I’ve met a girl a few months back, liked her and became friend with her. She has a long distance boyfriend so the way isn’t exactly clear.
I’m about 95% sure she doesn’t like me in that way. However, we do spend a lot of time together and there have been some things that keep it from 100%.
Now I like this girl and wouldn’t want to lose her as a friend. because of her slightly explosive character and her thoughts on this matter, it would be risky to try a direct approach (IE: “I like you” or surprise kiss). And for just a 5% chance…
Intel. What I need is intel. Ways of finding out what she thinks without her knowing I am doing it. Maybe too much effort for such bad odds but, what the hell, it’s not like I have anything better to do.
So, dopers. Let me hear your opinions, plans and advice. I’ll answer questions if you have any.
When she starts licking your ear, would be a good indicator.
Simple truth, though, is that you’d do best to not think about the question. If she dumps her boyfriend (or he, her) then feel free to ask her out, but outside of ear-licking, do not try and convince yourself that there is some secret signal that you can spot if you just look hard enough.
Like what things keep you from being sure she doesn’t like you in “that” way? Does she touch your knee when she talks to you? Does she lean in a little too close? What is it? That would help.
I agree. I’m not in love with her. It just would be nice to know for sure. Think of it as an interesting puzzle if you’d like.
No, she doesn’t intrude in my personal space. As for the 5%, it’s small things really and none of them conclusive in the least. That’s why it’s only 5%.
She has told me that she loved her BF. She also later on told me she wasn’t in love with him. Another time, she said she was annoyed he calls her 10+ times a day minimum and doesn’t give her her space. Nothing major.
Last friday night, she asked me to pick her up, get a bottle of wine and hang out at my place the evening. Again, could be nothing.
She asked me if I was going to get her chocolates for valentine’s day then quickly added she was joking and not to get her anything. But she was pleased when I gave her a chocolate flowers bouquet (she loves chocolate).
So again, I reiterate. My conclusion is that she is very unlikely to think of me that way. I’m not trying to delude myself or anything. But I am notoriously bad at reading people…so I don’t trust my judgment entirely. Thus the 5%. Thus this thread.
What do you want the SDMB to do? Pass her a note in study hall?
If she has a serious long distance boyfriend and she’s spending a lot of time with you it’s probably because she finds you to be a harmless companion to keep her company.
Personally, I don’t understand the concept of hanging out with a woman who is “just friends”. Rarely are those relationships honest as one of the parties is usually attracted to the other and is merely content with being friends as an excuse to be with them.
Uh-oh, somebody’s been watching a little too much When Harry Met Sally…
Based on these two incidents I would say she is starting to like you… she is thinking about possibly making you someone she likes. Regardless, she has a boyfriend. Just be the best you that you can be and when she breaks up with him (she will–saying “I’m not in love with him” even once indicates a break-up is in the future IMHO), then she’ll have a whole history of you being an awesome guy to consider when she evaluates her options.
Well, you must factor in the fact that many people look for the same things in a mate that they do in a friend (smarts? sense of humor? realiability? kindness? compatible views on important things? Someone who’s enjoyable to talk to?).
It is definitely the case for me. So, if your friend happens to be attractive to you (and many people tend to see their friends and family in a more positive light than they would strangers. ), is it so surprising to find yourself in this situation? And what do you then?
Perhaps some of us just like hanging out with females? Not every guy wants to screw every last woman he knows. My best living situation ever was when I had two female friends I lived with in college, and there was no romantic tension whatsoever. In college, I had more female friends than male, and I’ve only had gotten involved romantically with a couple of them.
At any rate, as to the OP, my guess would be that she has some interest, but is hesitant to do anything because of her long-distance boyfriend. Either that, or she just likes the attention. So, no clear answer for you.
Don’t get me wrong. I have plenty of girls I’m friends with. I guess I just don’t put up a “were friends so you’re off limits” barrier. If I think you’re attractive, I’ll flirt with you and if it leads to hooking up, so much the better. I will put up a barrier if either of us is in a relationship.
Anyhow, bottom line is if you like her and you think she likes you, I say go for it and screw the consequences (no pun intended). Otherwise you aren’t being honest in your relationship with her (and I will be forced to ask you to turn in your penis).
I don’t think she likes me. I just want to make sure because I do not fully trust my judgement in this matter. As I mentionned earlier, I am bad at reading people.
unpossible! I am so manly that my testosterone can be smelled from 3 counties away. And by testosterone, I mean feet. Either way, it clearly rules out homosexuality.
I’ve only mentionned the …um… encouraging clues. Just because a rock has a streak of gold running through it doesn’t mean it’s solid gold.
What I’m trying to say is that I do not expect you to figure this out using the information I gave. it’s ridiculously small and incomplete.
No, think of it in terms of science. You can suggest non-invasive experiments or tests (emphasis on noninvasive). I can run those experiments and collect data. I can bring that data back here for analysis and eventually draw reasonably solid conclusions.
Wow. That sounded so very wrong but hopefully you get the point.
Sounds to me like she’s practically dancing in your lap. What do you want us to do? If the romantic dates she’s asking you on are the 5%, well, the 5% eats the other 95% for breakfast. Either do it or don’t, but come on, dude!
I was spending a lot of time (riding bikes) with a woman who had a boyfriend on the Left Coast. She had recently moved here for a job.
I was very attracted to her, but felt that it would be improper to make a move if she was involved with someone else. Finally, I just asked her if it would be appropriate to ask her out. She said yes. Her next trip west she broke up with him. (I’m pretty sure that was inevitable. 3000 miles is a long way.) We started going out and had quite a bit of fun.
Suck it up dude. Faint heart never won fair maiden.
I’d say wait. Encouraging her to be unfaithful seems like a great way to kill any possibility of a real relationship.
Then again, maybe I’m just vindictive because I’m friends with two girls I like, both of whom know about it, and neither of whom want to be more than friends.
Thinking about it constantly is a great way either to strengthen your feelings for her or to overanalyze everything she does.
Tell her you have to perform in some play and ask her to help you practice. Make sure you give her a love scene with a kiss somewhere in there. When the time comes, kiss her. If she kisses you back, you’re golden. If she pushes you away, you don’t have a shot. Just tell her you were acting. I don’t think she’ll be too mad.
Or howabout you start avoiding her and stop calling her. See how long she goes before calling you. This might not be very telling though.
If you’re truly content to just be her friend, it shouldn’t matter if she thinks you’re hotter than white hot gold – she is in a relationship. Despite how much Hollywood wants us to buy into this romantic comedy crap, making a move on a friend who is in a relationship is pretty scummy.
As to your OP, maybe I’m particularly dense today, but I don’t understand. If you’ve been friends for months with a girl who has a BF, nothing has happened between you two, and you’re 95% sure the relationship is entirely platonic, then the relationship is entirely platonic. When she calls you at night to hang out and accepts your Valentines Day present, she is using you (wittingly or unwittingly) as a surrogate boyfriend. You’re providing the attention that her BF cannot or does not give her.
How does she feel about your relationships with other women? Does she try to fix you up with other women or encourage you to pursue other women? Or does she discourage you and put down other women you show interest in?
