Hi there lads. I don’t want this thread to be the cheesy “How to kiss her” Or “does she like me” one. But here it goes:
There is this new girl at my work…she is intelligent, funny, beautiful like straight from fairy tale book. It’s easy to talk with her about anything, have lots in common, but here it goes that BUT…She have boyfriend. It’s not like they are having next to the church veuve clicquot champagne popping relationship now, we are only 24years old but I don’t know what to do. Looks like she is into me and I probably look like confusing, not sure where I left my keys guy. I always had this rule that if girl have boyfriend, better not to get into this and keep it friendly but distant. But man oh man, this girl is something to break rules for. So here is the topic to discuss.
If a girl is interested in you, who is in relationship, would you try to win her? When would it be worth it? On the other hand If I would be in her boyfriend position and my girl wouldn’t want to be with me its fair enough, better painful truth than sweet lies.
Take a step back for a second. Ask yourself honestly if she’s genuinely interested in you as a potential boyfriend or if she’s just being generally friendly to you and you’re reading more into it.
That said, Rhymer, take a step back and make sure she’s not just being friendly. You may be reading something into it you’re not.
But that said, at 24, shit, man, take chances. dropzone could not possibly be more right. Unless it’ll get you killed or sent to prison you are way better off giving things a shot than not. All my regrets in life are the things I did not do, not the things I did.
So, when a woman brings up her boyfriend, that’s a pretty good clue that she isn’t interested in you - at least not right now when she has a boyfriend. Dropping the “my boyfriend and I are …” or “my boyfriend said…” is how many many women let you know “hey, don’t let yourself get rejected and put us both in an awkward situation.”
Now, when this smart, beautiful girl says “my boyfriend and I broke up” or “he started seeing someone else” or even “yeah, it isn’t working out, I’m going to break up with him soon” those are - if not green lights - at least not the flashing yellow hazard sign you are currently being given.
There’s all kinds of things this could be. Maybe she likes you in that special way and is just looking for somewhere to jump when she dumps her boyfriend. Or maybe she’s just a friendly person who likes you and finds you interesting, but has a happy and satisfying relationship with her boyfriend. Or she’s just a flirty girl who’s enjoying the interaction and attention, but has no desire to be with you, in that way.
You also might want to think about how this will affect your job. Can get messy, but then again, at 24, this is not likely a career opportunity, so probably won’t matter.
I’d say give it some time. If she’s just being friendly, and you come on to her in a big way, it may make things awkward, or she may get creeped out, and then you’ve blown any chance to get to know her better.
Let’s go with the boyfriend being nothing serious. We don’t know and he doesn’t know. He needs to have those signs erected, lit, and flashing. He’s a guy. We don’t get subtle.
Maybe banging him over the head will help. I mean, we can be incredibly slow.
She is way out of your league, bucko. Why would she have anything to do with the likes of you? Slink back to your desk and stop bothering people who are better than you are or will ever be.
A person’s treatment of you in the workplace is not necessarily indicative of how they would treat you in a voluntary social situation. Have you ever spent time with her outside of work? I’m polite to everyone I work with, and work-friends with several people. But outside of the occasional happy hour, I wouldn’t voluntarily spend time outside work with more than a couple of them.
Flirt with her. If she replies in kind, keep the volley going. But for any stage of escalation, if she doesn’t respond in kind, the ball is in her court and it’s her play and you don’t go there again until she does.
When the boyfriend isn’t serious, you don’t mention him to the coworker you think is cute. That wouldn’t be the move of a smart girl.
When a guy asked me out when I’d told him you have a boyfriend, I didn’t assume good things about him. He thought I was the type of girl who would consider dating someone else when I had a boyfriend. Or someone who would jump the fence on my boyfriend at the first opportunity.
When my romantic relationships weren’t serious, I wouldn’t bring them up until I was asked out. Then I’d say “I’m sort of seeing someone else, but it isn’t serious and we see other people.” I wouldn’t refer to these guys as my boyfriend - they were “friends” - my friend Tad and I went out to a movie.
We don’t bang you over the heads with these things because we don’t want the rejection either - to say “I’m not interested in you” before a guy asks you is presumptive - and kind of cruel. Either he is interested in you - and you rejected him without him even taking the risk, or he isn’t interested in you - in which case you look like an idiot. There isn’t a win there. So, we say things like “my boyfriend and I…”
I’m generally a proponent of not shitting where you eat, and I’m an absolute proponent of it being super-duper extra slimy to hit on somebody who, regardless of gender, you already know is in a relationship.
You’re letting your infatuation get the best of you here. If she wanted anything to do with you romantically, odds are she wouldn’t have brought up having a boyfriend.
Well, there’s THAT, like " I have to speak with my wife" when car shopping. But I’m assuming the BF came up earlier in the convo. Can’t fault a boy for trying.
