Athiest Dopers would you be mad if your kid found God?

Great Debates
41

First up: If you’re religious and easily offended, then move on. I’m speaking honestly here and I’m not going to defend my opinions. Sure you or your church may not do what I’m describing here, that’s why I use words like “some” or “many”. I’m relating my personal experiences with churches and church-goers, not tarring every one of you with the same brush.

Yes, I would be disappointed to see my (theoretical) children get sucked in by superstition and ritual. I have many reservations about religion.

First, I disapprove of the amount of money they so often seem to suck out of their followers. I recall a friend who recently expressed concern that she shouldn’t have spent money on her children’s photo album instead of tithing as they were given a lecture at their church about getting their priorities straight. I just think that’s so wrong, making people feel guilty about small luxuries.

I also have personal experience of a church putting itself between atheist parents and the child and causing deep division in the family - understand, the parents were not telling the child that he was wrong for joining the church, however the church was telling him they were wrong for not being a part of it and that he should have less to do with them. The family struggled to accomodate him, but he was encouraged to have little time or care for them until he eventually left the church. Thankfully, harmony has been fully restored within the family now.

Another situation I’ve been annoyed about - friends insisting that I attend their religious ceremonies. I’ve announced that I will not attend baptism ceremonies because I don’t believe in it and I’m not interested in pretending. In the case of one person I know, it’s not enough that an atheist would take the time to attend a ceremony that has no meaning or fascination for them; she also complains if she doesn’t think they take enough interest in it. That’s just so rude. If they existed, she wouldn’t want to attend athiest rituals, but she sees no problem with insisting that I and others attend her Christian ones.

I do not believe that one must attend church to have a sound sense of morality, or that being a Christian makes you a more moral person. I consider myself to be moral and hold myself to what I believe is a high standard of morality. Conversely, I know people who call themselves Christian and hide behind their church attendance but fail to show compassion or honesty or kindness in their every day lives. I went to school with a girl whose mother rediscovered God after developing breast cancer. The mother and all three daughters became faithful churchgoers and call themselves devoted Christians. Despite the fact that two of the daughters had children out of wedlock and the third was promiscuous, despite one daughter stealing the family car while drunk (and unlicenced) and destroying it, despite another daughter attempting suicide to blackmail her boyfriend into staying with her, despite all the drinking and partying those girls have done and continue to do, the family believe (and express the belief) that they are morally better than me because they attend church once a week. These are the sort of people I associate with religion because they are all I’ve ever known and that is why I have a low opinion of religion as a “moral compass”.

I probably wouldn’t give my children grief about it, but I’m not going to pander to it either. I would not want witnessing going on in my home, I would not attend church ceremonies because it means nothing to me and I would not encourage the association by offering approval, but I would not attack them over it. I would just hope that they’d be smarter than that.

42

I wouldn’t care if my (theoretical) children believed in god and attended church. Many people get great strength and joy from religion and I wouldn’t begrudge anyone that.

However the moment they start talking about all the people that are going to hell or about how evolution is a sham then you’ll see me hit the roof.

43

Great question. I’m not a parent, so I’ll have to answer in theory, but I wouldn’t be mad at all. My parents allowed me to decide for myself, and I think that’s a wonderful thing. Sure, like others have suggested, I might be distressed if my kid joined some crazy cult or something, but otherwise, I wouldn’t be mad.

I’m actually kind of surpised by some of the answers here. I was expecting most atheists to give answers similar to mine, but quite a few have said they would be upset and/or disappointed. But that just goes to show you that atheism is not a religion. The only thing we all have in common is that we don’t believe in God.

Also, I just want to point out that atheists are not necessarily people who have had bad experiences with church. A lot of us just don’t happen to believe in God - that’s all.

44

i don’t have children, so i can’t directly answer the op.

but as an athiest from a family with a good mix of believers and non-believers, (and within the believers a good mix of denominations, though all christian) i would let any child i had to come to their own conclusions about religion. i know from personal experience that beliefs change over time. i’ve gone to churches before, i have a cousin who has belonged to four different churches over the last half dozen years (one change was because she moved, the others were denominational shifts)

the religious in my family constantly worry about the souls of the atheists, and the atheists constantly worry about the sanity of the religious, but we are all family, and you just don’t throw that away.

i suppose if there were excessive prostytetizing or a doomsday-type cult involved, the figurative smack upside the head might be called for, but otherwise it’s all good.

45

*proselytizing

i spelled it wrong, tried to fix it, and ended up making it worse.

46

I don’t think I’d mind, unless the religion led to beliefs I find harmful, such as “women should obey men”, “homosexuality is wrong” etc.

I told my children when they were old enough to ask (3 or 4 years old) that different people believe different things about gods and life after death, mom and dad don’t believe in gods, but it’s impossible to know what’s true. Since we live in a country with a state church, the religious education in school has a pro-Christian bias - I try to counter that. For instance, when I notice that the weekly school plan includes bible stories, I might dig out the bible, read the complete story, and discuss it. (“Was it fair of god to kill the Egyptian babies in that story about Moses?”)

I treat politics in a similar way (“I think the war against Iraq was wrong because… but some people think it’s right because…”) I go for unabashed dogmatic indoctrination :slight_smile: only on issues where I really want the children to think like me, like “Some bad or stupid people think that only people with pink skin should live in Norway,” “Some people think it’s wrong when boys fall in love with boys or girls with girls - that’s just silly,” and “In old times, people thought that women weren’t as smart as men and that men should always be in charge, but now we know better.”

47

Nope. And I’d appreciate it if he would find his other brown sock as well.

Seriously; No, I wouldn’t be mad. He believed in Santa Claus for a while too. Kids grow out of it.

48

I really can’t see it happening but I wouldn’t be mad.

I would be very disappointed in my own argumentation skills (or their intelligence :wink: ).

I would further forbid them any attendance, still without being mad at them.

49

As IF!

50

I was allowed to choose, as was my son. Big “wa-HOO!” that we all chose intelligent thought over religion!

I would not be “mad”, per se, but I’d be more than a little dismayed. There are plenty of things your kids do that’ll break your heart, but this would be pretty close to the top of my list.

51

If my college-age son was to “find god” my first reaction would be that he is mentally ill. Imagine if your 19 year old came home and started talking about leprechauns or fairies as though they really existed.

OP: if this sounds harsh, it may be because of your wording. A less inflamatory way to phrase the question would be “what would you do if your child developed a belief in God?”. If I were to turn the question around would you see a difference between “what would you do if your child found out god didn’t exist?” and “what would you do if your child lost his belief in god?”.

52

Apologies to Start I just re-read the OP and saw that just the thread title had the “find god” phrase. I realize that coming up with a short, descriptive title can be tough.

53

I was having a similar discussion with my daughter the other night. My wife is quite the devout, active christian and she is raising our children as such. I (heretic and unbeliever:) ) am taking the same approach that my father took: I’m not saying anything about it directly, but I will answer any question they ask of me.

The existence of God can not be known. You can believe in His existence or not, but you can’t prove it to some one else in any way. The belief in the existence of God has no effect on daily life.

The religion itself has various teachings. Depending on which church you attend, some teachings are more important than others. Some churches focus on one aspect of the religion to the exclusion of all others (think Westbro).

Many people use God as a crutch for their own prejudices. Many don’t. In reading the bible, I think Jesus was quite clear in his fundamental guideline for everyday life: Be nice to every single person you meet, every second of every day. But, if you do accept the God of the bible, it is then up to you to decide how you apply that belief in your daily life.

So, to answer the OP: I have no preference on what they believe. If they are good people with the capacity for critical thinking, I’ll be happy. If they’re jerks, I won’t be happy. I won’t hold God or the church responsible either way.

54

Love transcends all religions.

Love

55

I’m agnostic, not athiest. I wouldn’t be mad, I’d be very sad if that happened. I’d hate to think that my child fell victim to the religion con game.

56

Actually, I’m agnostic as well. With very strong athiest leanings.

57

Atheist here.

I wouldn’t be upset at all if my (as yet hypothetical) child began attending church. That’s probably because of my own experience. My father was an atheist, but made no attempt to interfere when I started attending church with some neighbors around age 11. I continued to be a practicing Christian until about my sophomore year in college, by which time I had figured out for myself that I could no longer believe the Bible. At no point did my atheist father or my non-practicing-but-still-a-believer mother interfere or try to influence my beliefs in either direction.

In hindsight, I am actually quite happy to have attended church as a young man. I gained a pretty thorough familiarity with the Bible, which has served me well over the years. Whether you’re a believer or not, the Bible is an important part of our cultural heritage, and it’s nice to be able to toss out a Biblical passage at an appropriate moment, or to be able to spot a Biblical reference in a work of art or literature.

So my answer is that I would not be upset at all, and would probably be happy that my child is broadening his or her knowledge of religious matters. I would trust that with time, as they gained a greater understanding of anthropology, paleontology and history they would begin to ask the questions which Christianity can’t answer. And even if they didn’t, and chose to remain Christians, I can’t say I would be distraught about it. Every person has to decide for themselves what to believe.

58

I would be concerned, depending on the religion and the extent of the conversion. If my child expressed a healthy interest in finding out about religion and came to it on his own, it would probably be ok. If he became a Jesus freak and tried to convert other people, then yes, I would be very upset. So I don’t have an exact answer for you.
And for the record, I was raised by atheists, so I think in fact my parents would be more upset about it than I would be.

59

Atheist here.

I’m surprised at the amount of dopers that seem so willing to sit back and not teach their children what they believe (or don’t beleive).

If one parent is telling the children that there is a God and this is how he wants to be worshipped, then the kids are only getting one side of the story. Especially it your keeping quiet.

I wasn’t raised atheist, I chose it at an early age. However, many kids are not like me. Most people will believe whatever they are told to believe. (For proof, simply note that most people share the religions of their parents.)

Simply because you were skeptical and free-thinking enough to come to atheism on your own doesn’t mean that your children will be also. My attitude is that so many cultural and social pressures out there are already trying to beat it into my hypothetical future child’s head that there is a God. Me telling them that there is no such thing, and that it’s just something that people believe just serves to balance out the equation and give the kid a chance to choose for himself what to think.

60

Not all religions are “con games”. The church I attend (a rather liberal Episcopal church) is tolerant of diverse theological beliefs. I have peers who’ve told the priests that they’re agnostic, or more deistic then theistic, etc., and they’re fine with that. We’re not afraid of skepticism (because lots of us are skeptics). When you get right down to it, churches give their members a lot more then a weekly dose of Jesus: the social aspects of attending a church are one of the major reasons a some people attend.