I love how if women, who are more than half of the world’s population, do something, we are doing something to the world. Men’s wishes aren’t the default, the gold standard, or the foundation for the world.
With the kind of setups I am familiar with (bank vestibule or designated self-service area) it is easy to adopt the distance I think appropriate (at least 3 m/10 ft, and if at all possible to the side, so the other person can see you out of the corner of their eye). In such circumstances I’d enter (in fact, as mentioned above, it’d be more suspicious if I hung around just outside) and studiously ignore the other person. If asked to leave I’d comply without complaining, of course.
Agreed. She was very polite, and I wasn’t annoyed with her – I was annoyed at myself for putting her in the position where she felt she had to ask. I came here wondering if this was an isolated incident, or if I should change my behavior. And there seem to be enough posters indicating that they would also feel umcomfortable that, at the very least, I should be conscious of it. I tend to assume no one perceives me as any kind of a threat, which is very self-centered of me and likely false.
I’m not saying I’ll never enter a vestibule again when someone is already inside – but I will also try to refrain from blindly entering in all situations. Instead, I’ll take the overall situation into account (the size, amount of available space, the weather, etc.)
Thanks again for all the responses.
Maybe she was taking out an especially large amount of cash? I remember the first time I needed to withdraw $500 from the ATM, it’s not a lot of money for someone who handles regularly handles cash, but for me it was a lot, more than I had ever carried on me in my life. I wanted to count it and tuck it away, and for that particular instance I would have wanted a little space.
So I don’t think you did anything wrong, and I don’t see the big deal in asking, so long as it wasn’t raining or a blizzard outside.
She was more touchy than I would have been, but as long as she remained polite when she requested that you move, I don’t think she was out of line. I don’t think you were out of line, either; you couldn’t have known ahead of time that it was too close for comfort for her, but once she told you, you respected that. I think you both handled it the best way you could have.
On the other hand, if it had been 2am, pitch black, and the street were completely deserted outside, I’d be skittish about close quarters in the vestibule, too. Bright and sunny and in view of a bunch of witnesses (I’m assuming the doors were glass)? Wouldn’t occur to me to worry, unless you were hovering 2 or 3 feet away or otherwise behaving oddly.
On another note, if someone decides not to worry about being attacked until they are actually being attacked, well then it’s too late for preventative measures, isn’t it? It’s not unreasonable to politely ask for space.
The thing about her request that seems pointless is that if you had come there with the intention to rob her, you just would have done it regardless of what she asked. I mean, would someone who came in intending to mug her be thwarted by her asking them to leave? Only a nice person with no bad intentions is going to listen to her anyway.
The fact that you can’t get in without a bank card makes it as safe as it is going to get. It already screens out random people who don’t have any reason to be there.
I am all for being aware of your surroundings and personal safety, but this request on her part doesn’t seem to accomplish anything. (That said, you were nice to accommodate her and I doubt arguing the point would have made things any better.)
Well, let us look at it this way. If the OP has entered the vestibule, he is on camera, and he has just swiped his bank card, thus IDing him. Otherwise, he could wait just outside the vestibule, without that.
I think it’s far safer to have him in there with you, than standing just outside.
I regularly read the guidelines that the banking industry and/or security experts publish, and I think that not using an ATM when someone is within a close distance is one of the most recommended actions. It’s not JUST about getting mugged, but about ID theft…someone can easily read the PIN as it’s punched in, or use a skimmer, or whatever. So this woman might have just read one of those articles, and it might not have been because of her sex at all.
Having to use an ATM card to open the door is a great security practice, unless of course the card is stolen. Or again, unless the second person is using a skimmer on the machine.
Me? I’d probably not even enter if someone’s already in there, unless the weather is unreasonable. However, I usually pick up enough cash to do my daily business with at the credit union, and also with the cash back, and most places I go will take my debit or credit card anyway.
I very much suspect that the identity of the cards used for these door locks is not recorded (in fact I would be pissed off if it were, as there is no notice to that effect as there is with video surveillance). So these access control systems only exclude children, people not mentally functional enough to have control of their own bank account and the very poor, don’t they?
I hope you wear reflective clothing. 15 feet would put you out in the middle of the street in front of most sidewalk ATMs.
I once stepped up behind a person at the ATM. I left a decent amount of space, perhaps 6 feet or so. Then I heard “excuse me, I’m in line here” coming from way behind me. The guy was practically standing on the curb. I would have been in the street if I had stood behind him.
I just asked him what in heck he was doing all the way back there if he was waiting for the ATM that was all the way up here. And then I stood off to the side, sort of next to him since I didn’t want to stand in the street.
Then when it was his turn to use the machine, I followed him until I was where I thought the line ought to start; about 6 feet or so behind him.
Maybe banks need to start painting demarcation lines on the ground at their ATMs like the DMV does, so you know where to stand until it’s your turn.
:: shrugs :: The obvious choice, if it’s a sidewalk ATM, is to create / stand in a line going down the sidewalk, not perpendicular to.