Good Old Fashioned help me Unpack Party” then the “Good Old Fashioned Help me Paint my Apartment Party” then the “Good Old Fashioned drive with me to DeKalb to pick up a sofa Party” to the “Good Old Fashioned Put Aluminum siding on my house Party” to the “Good Old Fashioned Babysit my Kids and Do my Taxes Party” then the “Good Old Fashioned Help me Fish the Dead thing Out of the Swimming Pool Party”
Okay maybe some of those didn’t happen but I wouldn’t put it past her. My first reaction is always, “Here’s an idea, I’ll go BUY some beer and pizza at a restaurant and NOT do any manual labor” or you know I’ll help you move but do NOT for a single second think you can trick me into thinking we’re doing something fun. I’m doing this ONLY for the good karma.
I agree with the poster above that mentioned liability. That was another thing that I think right off the bat. What if this guy had fallen off the roof and broken his neck and become a paraplegic? Would he deserve the 100 dollars then? Roofing is a completely different animal than helping a buddy move. And I’m sure there are all sorts of uninteresting facets to this story. Your husband may have done selfless favors in the past, maybe everyone involved is experienced in roofing and has had the proper safety training to know how to not fall through a patch of rot. Maybe you and your friends aren’t selfish assholes like me and mine. All I know is that I’m not getting on a ladder for anyone that isn’t blood relative or having sex with me. And I would never ask the same of anyone (that isn’t a blood relative or having sex with me) And I’m REALLY not getting on a ladder if you try to distract me shiny-object style with the words “party” “beer” or “BBQ”
There is a reason we have the yellow pages full of people we pay to do the disgusting dangerous backbreaking work we need done in our lives.
It did occur to me. It’s probably not the best idea in the world that way, but like I said, we all do things like this for each other and I wasn’t afraid of getting sued (now I will know to be more careful with people who I don’t know as well.) I don’t know what our homeowner’s policy would cover.
He’s not married, for those who are wondering about that. He is a little younger than the rest of us (early 20’s) so maybe he just needs the money. And if he doesn’t have many other friends maybe he’s not used to this kind of situation.
I’ll be more wary next time. My husband does tend to be very trusting and can be a little naive when it comes to stuff like this. He just assumes that other people have the same outlook he does, that is, he would never charge and likes to just help out so others must think the same way. I asked him more about his work relationship with this guy, and he said it was good. But husband does have a higher up position (he’s a diemaker, co-worker is not) so maybe he figures he has more money to give him? He’s not co-worker’s supervisor or anything though - I would definitely see that as inappropriate to ask him for help if he was.
I encouraged him to separate home and work friends a little more unless someone is truly an outside friend as well. Thinking about it more now I can see how work politics can affect things in other ways too and it makes me think the whole thing is probably a bad idea. Husband wants to just pay him and forget the whole thing. He doesn’t think he needs to offer money to the others. I am letting him decide since he is the one who has to work with everyone.