I don’t really have the energy to drum up the vitriol or eloquence requisite for a proper Pitting, so I’ll ramble and mutter in MPSIMS instead. Is it just me, or has the concept of personal space all but disappeared?
I spent the day at Disneyland yesterday with a friend. Obviously I don’t expect not to encounter and occasionally bump into people in a location like that – it’s inevitable. However, I started to get really, really annoyed while in line for Space Mountain. We spent 75 minutes in that line, and obviously, so did the three teenage girls behind me. So why is it that every single time the line inched forward and we took a step forward, the girls behind me stepped forward and ran into us. Every. Fucking. Time. I’m not talking about ramming into us at full-speed, of course. But one of them would always stop about half an inch away from us and then immediate turn around to resume chatting with her friends, causing her to brush or bump us every time. I’m not a very confrontational person, so I took to more subtle hints like sticking my arm out strategically and occasionally glaring. Vaguely effective, but not completely.
It’s easy to brush this off as a random incident involving teenagers who were excited to be at Disneyland. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize I encounter this behavior on a daily basis. I’ll go somewhere with my wife like the store, and as we’re putting groceries on the conveyor, the person in line behind us has taken it upon themselves to stand right on top of one of us. I realize Occam’s Razor would suggest that Jakeline’s magnificent beauty and magnetic personality naturally draw people to her, but half of these people aren’t even looking at her when they’re in the process of running into her, so that doesn’t fit, either.
Everywhere I turn, people are standing on top of each other. Stores, ATM lines, getting on the train every day…I don’t get it. What is it that makes people think that those extra couple of inches are going to get them to their goal any faster? I don’t like feeling people’s breath on my neck (Jakeline excluded, of course). Is it really that difficult to just leave me an extra step?
The need for personal space and the amount of space desired varies amongst individuals and also amongst societies/cultures. Maybe you’ve moved to a place where the personal space habits are different from where you grew up. Or maybe times are changing and more and more people don’t have the same views on personal space you do.
Is it really that difficult to read your mind? Moderately, yeah. You could just ask for some breathing room.
I’ve lived in LA all my life, so that isn’t the issue. Your latter suggestion may well be true. It could be that I’ve gotten grumpier about it as I’ve grown older.
The occasions where I’ve done that, I’ve gotten responses that suggest I’m crazy for thinking they’re too close to me. People really do seem to have a different attitude than I do about these things. <shrug>
Asimovian, I feel the same way about people crowding me in lines.
The personal space I require for comfort is pretty big. I won’t go to a crowded movie theater because I can’t enjoy the movie with a stranger sitting in the seat next to me.
It seems like restaurants are crowding more and more tables into a room lately. I hate trying to eat a meal and carry on a conversation with my dining partner while pretending there aren’t a couple of strangers sitting 6 inches away from us.
You would love it here, Asimovian. Assuming that you like a nice, large amount of personal space, that is. Occasionally I do run into an impatient neck-breather, and I suppose I could ask them to back off, but that just isn’t done here. I’m not even sure how you’d phrase it - “Excuse me, could you please stand a few inches further away from me? Thanks.” Yeah, they wouldn’t look at me like I grew a third head at all.
Way back when I joined this board, I asked for suggestions of places for my wife and I to visit and possibly move to. I could swear Calgary was mentioned in that thread somewhere – time for another look?
I am a teenager, and I feel the same way. Get the heck away from me, neck-breathers! I need my personal space, and I do not appreciate it being crowded.
In regards to the OP, my initial thought was that they were flirting with you in some bizzare, outlandish, poorly-designed fashion.
The key to getting space is simple, although it requires some sacrifice on your part: Stop showering. People give me lots of space after the first week, and actively cross the street to avoid me once I hit the month-mark.
You would hate what they did at a McDonalds near my office. They’ve got three normal height small tables for wheelchair users, and the rest of their seating is a large communal table, as if the restaurant was a farmhouse kitchen. The seats are far enough apart to let random people sit side by side and not really feel like they’re invading each other. But still, it’s a bit unusual.
I think there is some sort of universal law out there that says that if you forget to place your shoping cart between you and the person behind you at the check out line, the person behind you will be both very pushy and very stinky.
MY OWN HUSBAND crowds me at the supermarket! He unloads from the handle end of the cart and I unload from the front. If I can’t move up far enough for him to be next to the conveyor, he’s all pushy, and he pushes me into the person in front of me. He cannot stand that I unload from the front (which is because that’s the only end I can comfortably reach from).
Yup - that or they will be standing rightnexttoyou when you try to pay. I once politely asked some random guy to move back because i wanted to pay using the Chip & Pin system and he started ranting that he wasn’t a thief and i had no right to ask him to move back. Like a fool i kept asking for some space. I should have just stood there and held up the queue til the dullwitted checkout operator clued-in to dealing with it. That or tell him that obnoxious shouty guy was paying since he was so evidently ‘with’ me. :rolleyes: Ever since then i ONLY unload from the front of the trolley cos then if someone tries to crowd i can just shove it back into their belly and demonstrate my need for a little more space
Ok, let’s make it clear. Guys may like a hot girl crowding in on them. I dunno. But I don’t want any guys that I don’t know and haven’t approved crowding on me. I don’t want to feel your breath or your leer. Yuck!
I’m all about the personal space, myself. Back off!
I’m big on personal space too. Recently at a Gentlemen’s Club (okay, it was a tittie bar) a friend and I were occupying a table. Two frat-rat looking sorts came in as the place filled up and were unable to find a place to sit. They stood in front of us. Very close. Amost on top of us. This had two consequences:
We couldn’t see the dancer.
Said frat-rats were smoking cigars and were perilously close to burning me as they gestured with them.
I politely asked them to give us a little space. Predictably, one of them reacted with hostility and threats of violence. Thankfully, in the end it wasn’t necessary to actually shove the cigar up his ass.
lol - well that’s what they are called here. If i’d said ‘cart’ then i’d have confused myself into thinking about recycling old bicycle wheels and random bits of wood into a vehicle you can use to hurtle down hills towards a certain death
One time I was at a concert and the girl dancing spastically behind me kept whacking me in the butt with her knee. So the next time it made contact I farted on her.
Another personal space thing, in a different vein:
When I take a nap, my cat must accompany me. And she must get as close as possible to me. If I could absorb her by osmosis I think this would be ideal for her. This is kinda how a nap goes:
-I lie down in bed
-Cat (Emma) jumps up and walks over to me.
Emma: Mrow?
-Nose is shoved under the blankets
Emma: Mroh! (translation: You don’t mind if I lie on your face? No? Great then)
-Cat flops on top of my face like a sack of mashed potatoes.
Me: No, Emma (I pick her up and deposit her at the end of the bed)
This sequence repeats over and over for about 5 minutes, when she usually finally realizes that I don’t want her on my face and she wanders off.
Just last night I had to deal with the grocery cart in the side. Granted, it was due to the guy not paying attention, but it was still annoying to have the cart bumping me. I have had people crowd me at the check out lane like they were trying to herd me along. Using personal space as a bumper. One guy was doing it so much I turned to him said, “Buddy, I’m not moving until I’m done paying. So quit crowding me.” He turned red and mumbled something but it got him to move back.
When I was a cashier I’ve had people crowd me pretty bad. The first store I worked at had the cashiers in little 3-sided cubbies. One day, a kid decided to get in there with me. So when I was moving the 25-pound bag of dog food I semi-accidentally nailed him in the head with my elbow. Hard. He cried and his Mom told him to get out of there while I apologized and smiled inside.
