“We’re trying to get her to stop sleeping in our bed.”
I’m talking about my coworker’s 10 year old daughter. If she’s been doing it for a month, you must not be trying very hard. Granted, I don’t have kids. So there must be something that I just don’t understand. That’s why I’m starting this thread so my ignorance will be abolished.
Ten years old? :eek:
Maybe they had some kind of traumatic life event & the kid was scared shitless to sleep on her own?
I dunno. I DO know that parenting battles fought after 8:00 p.m. are a lot more difficult to win - the littles still have TONS of energy, while parental units are finished for the day.
It took us 2 1/2 years to get ours to stop it full time. We tried very hard for awhile and then realized, what’s the big deal. We could have sex in the guest room after he fell asleep and then have the fun of looking at his cute little face all night. Plus, do the math: stubborn kid + sleep deprived parents = unintentional family bed.
Edit: Oh, wait, I missed the part about the kid being 10. Ours was 1 when it started.
Yeah, they’re doing something wrong.
The age is what is throwing me off too. I’m not going to get on too high a horse here - at 5:00 this morning my two year old came and got in bed with me and since it woke my 6 y/o up (they share a room) I told him he could come too. So that’s me and two kids in a king size bed. I would prefer it never happened but it seems to happen a lot lately. I can’t imagine this would keep going until 10, thought. Even my six year old knows that mom’s bed is for mom and emergencies only (sick, nightmare).
By ten I wonder if the kid needs to sleep with the parents or if the parents need to sleep with the kid?
Let me clarify. This just started within the last month. I don’t think there’s anything fishy going on. Just lack of ability to discipline, wrest control from the youngsters. They have three kids, all of which are total strangers to the word ‘no.’
My brothers most commonly had nightmares on nights when our parents were out, so some fridays I’d have one spend the second half of the night in my bed. A very few times both 
The last time it happened was shortly before I left for college, so they were 10 and 7.
Knowing why is she sleeping in their bed would point what’s the solution to the problem. They need to eliminate the cause. And if the cause is “cos I wanna,” then the elimination is “it’s our bed and we don’t wanna. OUT!” Which may need rephrasing before it works, but she needs to learn you can’t always have what you want at some point - the sooner, the better.
She just started this about a month ago. I don’t know why. All I hear is the complaints about how my coworker doesn’t like getting elbowed in the face.
That does make a difference. And I didn’t mean to imply that something fishy was going on. But one thing I still do think is wrong is that a 10 year old would all of a sudden start sleeping in her parents’ bed and their reaction would be “oh well, we’re trying but at least we can look at her beautiful face.”
I may be totally off base here. She may be making nice in front of the coworkers and going home and really trying to get to the bottom of this but that behavior would signal to me that something is definitely wrong - like at school maybe there’s a new bully or all of her friends have left her behind or something like that. Something where she needs some extra closeness.
Something is wrong. Not something “fishy” as in something sexual, and maybe not something that would sound important to us, but a normal 10 year old living her normal life doesn’t suddenly decide to sleep with her parents again after sleeping on her own for years. She’s under some sort of stress at school or at home or in her own bedroom that has her anxious and needing more parental attention and she’s not getting it during the day. Someone needs to talk to her and see what’s bothering her.
As for the sentence itself, it’s only bewildering to a non-parent. I assume, of course, that you mean, “Why doesn’t she tell the kid to go back to bed?” Well, sure, you can say that. You might get obedience or you might not. And sure, you can probably still lift 95 pounds of protesting elbows and knees and carry her back to her bed. But short of 10 yards of rope or a lock on the door, you can’t keep her there. Eventually, you’ll fall asleep again and she can sneak back in your room.
It’s more important, at this age, to find out WHY she needs this, and see if that need can be fulfilled in a way that works better for all parties - maybe a 20 minute catch-up chat with Mom while getting dinner ready together, or a visit to school from Dad to confront a bullying teacher would take care of her needs more directly and keep the elbows in her own bed where they belong.
If, on the instances when it was a single brother, I would have tried to drag him back to bed (which usually would have implied changing the bedsheets), the other one would have woken up. Since it wasn’t an everyday thing, we all understood this, and my bed was big enough (well, not really big enough for the three of us, but for two yes) - it was better all around to let them in.
Unless and until they know why is she doing it, they can’t fix it.
Ok, I guess I get to be the weirdo here – sometimes kids just need to be with their parents. Hell, my 15 year old daughter still crawls in bed with me occassionally – most notably over the weekend, after watching Saw 1, 2, and 3 and then Nightmare on Elm Street. She crawls in beside me, so that I am in the middle, it’s just a need to be with someone else. I don’t mind. My 7 year old also likes to crawl in bed with us sometimes. Again, I don’t mind.
As far as what your co-worker is talking about, they need to figure out why the kid is crawling into bed with them and fix that issue or the kid will continue the behaviour.
FWIW, for those who are thinking something is odd with my kids still crawling into bed with me – they also will hug and or kiss me in public. We’re a close family, this is what’s normal at our house, YMM, of course, V.
If it’s been going on for about a month, it would seem to coincide with school starting. I wouldn’t be surprised if there isn’t something going on at school that’s bothering the kid. Still, I’d trying to solve the issue rather than complain about it. And yes, when it storms, sometimes the 100 lb doberman climbs into bed with me, but she gets down after the storm ends.
StG
I agree. When my dad was away it wasn’t unusual for me to sleep with mom, even when I was older. We are really close. In a healthy way, I assure you. 
I also think that the kid may be having issues, though. When I was 10 I went through a period of crawling into my parents’ bed every night, but that was because I had somehow developed a fear of death that was triggered every night by the sense of being alone in the dark. I just couldn’t fall asleep unless I was curled up next to my mom. That was a phase, though, and after my mom figured out something was wrong she helped me get over it and I was fine after that. 10-year-olds don’t suddenly start crawling into their parents’ at night. Something is most likely bothering her.
I think we have a winner.
Translation: “Dear me, I seem to have misplaced my spine.”
No, no, no, you misunderstand me, it’s not the crawling into bed that’s worrisome. It’s the crawling into bed after years of *not *crawling into bed, and in a bed where she’s not welcome. It’s not the behavior, it’s the CHANGE in behavior.
I’d be just as concerned if, in your house, your daughter suddenly found it abhorrent to hug you.
People can live well and raise children in many, many ways - family beds, family sick beds, riverbank sleeping, co-sleeping, sharing a room but not a bed, having separate rooms, whatever. It all works for someone. But when behavior suddenly changes, it’s usually a sign of stress or anxiety.
No, I absolutely agree with you – any change in behaviour in a child is very worriesome. There just seems to be a lot of parents who find a 10 yo crawling into bed with their parents worrisome in general.
So does that mean that we’ll all be sleeping
[Chris Farley] In a van down by the river! [/Christ Farley]?
Your family sounds delightful, Litoris. I’ve only got the one boy (age 9) but his affectionate nature to everyone is a source of joy (and a little worry - here in Egypt, it is totally cool to walk out of class holding hands with another boy who is your dear friend, but if we had to move to the US all of the sudden, I can only imagine the ridicule he’d endure). He never intrudes in our bedroom, if you catch my drift (a closed door means knock first, and only enter when allowed), but he is perfectly happy to snuggle in bed with us to watch a TV show together, or on a lazy weekend morning to jump in the middle of the bed for a cuddle.
The OP’s post seems to be describing a problem, though. There is apparently a problem with boundary-setting - what parents say is LAW and a 10-year old should understand that, for one thing; secondly, if a 10-year old is suddenly crawling into the parental bed when she didn’t before, she is sad or anxious about something.
I hope the parents can work it out and help her cope in an age-appropriate way.
This is my take on it as well.
It could be as simple and a bully at school telling her “I will kill you in your sleep” or some such thing. Enough to frighten her into wanting to sleep with her parents.