There’s this Thai-American girl at work – oh my god.
She’s got shoulder length hair, sparkly eyes, and a smile that just gives me tunnel vision as the rest of the world turns gray and wavy. She is the sweetest, most charming person I know – and she knows about baseball and anime.
She’s bright, she’s chipper, she’s teeth-chatteringly gorgeous, big, big eyes, with purple eye shadow and, god help us all, sparkles. – I’d better stop, or I’ll have more rivals than I already do.
I’m not utterly pathetic that I’d sit on my hands and fret… I threw a party… she was moving… I invited her and a friend out to lunch with me and a friend…. Her friend wanted to eat later. All with the most charming smiles and laughter.
Yes, she has a boyfriend – I know so because I ran into her after getting my teeth done in the morning – she was lightly bitching about how her current beau refuses to return a blockbuster video she rented. Do I need to say how I agreed with her and nodded? God, I’m such as ass. She’s not interested, right? So why does she ask me about who I knew at school? She did that yesterday. She remembered what neighborhood I’m from – we mentioned that, what, six months ago?
Today, she asked me if I was going to the company baseball game. I’m not – I’m a moron. I should’ve known she’d be going to that, right? AND ITS ONLY EMPLOYEES! [sob] – I told her I was going to the minor league games, and she lit up like a Christmas tree, but she couldn’t make the date I had in August.
She’s obviously interested in you, if only as a friend. The real question is: does it have the potential to be more than a friend? Well, it sounds like she is not waiting around for anyone, so you will have to act. Continue socializing with her in groups, and ask her out for one-on-one get togethers. Baseball games. Anime night. Whatever. Read the signs. If she is going out with you on these one-on-ones and you are having a good time, take it to the next level, e.g., kiss her.
Handy, I know a ton about her – and I’ve been inviting her to like, perfect stuff for us. No dice, but then we’ll be smiling at each other for seconds… “Why are you smiling” “Cuz you were smiling – why were you smiling” “I’m still smiling”. Arrgh.
I feel like I’m taking my swings at the proverbial ball in my court, but she’s playing squash and I’m playing tennis.
Women dopers: Am I being asked to do something here? Does it have to do with the boyfriend? Am I a clueless dope?
Get her to wear pyjama pants to work. This reduces the problem to the previously solved case from Skewbald’s thread.
Sorry about that - I’ll try to be serious.
It’s obvious that she likes you and is paying attention to you. Obviously, the current BF is a hindrance, but BFs come and go, so maybe this one will soon. (Maybe your presence will be her motivation to drop him! :))
It sounds as if you’re doing the right things, but have just had mismatched schedules. Keep on thinking of things you might like to do with her, especially stuff that isn’t necessarily ‘date’ stuff (like you’ve been doing already), and suggest something new every so often. Good luck!
If you’re playing the smiling game, she likes you. Women, generally, know what kind of message holding a stare implies to a guy.
You could view your not going to the same baseball game as a good thing. It shows that you have a life, that you aren’t one of those weird guys who centers his life around his partner.
Sure, it’s possible that she’s super friendly and has an incredible memory. It’s just not likely.
My advice: for now, assume that her having a boyfriend means nothing is likely to happen in the near future. Try to cultivate a friendship with her, but accept that you may never have an opportunity with her, romantically. Hopefully, this will force you to relax and come across as more self-assured, which will greatly increase any chance of her wanting to date you instead of the Boyfriend. Continue to be as friendly and charming as possible. But date other people.
If there’s ever a good opportunity, i.e. you just spent the evening together at an anime festival and felt like you were really connecting, consider telling her you’d like to date her if she’d dump the boyfriend and see what she says. But don’t force it – wait for the opportunity to arise naturally.
I second that it was good you didn’t go to the game. The more you appear to have your own separate, cool life, the more interesting you’ll look to her. Play it cool.
It depends on how you answer the question of how comfortable you are with pursuing someone who has a SO, even if she bitches about the SO. If you decide that you’re going to wait it out, then be a friend, a good friend, but stick to your guns and don’t poach. The ball may be in your court, but not doing anything is just as telling as doing something, and then she’ll make the decision as to what makes her happier.
Of course, it helps if she knows what’s on your mind. The problem is knowing that she knows what you know …
It may just be that she likes the attention and is on some level attracted but has no intention of ever leaving her boyfriend. Trust me, been there.
[my 2 cents] If she won’t go out with you, you have to find an alternate way to get her alone like the company function you mentioned and CAREFULLY breach the subject. You might try telling her how much you enjoy her company and see how she responds. If the signs are good continue onward. Maybe ask her how serious she and be beau are etc.
Chances of getting shot down and your heart broke - I’d say about 50/50 based on what you’ve shared.
Chances of once and for all knowing where you stand - 100% [/my 2 cents]
I like Giraffe’s idea. Just be careful of one thing. The dreaded “FRIEND ZONE!” You know, the “I’d like to date you but I don’t want to ruin our friendship” thing. Then again, maybe that’s just what women tell men when they are not attracted to them. hmmm.
My advice. See if she will join you for a social lubricant. Truth seems to come out better when both parties are drunk. Hell, That’s how I met my wife. lol.
Yeah, wheedling tickets to tonights game probably wouldn’t have been a good move. Thanks all and sundry.
FunLvnCriminal – While I’m not sure, she doesn’t strike me as the drinking type. I agree with you about not being in the friend zone. It’s this week, fish or cut bait.
Zoid – Broach the subject? Has this ever worked in the history of time? I’d rather say – hey, do you wanna f___, than: So, how do you feel about me. Though I’m all for getting my shot down – maybe you mean like – “So how’s your man treating ya?”
LNO, that’s a temptation, but it’s a bit too pusillanimous for me. Carpe Diem, to the victor go the spoils, and all that.
Giraffe – this really isn’t like me, but I have to do something – I’ll try to keep it cool, but when she speaks my heart jumps around like a gaffed fish. I do date other people, but still…
Nuts to the friend zone – all ahead full! Should I:
A) Invite her to the beach where I’ve arranged to meet a dozen of my friends for volleyball
or
B) Find out the next Thai festival-type cultural event and inviter her to that
or
C) Try another group lunch?
Thanks for all the responses – they’re very steadying.
If there’s one phenomenon that always makes me smile, it’s the way a pretty girl has the power to turn an independent, self-sufficient, perfectly rational guy into a quivering, uncertain puddle of goo.
There’s just nothing like that wonderful, nausea-inducing intoxication.
