Why is gotten laid in here? I mean, I lived on my own, I have a car, but because some guy hasn’t stuck his dick in me I’m a baby?
Yeah, I feel comfortable labelling 30 and 40 year old virgins as babies.
A member of my family was, until her late 20s, only sporadically employed (mostly seasonal retail work), didn’t have a car, and lived in her mother’s basement. She did, however, have an apparently active sex life with a series of 18-19 year old boyfriends.
I have to say I don’t think more of her maturity because she was having sex. Under the circumstances, it would have been more adult to spend some of that energy looking for a real job or helping out around the house.
I read that criterion more as “someone who wants to get laid but can’t” than someone who chooses to be abstinent (religious reasons, asexual, etc).
I read what you wrote:
[QUOTE=Justin_Bailey]
The OP specifically mentions that he’s talking about people in their early 20s (and presumably fresh out of college). So yeah, he was taking a shot at me, when I think my post-college year at home was pretty damn reasonable.
[/QUOTE]
Did I misunderstand you? You seemed to be taking this personally when you are clearly not what the OP was attempting to discuss. You were being defensive and that makes me believe that you should really be honest with yourself regarding your feelings about that time spent at home. Either you can honestly say that it was reasonable and then you would recognize that the OP doesn’t apply to you or you can harbor feelings of inadequacy and think that the OP was taking a “shot at you”. The failure in our communication is not my lack of comprehension. I hear loud and clear what you wrote. Got it now, sweetcheeks?
Well bowl me over – black and white and 88 or even 61? 
Ok Sherlock 
How did you open a bank account, cash a check, or engage in any financial transactions other than cash?
This is what I’m wondering, too. Banks accountants are hard enough to open with ID.
I’m trying to get “should” out of my vocabulary. Especially about other people.
But I guess it would seem strange to me if someone was in the early to mid 20s and still dependent on parents for anything, involuntary unemployment or underemployment notwithstanding. If someone is financially able to live on their own but they don’t want to because they wouldn’t be able to get a place as nice as their parent’s place, I would think that’s kind of immature. Even if they were paying rent and doing chores.
Likewise, if you’re having others ferry you around because you don’t want to learn how to drive, then I’d steer clear from you lest you turn me into a chauffer. I don’t mind giving people rides if they can’t afford a car or they don’t normally need one (if you’re a NYer who commutes to NJ, for instance you might appreciate a lift to the train station instead of walking in the rain). But if those variables aren’t in play and fear is what is holding you back, then I’d probably think, “Hey, you need to grow up a little.” I wouldn’t say it, but I would think it.
Not having a job is not indicative of anything right now, in this economy. Not EVER having a job, even including odd jobs as a teenager, is. Sex doesn’t mean anything as much as maturity goes, but perhaps having a sustained relationship does indicate that someone has reached a developmental milestone.
It’s easier not to rate someone’s maturity based on some arbitrary list of “shoulds” and focus on how they relate to people. If they act like a grown up, then they should be afforded the respect of a grown up.
One of the local banks had a program where you could open an account with your college ID. That covered me for checks and an ATM card.
What?
There. (Wolf).
Ah, so you had a form of ID, just not a state one. Gotcha. I was thinking more along the lines of people who say they had NO form of ID until a relatively late age.
I don’t know about being a baby, but it’s certainly abnormal.
I don’t think anyone in this thread is saying being a late-aged virgin is normal. Just that it is not indicative of maturity.
Somewhere in the world twelve-year-olds are having sex right now. That doesn’t make them any more mature than twelve-year-olds who aren’t.
Ya know, something’s been bothering me about the objection to being a 30-year old virgin as typically a sign of immaturity.
Of course having sex doesn’t make you mature. Any male capable of sustaining a boner can do it, and any female --at all-- can do it. But having an ID or a motor vehicle obviously doesn’t make you mature either. We know this, and that’s not the point. While we can’t, of course, decide conclusively that failure to mark off items we’ve deemed Signs Of Maturity means you haven’t grown up, can we not say that generally speaking, the inability/refusal to exit your parents’ nest, support yourself financially, have an ID and have sexual relationships signals some lack of emotional maturity? This is all part of being big boys and girls. We support ourselves, we budget, we form relationships and sex lives, we go to the DMV. These are just parts of being adults in society.
Why shouldn’t sex belong on that list of grown-up things? And saying because it doesn’t necessarily signify maturity isn’t an answer, because no single one of those things is a surefire sign of maturity.
constanze, do you mean it costs 3000 Euros to pay for the driving lessons, or a fee you pay to the government to get the license, or a combination of those things?
For the vast majority of us over here, our default photo ID is the driver’s license. Those who don’t drive need to have “non-driver identification cards” which, obviously, have different wording from regular driver’s licenses, but otherwise have the same materials and security features, and look very much like them. You’ll be surprised to learn where non-drivers go to obtain these cards—wait for it—it’s the state Department of Motor Vehicles!
Heee! You cold, man.
I think the difference is that most of the other things (jobs, IDs, transportation) are means to an end, with the end being a self-sufficient adult maintaining their own lifestyle. Sex, on the other hand, is an end to most people. Not having the same goal or placing the same emphasis on sex as a goal doesn’t seem like it necessarily falls into the same category, even if most people do care about it.
I’d argue that having a car, having a job, living on your own, etc, can help you mature. If you have a car you have to maintain it, make payments, etc. If you commute other ways, you have to manage your time to get where you want on time. Living on your own comes with bills as well as learning to manage your time (even if you do chores for your parents, it’s not the same as cleaning your own home, assuming your parents do something). Having a job means you learn to manage time and money.
Having sex? Uh… you can convince someone to sleep with you? If you have a kid, yeah, you’re going to (hopefully) mature real quick. So I’d say choosing to abstain, can be a symptom (but not a cause) of maturity more than having sex. (Of course, I mean choosing to abstain, not can’t find someone, having no interest, etc.)