Assorted crap emails. Some people just don't get it.

[Kitchen_Wench]

Sorry this is long. I’m steamed about it, but it’s not exactly pit-worthy.

A friend of mine forwarded this email to me yesterday. His comment, at the top: Finally, someone put into words how I have felt about these things for years!
The original forwarded email below:

Dear Friends and Family;

At this time of year, I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine that could be on the can.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers - but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you all, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (I don’t remember that in the Bible.)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,287,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician!

Honest

I felt this was my chance to express my feelings to the people (mainly 2 aunts) who send me nothing but shite. So I forwarded the email to the two offenders along with my own contribution:

Allow me to elaborate with this public service message.

What do I find waiting for me in my inbox??? That’s right, kids… MORE FUCKING DRIVEL FROM MY TWO AUNTS. I think my only option left is to hit “reply all” and publicly tell them to stop sending me crap. I don’t want to embarrass them, or show disrespect to my elders, but god damn!

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Ice_Wolf]

The hardened email forwarder never sees themselves in the light of your two examples, Seeker74. I know it’s brassing you off, but – just delete the things*. Better for the blood pressure in the long run.

*The emails, not your aunts …

[Dragwyr]

After years of receiving this kind of stuff from my family in friends, I finally started sending them replies with specific Snopes articles related to what they had sent me. The e-mails finally stopped, though it did take some time.

But…

Do I really think that my sending them relavent Snopes articles back actually stopped them from sending out drivel and glurge to OTHER PEOPLE?

No. More likely they just removed me from their lists, which is just fine with me!

[Futile_Gesture]

I’ve seen the email in the OP.

It’s a hoax. Do not forward it. It has a virus that backups all your computer’s files, cleans out the grungy bits on your keyboard and deposits $100 in your paypal account.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

[Kitchen_Wench]

@Ice Wolf

*The emails, not your aunts …

Damn…

@Dragwyr

I finally started sending them replies with specific Snopes articles related to what they had sent me.

I’d love to do that myself, but I haven’t the patience.
**
Futile Gesture**- I think I love you.

[Chefguy]

The only way to make it stop is to be direct, if not downright rude about it. I had to use tough love with my sister to make her stop it, but it worked. She even checks Snopes now! I recently received some bullshit christian crap from another employee where I work. My reply email: “Do not EVER send me this sort of mindless glurge again.” Result: immediate cessation.

[Vision_of_Love]

Great email.

I wish I had found that to distribute back when I used to receive stupid shit like that. I eventually just told people to stop sending me that junk and they stopped. Secondary effect: I think many of them stopped sending them to other people as well.

But the absolute worst, which I’m surprised did not receive a mention on that list, is the Forward-this-or-Hotmail-will-delete-your-account-email forward! Thank goodness I haven’t received one of those in ages, but if I were to find another one in my inbox in the future, I don’t know what I’ll do to myself.

[Johnny_L.A]

An uncle of mine is very conservative. Nice guy, but he sends out patriotic and anti-Liberal e-mails all the time. For a couple of years I sent him Snopes links in reply. After the latest, something about Hillary Clinton decapitating kittens and shitting down their necks until their bodies exploded (or that she refused to meet with servicemens’ wives – one of those, anyway), I sent him another Snopes link. He replied that Hillary scares the hell out of him and sometimes he reacts without thinking. While I have received a couple of patriotmails from him, he hasn’t sent any ULs recently.

[velvetjones]

I did the Snopes thing with my Mom. I also told her that if she continued to forward stuff before checking it out people would 1. think she was stupid, 2. stop reading her e-mail and 3. get very annoyed.

For a while then she sent stuff to me to check out :smack:

But she did learn to check Snopes and the glurg has mostly stopped though she likes to share the occasional uplifting message. I really can’t get mad when my mom wants me to feel good now can I?

[Duke_of_Rat]

I told people not to send me any chain mail shit of any sort since my email address would go out with a jillion others and would eventually be harvested for spam. I don’t get any more chain email shit, and don’t get any spam, to boot!

[Emerald_Hawk]

I dealt with this by setting up my email client with a rule to put all mail from a “problem forwarder” into a different folder. I can then check it once a week or so, just like I would with any spam folder. Most things I just delete without reading them. Do your aunts conduct any useful coorespondence with you via email, or would they just call you if they had something important to say?

[EarthStone777]

I too had someone who would send out every piece of garbage under the sun to everybody in her contacts list.

At first I tried replying just to her with the truth (about whatever was in that particular waste of electrons) and a link to the snopes page, but she didn’t learn. So I started replying To All, so that everyone she sent it to would realise what trash it was. That led to some of the others complaining to her about my messages! She asked me to stop replying to all. I refused and continued my practice.

So, in spite, she now refuses to send me anything other than actual correspondence e-mails from her. … which is what I wanted all along…

[swampbear]

Ah yes EarthStone777 the “I’ll show you by not sending you anything but actual correspondence defense”. She showed you didn’t she!

We have a rule at work. No email that is not business related. Doing so can lead to disciplinary actions up to and including firing for those who will not learn. Best dang rule we have at work.

I had to tell several relatives and friends that I was going to start deleting and/or refusing emails from them if they did not start with the UL’s, glurge, etc. It mostly worked. For those few for whom it didn’t work, I just started refusing their emails. If you don’t have anything to say, don’t say it to me.

[Mama_Tiger]

I remember talking about this a year or so ago in another thread about crap emails, but we had an elderly friend who would send me daily glurge, several pieces of it a day. I deleted it unread. But then when he died, I actually found myself missing the emails from him, even though I’d never read a single one. It wasn’t the content, it was the contact.