Frequently, my wife will lapse into silence in the middle of a sentence. At first I thought she was just exercising a wife’s prerogative to drive her husband bat-shit, but sometimes I wonder.
It’s usually at the point where she gets to the object of the sentence. Instead of saying, “He ran to the stairs”, e.g., she will say, “He ran to the…(long pause)…stairs.” This will happen whether she’s telling a story, or just speaking a sentence like “Where are my…shoes?” She doesn’t grope for words, and the word she pauses at is often a very common word. In fact, sometimes I can tell contextually what the word is (which drives me bat-shit, see above).
We are both 41, in reasonably good health, and are well-educated and well-read. In fact, my wife is a teacher, and is therefore used to speaking at length and has a good practical vocabulary.
I have noticed a tendency in her to become distracted by other things in mid-sentence or mid-story. Sort of like that scene in “Throw Mama From the Train” where Danny DeVito blurts out, “Look! Cows!” She will comment on something that has caught her eye and interrupt herself to comment on it.
What gives? Any medical or psych reasons for this? I’d like to understand it a little better, because if it’s like Tourette’s Syndrome or something, and she can’t help herself, I want to be more patient with her. Sometimes, especially when I’m tired, I’ll snap at her to finish her sentences. Am I doomed to go through my golden years finishing her sentence fragments for her?
The Dave-Guy
“Since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
How long have you been married? Is this somthing she has been doing since you’ve known her, or is it a recent occurance?
If you’ve been married for, say, 15 years and she’s been doing it all along, I would say it’s probably more in the nature of an annoying personal habit.
If, however, it’s something you’ve just noticed, a vistit to the doctor may be called for. It certianly couldn’t hurt, at any rate, if only to set you and your wife’s minds at rest.
You might also want to consider Attention ‘Difference’ Disorders. We often become distracted from our distractions and interrupt even ourselves with incoming thoughts.
I too would want to know if this is a new event or something she’s always done that is just now driving you nuts. Also, is it a problem for her too, or just you?
We’ll be married 18 years this June. I’ve been noticing the lapses for quite a few years, how many I can’t say. But it’s not a recent development. She has always had a tendency to interrupt herself with tangential thoughts and comments.
It doesn’t seem to bother her. She just pauses until the right word hits her, then she says the sentence again and completes it.
I just think she’s easily distracted. Still, I can’t help but wonder if she even has the whole sentence framed in her mind before she starts to speak. Maybe it’s just that she has an image or basic idea, but hasn’t put the labels to it before she starts speaking. Then a hesitation sets in because she hasn’t labelled that portion of her speech and has to recall the image/idea and affix a label to it. It just seems strange to me that someone with a fine practical vocabulary would get stuck so often finding a very simple, common word to complete a sentence with.
The Dave-Guy
“Since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
Research into verbal abilities indicates that it uses all parts of your brain, in many various and amazing ways, so maybe her brain is just organized differently. Research also indicates that men and women tend to organize these verbal abilities in different ways.
Otherwise–you said she’s a teacher? Maybe by the end of the day, when you see her, she’s just all talked out. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
I wouldn’t worry that she’s coming down with some ghastly disease unless this becomes truly incapacitating, or it’s all the time, not just when she’s tired at the end of the day.
You insist on a more sinister explanation? OK, aliens have taken over her brain. Or, lemmesee, she’s actually an undercover agent like whoever it was in that movie with Jamie Lee Curtis (was that Schwarzenegger?), and she’s thinking about the next rendezvous. Or, how about, she’s planning on stealing the British Crown Jewels. Or, it’s actually YOUR body that’s being taken over by aliens, and every time you talk to her, your voice sounds funny but she isn’t sure whether she’s imagining it or not…
Hope this helps.
“Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!” - the White Queen
Actually, Notthemama, the alien thing is a possibility…
Seriously, it’s more just an annoyance to me because I desire closure big time. And it’s not just at the end of the day. This tendency crops up in casual conversation, when she’s relating an incident to me, when she’s making an off-hand comment. All the time. Not just when she’s dog-tired.
Thanks for all the input, though, guys.
The Dave-Guy
“Since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
I frequently blank out on a word, sometimes a very common word. Me, I usually insert “um” into the sentence at that point to indicate that I’m having trouble thinking of the word, and haven’t suddenly gone off into space. I don’t mind the other person helping me out by suggesting words I might be thinking of. Sometimes my brain is just going too fast for my mouth to keep up, and the word gets lost. That might be what’s happening, or maybe another thought intruded in the middle of the sentence, and after that passes, she can finish what she’s saying. Have you ever asked her what’s going on inside her brain? I don’t know your wife, obviously, but I wouldn’t be offended if someone close to me asked that.
TV Reporter: Can you destroy the earth?
The Tick: I hope not. That’s where I keep all my stuff!
I do the same thing that your wife does. Object nouns are a problem sometimes. For me, it’s a combination of being a (Meyers-Briggs personality type) INTP, and being tired. INTP tend to value precision in language, and in me this is demonstrated when I quibble over definitions or explanations that aren’t quite right, even though most people would see them as “close enough”. So I’m always trying to say precisely what I mean. But when I’m dog-tired, that’s a lot of work, and the brain cells that normally search out just the right word to say have already gone to bed.
It could be that your wife is just too damned tired.
Instead of predicting her actual word, and driving yourself crazy waiting for what you know she’s going to say, can you try amusing herself by predicting something else?
For example: If she says to you, “Where did you park the…”
And you’re on tenterhooks, waiting for what you “know” she’s going to say…
Imagine instead that she’s going to say “camel.” As in, “Honey, where did you park the camel?”
If she gives you more time, come up with another alternative: “Where did you park the Goodyear Blimp?”
Seems to me you could occupy yourself for quite a few seconds, and gain some private amusement. She doesn’t need to know, it’s all in your head, and it helps you be patient.
“Have you seen my…” (Pancreas?) “…raincoat?”
“I need to go to the…” (Abattoir?) “…mall.”
“I’m off to the salon for a…” (Butt wax?) “…haircut.”
And for even more fun, suggest those alternatives out loud. Guaranteed to spice up your marriage.
My dad does this, by the way. He’s always done it. HIs pauses are sometimes interminably long and characterized not by ‘um’s’ and 'er’s but by a completely expressionless, nearly Buddha-like face.
On ‘The Simpson’s’ this is usually accompnaied by the overdub of Homer’s brain singing a merry tune or giggling. I don’t think my dad is that doltish, though. So it must be something in the wiring.
I agree that it isn’t that big of a deal (I hope). My father does it constantly and I find myself finishing his sentences (or inserting a word) for him occasionally. It has also happened to me on occasion.
I wouldn’t ever suggest an outlandish interpretation out loud. My wife sometimes gets touchy when I’m “sarcastic” and there’s no need for both of us to be peeved over a relatively minor thing like this.
A lot of times her lapses are characterized by a circular wave of her hand, as if she’s trying to pluck the word out of the air, so maybe they synapses have shut down and she’s groping for the word.
sigh I guess I’ll just continue to grin and bear it. Maybe I’ll ask her about it when it’s not happening. It might sound more like clinical interest rather than are-you-just-doing-that-to-piss-me-off-or-are-you-having-a-stroke.
The Dave-Guy
“Since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
