I’m not sure if dragging out this “friendship” is helpful for either of you. Since you don’t seem to want to be friends with this woman, don’t be friends with her. Don’t feel like you have to be her friend just because you feel sorry for her. She got by before she met you and I’ll bet she’ll be fine without you.
What the hell is a “spit take”?
Hmm… Well one added factor…although we are not in the same department…I still have to work with her often and her cooperation and helpfulness is really important at work… Just more info for you. I appreciate all the comments…and wow what a range of ideas here…
Screw her a couple times then ditch her when she refuses to screw you while she wears a girl scout uniform and addresses you only as “my scoutmaster”.
Now you tell us…so I guess you will have to rock her world at least once a month or so. Just taking one for the team ya know.
Spewing, or nearly so, out the contents of your mouth (typically a mouthful of a just-sipped beverage) when someone says something funny/shocking/whatever.
Don’t worry about hurting other people’s feelings over things like this, like someone else said, her feelings are her problem. It sounds jerkish but you can’t pussyfoot around obsessive types. Just ignore her and, if you have to, say straight out you don’t like her that way, you’ve never liked her that way and she should just accept your relationship as coworkers.
You’re worried about her making work difficult? It’s her job to cooperate at work. She’ll work with you because she has to, otherwise she might get in trouble. She’s crazy but I’m sure she’s not stupid.
You can’t let people hold their cooperation over your head.
Are other coworkers facebook friends?
If she asks why couldn’t you just say “I use facebook to stay in touch with people I don’t get to see in person.”?
I would choose the ignore button. Some people may not think much of befriending someone on FaceBook, but in light of this muddled situation I would guess that she may interpret it as being more significant than most.
Sometimes people in their attempt to be kind, send mixed messages such as flirting with someone, which only encourages the other person and prolongs the pain.
Ignoring her friend request could be seen as passive-aggressive, which is debatable, and/or you could tell her in a straight-forward but tactful way that you have no romantic feelings toward her and not flirt with her anymore.
Whether or not you feel that you could be friends with this person without her interpreting it as being romantic interest is up to you, but it would require stricter boundaries in the friendship with the knowledge that there will be a risk that you may hurt her feelings. If you want a friendship with her, I suggest seeing her only with a group of friends, but only do this if you honestly want to be her friend and not just as a way to avoid being asssertive.
I forgot to answer your question.
If she asks you about not befriending her on FB, I’d say, “I didn’t think it is a good idea because I don’t feel comfortable with it.” If she ask for you to elaborate, I’d say, “I don’t want to give you the wrong message because let me know if I’m wrong, I feel that you might like me in a way I cannot reciprocate. I hope that this doesn’t get in the way of us being able to work together.”
Just my suggestion, but I don’t guarantee anything. Her feelings will be hurt anyways even if you say it nicely because that’s the risk one takes in liking anyone.
Since we’re being all open about stuff, um, so do I. Long story.
I support a direct approach and just dropping reality in her lap. In other words, if you don’t want her on your friend list, don’t add her. When she asks you about it, tell her the truth. If she can’t handle it, make sure she doesn’t have immediate access to scissors.
Depending on her level of crazy, I would also consider going to human resources and mentioning this behavior to them, just in case something later becomes a work-place issue. The whole “he said she said” stuff - you know.
I have dealt with one obsessed person. I pussyfooted around the issue for years, but it would just get worse. Then finally I put reality on full display and just basically gave the person a directive of “don’t ever contact me again”, and that worked out fine (fortunately). Then again, I wasn’t working with that person, so I didn’t have the daily contact.
Don’t add her, confront her with the truth, and cover your ass at work if you feel you need to. Life is too short to be dealing with other people’s craziness and bullshit.
On second thought, this is the post I agree with most.
Don’t friend her at all or there’s the risk she’ll think you’re flirting with her. Remember she said she didn’t believe you when you said you only ever saw her as a friend.
I made a facebook page a long time ago then abandoned it, so I don’t know much about it, but can you use that excuse? Just say, oh I don’t keep up with my Facebook? For myself I’m an old married grandma and just went there 'cause my brother invited me, but it didn’t seem to really be intended for my demographic. I occasionally get comments irl from friends saying they tried to communicate with me through Facebook, and I laugh at them.
Sure you can. When you confirm a friend, it’ll ask you if you want them to see your entire profile or limited profile. You can set what constitutes “limited” specifically, so she can’t really see anything.
Seems like a nice compromise. If she asks why you don’t have pictures and stuff, just say you don’t want them. Voila.
Create a second Facebook page, paginate it with several fake freinds , some fellow dopers probably would be available for this.
So you keep her sandboxed
Declan
umm… i hate to be a shallow, materialistic jerk (although I apparently am)-- but is she cute? 
Cagey…no. Not attractive to me at all.
Thanks everyone…i think I am going with the severely limited facebook friend option…but I haven’t pulled the trigger yet.
ok…i set up a test facebook account and made it a severely limited friend…and then tested it to see what my profile looked like to it…before I let my stalker be a friend…and it’s not really what I want.
Even though I set it so the limited friend cannot see my wall…they still see a few things on my wall. they see all my profile pictures, any comments my friends leave on those…and the wall shows any comments I left on other friends photo’s- if my friend doesn’t have their photo set to private. In other words…they will see any of my comments on friends…depending upon my friends privacy settings…sigh sigh sigh…
I might have to try a non cowardly approach to this situation…
You work together? Tell her you’re not comfortable ‘friending’ coworkers (if this is true) as you don’t want anything incriminating getting back to your bosses and hurting your career. God knows there have been enough stories about people getting fired over their status updates and boozy photos, so this is totally believable.