Dear Mr. Nurse Man:
So I’ve been gardening too much. I felt strong, did too much and hurt myself. Now I’m having muscle spasms in my back. It’s not that big a deal. I just needed some muscle relaxers for a few days, I’ll lay off the gardening for a couple weeks and all will be well.
I don’t have good local-network insurance because my employer is in another state. So, rather than go to a normal doctor, with normal doctor business hours, I’m forced to come to the local emergency clinic. We have 'em all over the place in Florida. It must be a really lousy place to work on the nurse/doctor Heirarchy of Impressive Jobs. I bet you see a lot of patients with no insurance and a lot of students. So I’m sorry for you that your job sucks and you feel it necessary to treat your patients with disdain.
Last night, when I finally gave in to the pain and stopped in for some good drugs, you did your job well. Took all my vitals, looked at my chart and said, “Still smoking?”
Pleased as punch at my accomplishment, I swelled with pride and replied, “Nope. I quit!”
You are being pitted because you rolled your eyes and said, “Oh yeah? When? Last week?”
“No,” I said, smile fading from my face. I got very serious to let you know I was not bullshitting you. “I quit on March 12.” After that we were all business because I was thinking of putting my foot to your throat and suddenly didn’t feel much like jocular, good-natured, friendly small talk any more.
Fuck you and the lungs you said that with. I smoked for fifteen years and struggled several times to quit. This last time I actually managed to, with the help of Wellbutrin and a health care professional who believes me and is actually supportive. And I’m damn proud of that. I do not make shit up just because I think some fucking nurse wants to hear it. I expected a pat on the back or a simple, “good for you.” Instead, I earned your disdain, your rolling eyes and your disbelief. I’m sure people lie all the time about smoking to you. I’m sorry you’re so cynical and jaded that you cannot even distinguish between the lying sacks of shit and those of us who proudly tell you the truth.
Fuck off. I hope you go to a hell full of smokers and you are the only nonsmoker.
:wally