Design a two-event biathlon, where the final result comes from adding up combined scores from the two events, in which you would be world champion, or close to it.
Restriction: all events must be things which could easily be converted to a measurable competitive format. For instance, if you’re extremely good at parallel parking, you can put it down, because it would be easy to design a parallel parking competition. But if you have a talent for helping friends shop, you’re out of luck.
For me, the two events would be: 4-Square (the playground game)
and Ghouls ‘n’ Ghosts (the arcade game)
(There are other things I’m better at than those two, but both of them have the advantage that they’re not very commonly played, so the odds of there being someone else in the world whose also an expert at both are quite slim)
I suppose pedantry and copyediting go essentially together as one general event, so I’ll go with … reciting the names of Will Hunting’s brothers. In order.
Tetherball followed by Science Trivia. The only problem is it’s hard to devise a way to let the total results tabulate.
Maybe marathon followed by tetherball. Tetherball starts as soon as you finish the marathon, with tourney byes determined by race position. Of course, that would hurt the top finishers, as they would have more time to cool down and realize they’re exhausted, but more’s the fun…
Googling - Ten searches; up to five terms each. Finding the info is one point, finding it on the first page of results is three points, knowing you’ve got the right search and “feeling lucky” is worth six if you’re right but none if you’re wrong. Total of sixty possible points.
and
Vocal Percussion (aka human beat boxing) - judged by a panel of three audiophiles, each contestant beat-boxes to two compulsory pieces (from a list of three). Each judge rates each piece on a scale of one to five, for thirty total points. The contestant then chooses one piece to cap off his or her performance. Judges score on a scale of one to ten, factoring in the piece’s difficulty and the contestant’s skill and style (thirty more points).
Wasp Shooting with a pellet gun. Team competition. Closed room with distracting wallpaper. One minute round. 10 wasps worth 10 points each. Lose 5 points for every sting received, 10 points for shooting your partner, 20 if a ricocheting pellet takes out an eye.
3D Magic Eye solving - 10 puzzles, a timed competition
Video Game controller hurling- I would excel at both distance competitions and target shooting. See how many opponents you can bean in the skull in under 10 seconds!
Rejection sprint- I could easily get more rejections in a set time period than any other opponent…err not that I’m proud of that or anything sobs
I think its fairly obvious- whoever finishes first is the winner. I didn’t mention masturbation because I’d be such a ringer it wouldn’t be fair to any of the other, older competitors. Without getting into TMI detail, it doesn’t take much to get me ‘going’
