You may not be able to do this until spring, but consider underground sprinklers.
Kids come on your property, you turn them on, soaking the shit out of the little bastards.
If questioned claim they are on a timer.
But had you defended yourself you would have been the one getting arrested. This woman sounds like she didn’t need to get arrested, she should have been Baker Acted (or whatever you call a mandatory 72 hour psychiatric evaluation in your parts).
In addition to all the other comments, I’d suggest you get a fence for your front yard with pointy bits at the top to keep the brats out of the yard, the camera that someone else suggested and warn all your neighbors so none of them make the same mistake of confronting the psycho bitch and be the unfortunate one to come across her when she has managed to acquire a gun.
Yup… hence the username “justanoldvet”
To be fair, she did not know I am a vet, much less a former SEAL.
HOOOYA!
I LOVE it!!!
The guy next door has had so much trouble with them that he finally just gave up and moved. Broken windows, car tires slashed… even seeing them in the act was not enough: the cops would simply take a report, and that was it… to the best of my knowledge, they were never charged. Twas a pity; was a nice old duffer.
In complete honesty, the wife and I have decided to start socking away some $$ for a fence. It’s a damned shame, really: this was a nice neighborhood, and 99.9 % of the folks around here either get along, or simply mind their own business and don’t bother others.
Seems I’m the only one ( perhaps because we moved here fairly recently, compared to most of the older folks on the block ) , that did not know about “crazy Debbie” .
~sigh~
Oh well…
If it becomes too problematic, she will discover I am someone with whom she does NOT want to f*ck…
It’s unfortunate that the Welcome Wagon did not include a warning about Crazy Debbie for you. Perhaps it’s some sort of initiation into the neighborhood?
No shit. You could build an amphibuous landing track to her driveway, a pontoon bridge across her knee-deep in beer living room, and put limpet mines on her dog. She should be scared. 
Honestly, I’m exceedingly conflicted about this:
As an orphan, I always figured even lousy parents were better than none.
now… I am honestly not sure.
Mrs.Justanoldvet thinks the kids would be better off removed from such an environment; I am, at best, unsure.
LOL
As they say:
Don’t kill 'em… if you kill 'em, they can’t learn anything …
I’d rather have the squid and/or goat, given my druthers
While I had great parents, I knew lots of kids that had lousy parents. No parents would have been better.
If those kids don’t get straightened out, their future is jail at best. Their mother is not capable of doing any straighting.
It’s easy to say that ( no offense )… but… I don’t know if I agree. I also don’t know if I disagree. When a younger man ( and child ) I used to think even the -worst- parents would be better than the nuns. now, of course, I know ( at least to a degree ) how horrible some parents can be… and I STILL don’t know , when push comes to shove, how I feel.
I imagine it’s simply a matter of not being able to be honestly objective, and divorce myself from my own feelings.
Mostly, I hope they realize I’m not the easiest target, and go away.
Or she’ll pull shit like this with the wrong neighbor and she’ll end up getting shot in front of her kids.
Next time the kids cause trouble, use your cell phone to call FedEx and ship them somewhere very far away.
I’m sorry, I’m not seeing the negative in that situation.
Disclaimer: Not wishing death on anyone, but a good NDE could be life-changing.
Does anyone with a legal or law enforcement background know what recourse justanoldvet has in dealing with the cops refusing to allow him to press charges for a legitimate assault? Who can he go to for support and help with this? It just seems so wrong to me.
justanoldvet, take pictures of your injuries ASAP. You might need them, esp. if this crazy bitch continues to be a problem, and you have to build a case against her. I also have to wonder if you hired a lawyer and had him call the police, if you might get a more prompt and courteous response?
Good thing you mentioned your military past. I was about to report that kaylasmom’s guide dog yakked in the nail salon today, and solicit your opinion as to whether it was likely due to the fumes.
It’s an error to tell the cops to do their job? Perhaps the error is in continuing to live in a communitywhere they need to be told. Have you considered running for sheriff yourself?
Anyway, welcome to the Dope, justanoldvet!
Thank you for your service to our country, oldvet. Welcome to the SDMB.
I do believe that stealing mail from your mailbox is actually a federal offense. Postal authorities have to investigate when it is reported. Just thought you would like to know.
Have a nice day.
(oldpacifistwoman)
Private prosecutions are still possible (though rare) in Commonwealth countries, but I’m pretty sure every jurisdiction in the US has abolished them.
Rubystreak :
Does anyone with a legal or law enforcement background know what recourse justanoldvet has in dealing with the cops refusing to allow him to press charges for a legitimate assault? Who can he go to for support and help with this? It just seems so wrong to me.
justanoldvet, take pictures of your injuries ASAP. You might need them, esp. if this crazy bitch continues to be a problem, and you have to build a case against her. I also have to wonder if you hired a lawyer and had him call the police, if you might get a more prompt and courteous response?
Truth be told, I’m not really interested in pressing charges anymore: I more-or-less just wanted to vent. Frankly, I figure it’s not worth the hassle in the long run.
Hiring a lawyer seems like throwing good money after bad, and things are kinda tight at present, so that’s not an option. Mrs.Justanoldvet did take some pretty extensive pictures. Her biggest concern was infection, since chemo has pretty much destroyed my immune system. Knock on wood, they seem to be healing nicely: scabbed over and hardly “weeping” at all.
kaylasdad99:
Good thing you mentioned your military past. I was about to report that kaylasmom’s guide dog yakked in the nail salon today, and solicit your opinion as to whether it was likely due to the fumes.
It’s an error to tell the cops to do their job? Perhaps the error is in continuing to live in a communitywhere they need to be told. Have you considered running for sheriff yourself?
Anyway, welcome to the Dope, justanoldvet!
Thanks for the welcome 
Sorry about the confusion re: my username: couldn’t think of anything nearly as profound nor witty as some I’ve seen here.
As for me running for sheriff or any other office: truth be told, I’m too old, and too tired to put up with the B.S. such would require. Or, as my ever loving and supportive wife phrases it: " you’re too grumpy, too stubborn, uncompromising and too honest". I -think- she means that as a compliment.
I think.
Zoe:
Thank you for your service to our country, oldvet. Welcome to the SDMB.
I do believe that stealing mail from your mailbox is actually a federal offense. Postal authorities have to investigate when it is reported. Just thought you would like to know.
Have a nice day.
(oldpacifistwoman)
You are very welcome.
I reported the mail theft each time: they sent someone out to investigate. I flat told them that the kids had done it, as did the folks in the houses on both sides of me: they said since they were minors, the most they would get is probation, so they choose not to pursue it. Instead, I bought a locking mailbox.
you also have a great day, and Happy Holidays.