I can't read this girl at all! (how do I know if she's into me?)

In short, I met a girl through a coworker, went out with her once, but can’t tell whether she’s into me romantically or just as a friend. (I posted about that first date here. Damnit, I need a Rosetta stone!

So here’s the thing: I’m seeing a movie with her tomorrow night – is there anything I can do to find out if she’s interested in me or not? She seems to have a lot of guy friends, and I don’t want to end up as one of them. Or rather, if I already have, I want to find out ASAP so I can cut my losses and move on.

Anything I should be on the lookout for? Or is there anything I can do to move things along? Any tips for this clueless twit?

After the movie, ask her if she wants to go on a date - use the actual word “date”. Her reaction should make your status fairly plain.

You could cut her in half and count the rings.

No wait, that’s to see how old she is.

There’s a weird divination method that, if all else fails, you can use to find out what a woman thinks about something: ask her. It’s so crazy that it just might work.

Be cool. I really don’t have to tell you that, because what you’ve already told us indicates that you are on a high level of composure control.

First off, she is going to see a movie with you, not her various other guy friends, but you, alone. This was not a mistake on her part, she intends on being there with you, alone. This is literally speaking so far, but still positive.

Watch for her touching things. If she touches her hair or face a lot, that is good kinesthetically speaking. If she touches your arm, shoulder, or back, count this as a really positive sign. If she puts her mouth on your penis, take notes and pictures if possible.

Some women will really, really want you to kiss them after the first date, they will however, give zero signals that might lead to your discovery of this fact (damn you Heather!!). Other women will also give zero signals, and will regard you as one step above a rapist if you try to kiss them (damn you Jennifer!!). She really wants to know if you like her, she just won’t tell you in what way, or to what degree she would like you to show it. Suffer these games quietly, they posses boobies, and other things.

Be a gentleman on the first date, and doing so on the second isn’t usually a bad thing. Some girls like early pressure, and some think that it’s creepy, use your best judgment.

Be a little bit more “touchy” than you usually might be. Don’t misinterpret this. This means any contact that a female might expect from a total stranger. You can put your hand on her shoulder, but don’t leave it there for more than a few seconds. Same thing goes with lightly touching her back, do so ever so carefully. Feel free to escort her across the street by presenting your bent elbow to her, but don’t stress if she ignores it. Holding or touching her hand is usually a watershed moment, unless the situation calls for it, save this for a really special time.

As was said earlier, ask her if she would like to “go on another date”. This establishes your intent, gives her an out if things aren’t what she wanted, and gives you a HUGE green light to initiate actions that make it clear that you’re interested in her if she says yes.

Dating is by no means a science, but science can be applied to it in doses. Kinesics can be useful at times, but people occupy both extremes of any given continuum, and really throw off any meaningful “solution” to such a problem.
Most of all, don’t be afraid of what you might think of as a failure. It’s not a failure, it’s a learning experience. The more studying you get in, the better your chances of acing the final are.

Good luck, and be yourself.

You are possibly crazy. If that notion were posed to the Dope masses, I’m sure that you’d get more than a few female responders that disagree with your “ask her” recommendation yielding accurate, insinuation-free, results.

It’s always worked for me.

No it won’t. Don’t give the poor guy false hopes.

Seconded. Any hesitation, fidgeting, or any rewording “sure, I’d like to go somewhere fun with you” on her part is indication you are the “guy friend”.

You’ve got it easy here. The difficulties in such cases are usually caused by the desire to keep the lady as a friend, and fear that asking her out on a date might lose you both potential date AND the friend. You, on the other hand, are not interested in a girl-friend, only in a Girlfriend, so what have you got to lose?

I’m a woman. And I think the “ask her” response is the way to go. Or you know, you could go the convoluted way of reading something into every goddamn move she makes. Whatever, your call.

It really doesn’t have to be a game, people.

Nope, it’s a game. The question is whether you’re playing Slap Jack or Bridge.

I say, bid 2 hearts. She’ll probably follow with 2 spades to, er, show her interest. Next offer 3 diamonds to indicate profligacy. This is where things get tricky. If she responds 3 hearts well, that pretty much means “sex is on.” (Why do you think they call them “rubbers”?) If, however, she bids 3 spades well, she’s just not into you.

Three no trump signals that she’s not really sure whether her hand will play. At this point it’s usually best to change the context: Accept her bid and, as soon as she plays a Jack, slap that thing. She’ll appreciate your cunning strategy.

Anything higher than 3 no trump and it’s best to bail. You’re looking for a girlfriend here, not a wife, and it’s better to find out now that you have different expectation levels. Maybe she has hot friends?

Pfft, everyone knows the only real way to find out is to have your friend ask her friend at recess. “Purple monkey dishwasher” means she wants to do it.

I’d say open with one no trump. 2 hearts is a weak opening these days, and might be mistaken as mere preemptive bid. If she bids a transfer of 2 diamonds, then he’s got it made. He can take his pick of of inviting game or not. If she bids 2 clubs, however, he’s gotta try the spades in a last-ditch effort.

One no trump, eh? Kids these days. What will they think of next?

Thankyou! I’ve had a bit of a crap day but reading these two unexpected gems has made it all better :slight_smile:


That’s what I’ve always found: I haven’t always got the answer I’ve wanted, but at least I’ve known where I’ve stood. And if she has wanted to make a game of it, well, I’ve known how that’s stood too, and moved on. Seriously, do the woman the courtesy of assuming she’s a rational human being with a firm grasp on what she does and doesn’t want, and treating her accordingly. Chicks -like guys - mostly dig being treated like adult human beings.

Right, because women always know exactly what they want and are perfectly willing to communicate that to you.
People generally “play games” during the dating phase of a relationship because they generally don’t want to reveal their hand and possibly risk rejection. Also, most people don’t really know how they feel about someone after just one or two dates. If you force the issue, you might make them uncomfortable.

There’s a reason you don’t just walk up to someone and ask them to marry you.

The relationship must progress at it’s own pass with both parties giving each other the various non-verbal cues when they are comfortable going to the next level.

Also, the “movie date” is the worst idea ever. Basically you sit for two uncomfortable hours with some girl, wondering what she thinks about you while both of you focus on the film (and DON’T try the “penis in the popcorn box” trick). You would be much better off doing something fun that allows you to interact with each other.

I’ll disagree of course. Movies can be and are great early dates because you are doing something together and then have something fun to talk about afterwards.

For the OP, don’t be talking about cutting your losses after the first date. That’s not right. If you’ve been chasing her for months and not getting anywhere, then you worry about cutting your losses.

Enjoy her company and see if this is a person you enjoy being with before all the sparks fly, 'cuz after the sparks have faded, you’re going to be with that person, and it’s going to make all the difference in the world if you like her as herself or not.

But you aren’t doing something together. You are going someplace together and then sitting there in silence not interacting with each other. Now you essentially start your date fatigued from watching a movie for 2+ hours.

A better date is dinner or drinks. Or maybe go rollerblading or take her to a museum or something. You want something where you can spend two hours interacting.

To quote the immortal words of my friend Rob: “Slip her the sausage.”