A different earworm for you.
God damn it. You dumb asses, you don’t need to post in a thread to subscribe to it, especially if you’re just going to post something that’s even more fucking useless than your posts already are.
Click on “thread tools” upper right of a thread, in a blue bar right below the page numbers, if any. Click on “subscribe”. Choose your notification options and you’re finished.
Fuck.
I would have sworn I had honey…
I would have sworn I had a reserve bottle of olive oil…
Didn’t I have whole rice?
I was sure I had a cloth bag here. Where the hell is the cloth bag?
… why is the toaster there instead of on the counter, which is its proper place?
:smack: :smack: :smack:
First I’m going to kill my mother for reorganizing my goddamn kitchen, and then I’m killing me for letting her in. She was in the house for less than three hours, but she put the toaster in a low shelf and hid any ingredients she doesn’t use, plus my reserve olive oil and the cloth bag!
Why does there always have to be drama in weddings? Warning: long, whiny drama.
One of my friends from high school recently asked me and two other friends from high school to be her bridesmaids. We all live in different states now and have since grown into very different people, but we all still chat with each other with varying frequencies and we’ve taken vacations together in the last few years as well.
The bride, who I’ll call Monica, thought it would be a good excuse to get us all together and celebrate her Fall wedding in Utah, which is very nice in theory. However, we’re all scattered around the U.S. and with the exception of Monica, none of us have much money to spare at the moment. We all agreed to be her bridesmaids however, partly out of a sense of obligation.
When I was talking with Monica initially, I told her that because of her October wedding date, I would probably only be able to fly in for the wedding and nothing else since I had school and not much money for anything else. She agreed and said it’ll be a low-key thing, not to worry. So, having agreed, I heard no news from the bride for about a month, which isn’t unusual since Monica could be kind of flakey at the best of times.
Then, about a month ago, she called to tell me that I needed to try on bridesmaid’s dresses that weekend, take pictures of myself in them and send them to her so she can pick out the dresses in time to make the cut-off date in case we needed to make special orders, there’s a Vegas bachelorette party in August, I needed to be in Utah the Friday before the wedding in order to attend the rehearsal, oh and by the way, one of the other bridesmaids, Rachel, just told her she wouldn’t be able to be a bridesmaid anymore, did I know what’s wrong?
Turns out Rachel didn’t feel close enough to Monica anymore to take on the burden of being a bridesmaid and combined with the rest of her life falling apart, it was just too much. I encouraged her to let Monica know. She did - I don’t know what was the excuse she used, but everyone was satisfied and we all moved on.
Then, about a week ago, I was chatting with the last bridesmaid, Phoebe, and when I asked her if she wanted to share a hotel room, she told me that she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore either due to all the demands that Monica was making. She told me she didn’t want to “humor her” anymore but she’ll let her think it’s about the money. I’m sad about it since this will reduce the amount of people I know at the wedding to just the bride, but I sort of agree with her.
Another week passes and Monica calls me in a panic saying that Phoebe won’t return her calls and just sent a Facebook message saying she can’t be a bridesmaid anymore without any explanation, did I know what’s going on? I can’t say anything since I felt that what Phoebe told me was confidential, but I gently suggested that money might have been a factor and encouraged her to contact Phoebe again. I tried contacting Phoebe too, but she’s ignoring me as well now.
So now I feel awkward and the friendships will probably never recover, and I’ll be spending up to $1000 on a bridesmaid dress, plane tickets, and hotel rooms that I should be putting towards textbooks and living expenses cause it would be rude and petty to ditch the bride-to-be right now. I probably shouldn’t have agreed to be a bridesmaid in the first place, but it didn’t seem like it would cause so much problems down the line at the time.
subscribing
<ducks>
See, now, that’s just wrong. When I asked my bridesmaids to be bridesmaids I outlined all the requirements.
- How much it would cost (luckily they all lived in town except one who stayed in my apartment so it was pretty much the dress and any showery thing they wanted to do).
- Where they were expected to be and when.
And then I gave them an honest statement that they could back out if they couldn’t afford it or whatever.
I am SO glad that I don’t have many close friends. This all sounds way too dramatic.
You sound like you were a very reasonable bride.
Yeah, way too dramatic for me too. Which is funny, we were all friends in high school because none of us liked the usual teenage drama that went on in high school. Guess we’re making up for it now. To be fair to Monica though, I think she underestimated how much of a pain it would be for all of us to fly in for a weekend and how much $1000 is to our budgets.
It wouldn’t be a wedding if there wasn’t High Drama (and lots of it!). 
Are you saying my cousin didn’t get married? I’m reasonably sure he did! Helluva salsa number they did for a First Dance, too…
If my mother rearranged my kitchen, there would be some extremely loud and harsh words about messing with a kitchen that wasn’t hers to mess with.
“You know why it was the way it was? Because I fucking like it that way, OK? It’s my goddamned kitchen, not yours, and I will thank you not to change it to suit YOU!”
In the “What the, I don’t even…” file:
I just saw an ad with the following disclaimer: “The following political advertisement contains scenes that may be disturbing to children. Viewer discretion is advised”
For a fucking political ad!
Okay, what is this shit…
OH NOES! Congressman Keith Ellison is Muslim. Let’s toss in some pictures of mutilated bodies, suggest Ellison wants to kill Christians and Jews.
What the hell?
Well, to be fair, within our lifetimes we can probably have ads (in the north at least) that say this candidate is a Christian, and show pictures of people being burned at the stake.
You know, just to balance things out.
Muslim, really? How neat is that.
And we had a no stress wedding, we eloped and notified everybody after the fact. Much more relaxing.
GAHHHH my neighbour’s house alarm. She has it set to go off for fifteen minutes every hour once it’s tripped, because obviously this will make your neighbours feel warmly towards you and take extra care about your house’s safety. Only it semi-regularly trips for no reason and she’s not in and it’s set to INCREDIBLY LOUD and some of us can’t even put in earplugs because we have a toddler and I’m not looking forward to a night of being woken up for fifteen minutes every hour.
Dear neighbour: if you ever do get burgled, the rest of the road will give the burglars a cheery wave and encourage them to do their thing, in the hope that it will freak you into moving the fuck away.
Noise ordinances are your friend. Also, if you call the police every time it goes off, it’s likely she will very quickly find herself being fined for each false alarm.
And it’s not as if she could complain about your calling the police. Her alarm went off, and you, helpful, concerned, *caring *neighbour that you are, alerted the police because, obviously, it wouldn’t be going off if there weren’t something *illegal *happening at her house that *needs *police attention.
I like the helpful-concerned-caring idea
But I’m not positive we have noise ordinances (I’m in Ireland). I’m only going on some vaguely remembered stuff I’ve read - and on this one time a few years back when unrelated neighbours had a party that I’m sure you heard, and I rang the police and they told me the whole neighbourhood had rung them and there was nothing they could do. I think if you fill in paperwork, record proof, establish a long-term regular pattern, etc, you can apply for some kind of STFU order, but I’ve heard of the police just blowing off way worse and more regular stuff than this.
For complicated reasons, calling round to the neighbour and asking her to reset the alarm to a less ARRRGHHH pattern is unlikely to work, but I do know her son-in-law’s brother and he’s sound. I’m gonna ring him in the morning and ask him to ask his brother to sort it out.
Well, I guess they’re technically married, but you have to have lots of High Drama if you want to do it up right. 
(I’m very much kidding - weddings have turned into something that is getting very far away from what a celebration of love between two people should be.)
My mom and I have reached an understanding about my kitchen - she basically stays out of it.
That’s it, you just made The List. Don’t think the bees can’t get to you all the way up in Canada either. I would suggest you ask the last Canadian about his encounter with the bees, but he hasn’t been heard from in a while.
Ouch, it’s looking like the only thing that’s keeping you in the wedding party is the fact that the other friends bailed before you did. Not a comfortable position to be in.
Especially when you’re looking at being the only bridesmaid she gets.
You should totally see if Ross, Joey, and Chandler are open to the idea of dressing in drag and joining you in the procession.
Currently, the Bros have keys to my house. Mom does not: she used to, but I did not return them after taking them to give to the workmen last year. From her point of view she wasn’t “rearranging the kitchen” she was “organizing” it. This time she only had time to “put away” things I keep in sight because damnit that’s where the fuck I want them (I use the toaster almost daily, why would I want to plug and unplug it every time?), not because I forgot to put them away - a long, long time ago, when she and Littlebro visited me in Philly, she spent the whole last morning reorganizing everything while Littlebro murdered Germans in my computer and reminded me that “murder is illegal even when it’s justified, you have to move the furniture back to its proper place anyway… remember, it’s illegal… these people have the death penalty, it’s not worth it…”
Shortly after my father died, she came home fuming because one of the parish priests had stopped her to give her unsolicited advice about “not trying to substitute her husband with one of her children” - “as if I was going to confuse Littlebro and [husband]! What, he thinks I’ll be fucking my own youngest son by mistake?” Littlebro and me looked at each other and said “he wasn’t talking about Littlebro”. And FTR, she does confuse him and Dad: any time he does something she does not like, her standard line is “how much he takes after his father!”; whenever the thing she didn’t like is from her (which is 99% of the time), Middlebro and I point out “that’s yours, Mom, not Dad’s.”
“Nava, when will you take me to Paris?” (if we incinerate you, I might take your ashes to spread from the Eiffel Tower, which I like and you hate… oh wait, we’re burying you) “Nava, when will you take me to Rome?” (hmmm… sorry, they don’t have lion shows any more and I know that if I went with you I wouldn’t be able to see any of the bits I consider interesting, so never) “Nava, why don’t you buy your grandmother’s flat?” (because she’s still alive and btw in much better health than you are; you kill her, we talk; oh wait, Cousin has dibs on the flat for about a million reasons, oops) “Nava, you should buy an apartment at the beach” “when you buy a house at the beach, I’m going to sell my flat and come live with you, Nava” (the fuck you will; you somehow manage to sell your flat without the Bros and I being able to stop you, I’m not letting you into my house; we already know what would be needed to have you declared mentally incapable). I haven’t told her the last two, we’re keeping them in reserve (plus it’s likely Grandma will survive Mom, making the buy-the-flat point moot), but I have told her the first two.