Automated (very) package delivery

I ordered some stuff from B&H in NYC last Sunday. The expected arrival day was 8 days later, on the week after, Monday. Since I order stuff from B&H all the time, and it usually takes 3 business days unless there is a holiday (Jewish or otherwise) involved, this seemed to be quite slow.

So I began tracking the order, asking for automated updates for any and all reasons.

I think I found out why the shipment is so slow. It is going thru DHL to the USPS service – usually B&H routes thru Fedex or UPS. Note to self: avoid DHL if you are in a hurry.

Nevertheless, an update promised early delivery today by 8PM. Hooray!

Then I saw the package had arrived on the wrong side of Lake Michigan, and since there is no ferry across near there, was puzzled why. There’s no way it could be delivered to me today as promised unless they chartered a private plane or boat.

Today I got an email with an “Exception” label. It said “MISSENT.”

Next to the data stream was an entry box that said, “ASK” and “Type your question here.” Below is the dialogue that resulted. Each answer was nearly instantaneous, a clue that it wasn’t a human typing.DHL SM Parcel Plus Expedited

ME: What does “missent” mean, and how will it affect delivery?

[indent]DHL: Missent just means your shipment is taking the scenic route getting to you. :slight_smile:

In other words, something went wrong but nothing to worry about, we’re correcting it. It may just take a little longer to get there. If after three days it’s still not there, you should contact the merchant.

What other questions do you have?

ME: So you routed it to the wrong location? In spite of a correct address and ZIP? How can we avoid this in the future?

DHL: Sorry, I’m still learning and didn’t understand what you said. Would you try again, only say it a little differently?

ME: You are a computer, not a human, right? Can you pass the Turing Test?

DHL: Gee, thanks! I try my best.[/indent]

To be fair, my last chat with an Amazon customer service person probably wouldn’t pass the Turing Test but I’m still pretty sure it was an actual person.

(The only reason I’m sure was because they were so slow to respond to me.)

Further adventures with DHL’s auto-bot:
ME: I have an email that says, “expected delivery May 2 by 8PM”. It did not happen. When can I expect delivery?

DHL: Sorry, I’m still learning and didn’t understand what you said. Would you try again, only say it a little differently?

ME: Package didn’t arrive by 8PM on May 2, it is now May 3. When can I expect delivery? And just how old are you, anyway?

DHL: I hate to tell you this, but looks like there was a small mishap and your package was sent via a longer route. Nothing to worry about, we’re working getting it corrected, we just ask for your patience for a few more days while we get your package to you. What other questions do you have?

ME: What grade are you in computer school, Mr. Ask?

DHL: Sorry, I’m still learning and didn’t understand what you said. Would you try again, only say it a little differently?Anyone see a pattern here?

How does it make you feel to say what grade are you in computer school, Mr. Ask?

Since it’s learning, you should do the decent thing and teach it some swear words.

It does make me curious about how “educated” this bot is, but if I insult it, I may receive a mangled package, so maybe not this time.

The bots I interact with on telephonic fake-charity scam calls have a limited parsing vocabulary, I have found, and a canned response to hearing common 4-letter words, which I imagine they get frequently. They also have a canned response to hearing the word “computer” no matter how or where it is used in a sentence. Ask if they are a computer or a human, the canned response is “No [hah, hah], I’m not a computer! I just use one for quality control purposes!”

Is your real name “Liza”? Wanna go out sometime?

No, if you insult the bot, Skynet will mark you down for immediate termination when the machines take over. That’s why I’m alway nice to artificial lifeforms; I’m hoping to survive until at least the second wave of terminations.

I tried that out once.
“If you’d like to end this call, please hang up.”

Or worse.

Why do you ask Is your real name “Liza”?