Ok, I’m going to use a pretty strict definition of awful. Blair Witch, Titanic, and Forrest Gump were far from perfect (and I particularly dislike Gump) but they were not awful.
I’m not seeing many movies here that are genuinely awful, though I withhold judgment on some like The Blair Witch Project and Romeo Must Die, which I haven’t seen. Mostly I’m seeing good movies that were overrated (Titanic, Dances With Wolves) and solidly mediocre films, (Forrest Gump, The Matrix, The Phantom Menace, E.T., Austen Powers). I’m surprised nobody has mentioned the epitome of the successful inanity, Independence Day, again not an awful movie, but one that aimed at mediocre stupidity and hit it dead on.
In my experience, genuine stinkers don’t make much money. The closest I can come to a truly awful film that was successful is Payback, a truly nauseating piece of violence-worship that was thrown on the ever-growing pile of Pulp Fiction rip-offs in 1999, which could be called a modest success (approximately $90 million gross on a $50 million budget). I’m tempted to say The French Connection, which spends 90% of its running length alternating between tedium and repulsiveness. But nobody would agree with me.
How about Birth of a Nation? I can’t nominate it myself, not having seen it, but opinion seems to be divided on whether it is just a reprehensible piece of racist garbage, or a truly brilliant masterpiece of reprehensible racist garbage. Awful or not, it was certainly successful. Thoughts?
Maybe the problem is over-hyped/praised movies aren’t so intrinsically bad, but they just can’t live up to the ballyhoo.
Nah. Forget that wimpy comment. Weak moment.
Nothing staler or more embarrassing than yesterday’s phenom award winner. Forget Tom Jones; ever try to watch the Taylor/Burton version of Cleopatra? Prediction, folks: Titanic is gonna fit right in the same slot.
Blair Witch Project? Mostly notable for circumventing the Hollywood money/marketing system. Austin Powers: a deft, well-done minor joke that turned cancerous. Sad to say, same goes for most of the “star driven” big movies. They’re okay, but just okay. Maybe a few will have enough intrinsic worth to stand up to time, but danged if I can spot 'em now. I’m thinking about Casablanca, The Wizard of Oz, etc. that managed to survive and shine.
Want my nomination for Whoopee-MegaHit-Gotta-See bomb? Love Story.
I was too young to be much interested when it came out, but it was the shit, the indicator, the movie everyone talked about, dressed like, quoted. (Fair’s fair; I read and enjoyed Mad Magazine’s parody, may Mort Drucker rest in peace.)
Saw the movie for the first time recently–too germy and bleary-eyed to noodle around here or even read–but that movie sucks! Nothing like catching a pop-culture landmark about 30 years after the fact, but it was just so stunningly BAD–and not even fond Druckerian memories could make it funny-bad.
I don’t know how much “Star Trek V” made, but if every single person involved in that production, in any way, shape or form, DIDN’T go bankrupt, then that movie was more successful than it deserved to be.
The English Patient - Everybody died! No happy ending! It had noooo poooointttt!
American Beauty - It was sort of tolerable up until the very very end, which destroyed the entire movie for me.
The Big Lebowski - Losers who deserve to be losers have horribly loser things happen to them and they’re such losers they can’t seem to find a way to stop them. Then Steve Buscemi dies for no reason. Yeah, that sure is the height of entertainment, innit?
American Pie. I didn’t stop hearing about that piece of shit in my high school for months at a time. Then I went to work at Blockbuster (quit after 2 months) and everywhere I walked, I was still in eye view of the huge shelf space that movie took up.
My #1 pick for this category would be Independence Day. Like Roger Ebert said, “What this movie is really about is explosions.”
And I’ll second There’s Something About Mary. I also didn’t laugh once. I’m all for juvenile humor. I love Dumb and Dumber after all, but Mary just plain sucked.
Rented this with a couple of friends, watched it in a tiny basement apartment. Watched it. And watched it. And watched it. “How much time is left in this thing?” “It’s been 20 minutes.” “We’re 20 minutes from the end?” “No, it’s BEEN 20 minutes.”
We took to chanting, “Die, bitch, die!” about 45 minutes from the end.
Barbara Hershey is almost dead. Bette Midler does something endearing. Cut to Barb dying. Cut to Bette learning a lesson about maturity. Cut to Barb dying. Cut to Bette singing. Cut to Barb dying. Cut to Bette learning an Important Lesson About Life. Cut to Barb dying. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
We fast-forwarded, and every time it looked like she was FIANLLY about to snuff it…Bette learned another lesson and Barb just HUNG ON.
When she finally (spoiler, so?) died, we burst into applause. Three people, alone, in a tiny, cold basement apartment at about 12:30am, cheering and whooping like the Lions had just won the Superbowl.
And I know that “Wind Beneath my Wings” is almost EVERY romantic’s favorite song of 1990, but it sucks my ass like a spastic anteater. Hate the song, hate the movie. HATE. Actively LOATHE.
Oh, and Kurt Russell’s “Soldier” wasn’t exactly high art either.
I was told by numerous people that it was the scariest movie they’d ever seen. A friend who played through Resident Evil 2 (which had me leaving all the lights on and checking around corners for at least a week afterward) without batting an eye said he’d never seen a movie this scary.
I rented and watched it and just didn’t get it. There were some weird parts (the girl with no eyes and stuff), but nothing that had me even remotely jump. I didn’t get why it was supposed to be so amazingly freaky…ah well.
Tsugumo (who just saw Gladiator for the first time and…woah, that was a cool movie)
I haven’t seen the following movies, and never plan to because I am so certain I will hate myself for doing so. Blair Witch Project
Dude, Where’s my Car?
These movies I have seen and don’t like:
Almost any sequel to a disney animated feature (there are exceptions (Toy Story 2 is all I can think of now, but there must be ata least one other.) Titanic (wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t keep hearing how amazingly perfect it was, and how stupid teeny-boppers saw it umteen times!)
Any Scream movie. Absolute pieces of sh*t.
Right on! Especially about The Big Lewbokski. I went to a stupid hippie college last year, and everyone was obsessed with this movie. It would be playing in at least five dorm rooms every Saturday night, and afterwards everyone would sit around and discuss how brilliant and Zen it was. And God forbid you question it! When I asked what the point of Steve Buscemi dying was, they just yelled at me for not “getting it.”
Another time, I found some continuity error in it, like how someone gets in the car in the driver’s side door after it broke, and I’ve never heard the end of it. We had the watch the movie again so I could point out the mistake, and then they sat around trying to come up with some Zen meaning to that mistake, because it had to mean something!!!
I thought that Legends of the Fall was truly, deeply awful. Bad on an epic scale. So, so bad. Watching that movie, I was torn between a kind of awe at how insanely bad it was, and a desperate urge to flee the theater, never to return.
Anthony Hopkins is a Montana rancher? Brad Pitt goes to fight in World War I (which apparently took place INDOORS) and runs around killing Germans and hanging their scalps on his clothing? And then goes to, what, New Guinea? And then, after what feels like four or five hours of hell, he comes home to his predestined fate, which involves getting eaten by a bear.
I realize this is not the pit, but I can’t help it: why the FUCK does anyone like that stinking, mountain-sized pile of shit?
One comment I hear overseas is that US moviegoers demand a happy ending. I didn’t think much of it until I heard that a remake of the classic story A Dog of Flanders had been screened in the US with two versions; one ending was strict to the original, one was a ‘happy’ ending. Turns out the happy ending won hands down. So of course Hollywood went along!!! Next, Hollywood will attempt a remake of Romeo and Juliet where they both live…
Over-directed, over-acted, under-scripted piece of crap. The worst big-budget film of all time, IMO. Still made lots of money, though. Did anyone enjoy this festering waste of celluoid?
I’m surprised no one has mentioned My Best Friend’s Wedding. What kind of mind did this evil piece of crap come from? I hate the message that the movie portrayed (and it pissed me off that he still went and married the twit. He should have run off with Rupert Everitt to Hawaii.)