V.O. Announcer: “23-skiddoo Hep Cats. If you think Cary Grant is all that, if you smoke Camels, just like Joe DiMaggio and Lou Gehrig, and if you think your Packard could beat your neighbor’s Studabaker ANY DAY, then YOU LOVE THE 1930s!”
*Music: Swing version of “I Love the…” theme
Title card: “KEEN” on argyle background
Video: Clip from Marx Bros “A Night at the Opera”*
The Donnas: “Oh my god. The Marx brothers!”
“Oh my god! I totally drove my mom nuts asking for a harp!”
“Me too! I did have the horn though. EVERYONE on our block had a horn”
“Mute guys are so hot!”
Hal Sparks: “What was up with Zeppo, anyway? Was he like…the gay Marx brother or something? He always got the girl though, what’s up with that?!”
Michael Ian Black: “ Not many people are aware that Chico’s name is pronounced: “Chick – o,” because he supposedly got all the chicks. People try to tell me it’s pronounced “CHEE – co,” like the city in California, but they’re wrong.” [shakes head slowly] “So very, very wrong.”
Debbie Gibson: “I loved them, but of course I identified more with Margaret Dumont.”
Video: Margaret Dumont. Music: The Commodores – “Brick House”
Debbie Gibson: “I remember she was such a big influence on me. I always wanted a uniboob so bad! I couldn’t even use lorgnettes because I had 20/20 vision. I tried to use a cigarette holder for the same classy effect, but it just made me look like a bitch.”
Samantha Fox: “Groucho Marx?” [pauses to think] “I’d do him.”
Mo Gaffney: “The strange thing about the Marx brothers was that their first film came about during the advent of sound pictures. They had many, many problems with the technology and it’s no wonder, really. They called it “Coconuts” which when you think about it, are the loudest members of the nut family.”
*Title card: “Swell” on pinstripes
Video: Hindenberg disaster. Audio: “Oh the humanity” etc.*
Lisa Marie Presley: “The Hindenberg? Oh shit, that really sucked!”
Rich Issen: “I remember seeing that film clip over and over at the Nickelodeon when I was hiding from the truant officer, but even at that young age I could tell it was fake.”
Flava-Flav: “Say WHAT? Faked? Naw, naw, naw. Did someone say that? DAAAYYYMN! That’s cold!”
Donal Logue: “Well what did they fu(*$%ing expect? Dumbass Nazis! Hydrogen by nature being highly flammable, and hey! I have an idea – Let’s freakin’ build an AIRSHIP out of it! Good idea – be sure to cram it full of people so as many die as possible when it bursts into flames! Jesus. Serves them right for tampering in God’s domain, that’s what I say!”
V.O. Announcer: “And now, Doug E. Fresh with “I Love the 30s Hip Hop Song of the year!””
Doug E. Fresh: “A hidey, hidey–ho and a hidey, hidey-hey. We go a little something like this – HIT IT!”
Video: Cab Calloway
Doug E. Fresh: “The Hip Hop song of the year is: “Reefer Man” by Cab Calloway!”
V.O. Announcer: “Coming up next – Hats!”
Dee Schnider “No Dobbs or Knox for me. Stetson all the way, baby!”
V.O. Announcer: “But first, here’s Gilbert Gottfried with the “What the F^#)@!?” moment of 1930.”
Gilbert Gottfried: “In 1930, Dutch Boy Paints launched an ad campaign touting the popularity of it’s lead paint, actually called ‘Dutch Boy White Lead.’ According to the ad: ‘8 Painters in every 10 use Dutch Boy.’ So you had an 80% chance of coating your home inside and out with a highly toxic and poisonous substance that lasted for decades and required a HazMat team to remove. Hey Dutch Boy, WHAT THE F*$^#@)(?!”
(Upon preview - I can’t believe this took me like an hour to type out and it takes less than 2 minutes to read! Coding – Bah!)